Step-Mom Rights

[meghamann]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin

I have the kids 40% the dad 60% that may change within the next couple months to me having them during school year and him during more of the summer than me.

He plans on getting married before our next court date in June hoping that it will help him retain custody due to being married. I don't know. So his wife will be step-mom. What rights does she have as far as school records, talking to teachers and doctors, taking them to doctor appointments, hospitals, etc. the whole thing. If he writes a letter giving her permission for any of these examples isn't that good enough? Can I ask for right of first refusal for all of the above if say for instance he can't take to dr, hospital, practices, anything that I have right to first? Or is this ridiculous?

Thanks in advance for your help.

 

[stealth2]

How far away does Dad live? 'Cause that's a long-distance arrangement you're looking at - why would that benefit the children? And... if he's far enough away to warrant an LD schedule, how do you intend to implement ROFL?

As for step-mom... Much of what you mentioned, he could allow her to do. Again, if there is a distance involved, it may be difficult to implement your doing it when he can't. I made it clear to my kids' school(s) and doctor(s) that I was not okay with her (a) making decisions or (b) being contacted in lieu of myself or their Dad, except the the case of an emergency.

 

[meghamann]

We live in the same city. The judge is the one that stressed to the GAL that if he had to choose I would get kids during school year and him more in summer. It would benefit the kids because their grades are horrible and during time father has had more placement than me their grades have become and stayed horrible. Judge feels he can't get job done for education so is stressing to GAL he take his advice and switch.

There is no distance since we live in same city. I agree with what you told doctors, etc. I had the school call her first (they aren't married yet) before me. This happens quite often because fathers cell is off during work but I am available immediately but am either not called or called after girlfriend which pisses me off. I also have found out she is emailing teachers, going to their school, and nothing is on file by dad giving her permission to do so. I thought this was violating a state statute when it comes to school records only parents/guardians are allowed to see.

 

[mavh2005]

I am a step mom... Dad has given me power of attorney to act on his behalf with regards to his daughter. Do you know if Dad has given soon to be step mom power of attorney? Sounds like to me, she has one and you're not aware of it. If she doesn't have one, call the school and complain. They are not allowed to give out info unless they have it on file, as far as I'm aware.

 

[Zigner]

I am a step mom... Dad has given me power of attorney to act on his behalf with regards to his daughter. Do you know if Dad has given soon to be step mom power of attorney? Sounds like to me, she has one and you're not aware of it. If she doesn't have one, call the school and complain. They are not allowed to give out info unless they have it on file, as far as I'm aware.

Negative - per FEDERAL law, it's entirely possible for the soon-to-be-step to get school records and the like.

 

[mavh2005]

Negative - per FEDERAL law, it's entirely possible for the soon-to-be-step to get school records and the like.

Really? Thanks for clarifying that! I didn't get my POA from my husband til after we were married, and that was due to his work schedule.

 

[The_Non-Mom]

We live in the same city. The judge is the one that stressed to the GAL that if he had to choose I would get kids during school year and him more in summer. It would benefit the kids because their grades are horrible and during time father has had more placement than me their grades have become and stayed horrible. Judge feels he can't get job done for education so is stressing to GAL he take his advice and switch.

There is no distance since we live in same city. I agree with what you told doctors, etc. I had the school call her first (they aren't married yet) before me. This happens quite often because fathers cell is off during work but I am available immediately but am either not called or called after girlfriend which pisses me off. I also have found out she is emailing teachers, going to their school, and nothing is on file by dad giving her permission to do so. I thought this was violating a state statute when it comes to school records only parents/guardians are allowed to see.

Meg,
I am an SM in Wisconsin. Dad can give SM written permission to view school records and medical power of attorney to make decisions when he and Mom are unreachable. I have medical power of attorney for Little Girl. I have had to use it one time and only because the doctor's office wouldn't accept Dad's consent to treatment via phone.

As for viewing school records and discussing the skids with teachers, ask the school if they have written permission from Dad on file. If they say yes, ask for a copy. In my husband's case, Little Girl's school had given access to her online records to Stepdad with no permission to do so from Dad OR Mom. Dad a field day with the superintendant and school board on that one. Dad's complaining about Stepdad getting access without written permission caused our town's school district to update their privacy policy.

I also had an issue with the school contacting me first (as stepmom) whenever Little Girl was sick or needed something. They did so because I was the easiest to get ahold of. One day, the school called me WHILE I WAS TALKING TO MOM ON THE PHONE! So Mom and I both knew that the school hadn't bothered to contact Mom or Dad before contacting me. Mom and I wrote letters to the school and the district. That was the last time I ever got called to pick up Little Girl from school.

So basic point is - check to make sure the school is doing their job.

 

[meghamann]

Only if the father has authorized permission through writing correct?

I have this state statute: Section 118.125 of the Wisconsin Statutes and it states that (2) CONFIDENTIALITY. All pupil records maintained by a public
school shall be confidential, except as provided in pars. (a) to
(p) and sub. (2m). The school board shall adopt regulations to
maintain the confidentiality of such records.
(a) A pupil, or the parent or guardian of a minor pupil, shall,
upon request, be shown and provided with a copy of the pupil’s
progress records.
(b) An adult pupil or the parent or guardian of a minor pupil
shall, upon request, be shown, in the presence of a person qualified
to explain and interpret the records, the pupil’s behavioral records.
Such pupil or parent or guardian shall, upon request, be provided
with a copy of the behavioral records.
(c) 1. The judge of any court of this state or of the United States
shall, upon request, be provided by the school district clerk or his
or her designee with a copy of all progress records of a pupil who
is the subject of any proceeding in such court.
2. Names of dropouts shall be provided to a court in response


So it specifically states parent or guardian. She still can get access?

 

[stealth2]

It would benefit the kids because their grades are horrible and during time father has had more placement than me their grades have become and stayed horrible. Judge feels he can't get job done for education so is stressing to GAL he take his advice and switch.

Quite frankly, at the ages your children are (11/12 and 13/14, based on an earlier post), their schoolwork is THEIR responsibility. Not yours, and not Dad's. THEIRS. You don't say that they have learning disabilities, so I will presume that they do not. Instead of squabbling over who gets them when and/or who talks to the teachers, maybe y'all need to have a Come To Jesus talk with the kids. Get cracking, or there will be consequences.

 

[meghamann]

Thanks The_Non_MOM

I have contemplated calling the school and asking for written proof. I am just worried that if and when I do they will say oh we will get back to you, have the dad draft something up and hurry up and stuff it in records, not dated. Is she able to talk to teacher about kids or no because that would be deemed confidential as well? Wouldn't that be like a teacher talking to me about another kid that I have no parental rights to?

 

[meghamann]

The problems I am having with her talking to the teachers is this. I email the teachers. I work different hours than their dad he gets off of work before school lets out and is able to go to school then and talk. I email about once a week/every other week. Well now I found out his girlfriend is emailing the teachers so the teachers have been getting frustrated since they are getting emails from me and her. She shouldn't be emailing. The dad was never emailing he doesn't even use a computer and his discretion is to go into the school. SHe is emailing while he is at work. Not her business.

 

[Zigner]

This is from CT - but it gives a good "sum-it-up"...


When Is a Step-Parent a Parent for Purposes of Disclosing Educational Records?
Posted on March 1, 2010 by Michelle C. Laubin

An April 15, 2009 letter from the Family Policy Compliance Office (FPCO) addresses a complaint filed by a parent indicating that the school improperly disclosed the student's private educational information to a step-parent and grandparent during a meeting at school. If the child's father has parental rights and permitted the disclosure to the step-mother and grandmother, FERPA does not prohibit the disclosure, despite the objection of the biological mother. Furthermore, the term "parent" includes "an individual acting as a parent in the absence of a parent or a guardian". The US DOE has determined that a parent is "absent" if he or she is not present in the day-to-day home environment of the child. Therefore, if the step-parent is present in the home of the child on a day-to-day basis and the mother is not present, the step-parent would be considered a "parent" for purposes of FERPA and, according to the FPCO letter, disclosures of educational records to the step-parent would be permissible.


http://www.connecticuteducationlawblog.com/tags/ferpa/

 

[meghamann]

OK thanks. I realize she can when they get married but they are not married now and therefore not allowed to discuss anything with teachers, etc unless wirtten permission is given by dad.

 

[The_Non-Mom]

The problems I am having with her talking to the teachers is this. I email the teachers. I work different hours than their dad he gets off of work before school lets out and is able to go to school then and talk. I email about once a week/every other week. Well now I found out his girlfriend is emailing the teachers so the teachers have been getting frustrated since they are getting emails from me and her. She shouldn't be emailing. The dad was never emailing he doesn't even use a computer and his discretion is to go into the school. SHe is emailing while he is at work. Not her business.

I see this as a problem with the teacher, not the GF. Yes, I agree that the GF has no business emailing the teacher, especially if Dad is already visiting the school himself AND super-especially since it is doubtful Dad has given the school written permission to discuss kiddos with GF. But seriously, the schools in Wisconsin (in my experience anyway) will give any information to anyone for any reason.

Here is what I would do if I were you - Send an email to the kiddos teachers with a copy to the principal and attach copies of the emails you've received from frustrated teachers. State that you would like a copy of the written permission they must have on file allowing the teachers to communicate with GF. If they don't send it that day, follow up the next day....and the next day and the next day. If you don't get a copy of the written permission in one week, get the superintendant's email address and start copying her. Look up the FERPA laws and reference this law in your emails. "In accordance with FERPA, please provide a copy of the written permission....." yadda yadda yadda

Also, most school districts in Wisconsin now utilize an online record-keeping system. You can access attendance records, grades, immunizations, etc. Ask if the school has such a service and get signed up for it immediately. The teachers in the school district in our town are required to update the grades weekly and the system allows parents to see their current grades and sometimes grades from individual assignments.

 

[The_Non-Mom]

OK thanks. I realize she can when they get married but they are not married now and therefore not allowed to discuss anything with teachers, etc unless wirtten permission is given by dad.

CORRECTION - GF does not automatically have rights to access just because she marries Dad. Even if she is SM, she still needs written permission from Dad.