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Step-parent Guardianship

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bryan.hollister

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Tennessee

News reports have recently pointed out that National Guard units may end up being deployed in a more rapid cycle than they historically have; as a member of a National Guard unit that returned from Iraq last year, my unit is likely to be affected by this in the next 1-2 years. I have been divorced for three years, and and looking to be remarried within the next year. I was awarded custody of my three minor children in the divorce, and their mother has moved out of state within the last year (some of you may remember).

Part of a unit's pre-deployment checklist involves a family readiness plan, PARTICULARLY for soldiers with minor children. This plan outlines emergency contacts, some estate planning, and guardianship of children while the soldier is deployed. My concern is this: when my fiancee and I do get married, will she become my children's legal guardian (and I hers) by default, or do I have to specifically designate her as such, even though she is my spouse? If I WERE to deploy (again) after we were married, I am concerned that my ex would raise the specter of moving the children to Michigan with her while I was deployed (causing even MORE disruption in their lives over and above my deployment). Is marriage sufficient to designate my new spouse as the children's legal guardian, do I have to do so through a POA, and if she IS designated as legal guardian, is that sufficient to allow the children to remain in their home during my deployment??

This may come up sooner than I expect; any help would be greatly appreciated..

thanks,

:confused:
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? Tennessee

News reports have recently pointed out that National Guard units may end up being deployed in a more rapid cycle than they historically have; as a member of a National Guard unit that returned from Iraq last year, my unit is likely to be affected by this in the next 1-2 years. I have been divorced for three years, and and looking to be remarried within the next year. I was awarded custody of my three minor children in the divorce, and their mother has moved out of state within the last year (some of you may remember).

Part of a unit's pre-deployment checklist involves a family readiness plan, PARTICULARLY for soldiers with minor children. This plan outlines emergency contacts, some estate planning, and guardianship of children while the soldier is deployed. My concern is this: when my fiancee and I do get married, will she become my children's legal guardian (and I hers) by default, or do I have to specifically designate her as such, even though she is my spouse?
No, your marriage does not make your wife a legal guardian of the children. She will remain a legal stranger to the children.


If I WERE to deploy (again) after we were married, I am concerned that my ex would raise the specter of moving the children to Michigan with her while I was deployed (causing even MORE disruption in their lives over and above my deployment).
That would be her right to do, and its almost guaranteed that a court would give her temporary custody of the children during your deployment.

Is marriage sufficient to designate my new spouse as the children's legal guardian, do I have to do so through a POA, and if she IS designated as legal guardian, is that sufficient to allow the children to remain in their home during my deployment??
You can do whatever you like with your military POA, however the court will control what happens regarding your children. Your POA will not.

I know that its not what you want to hear, but the reality of things is that if you are deployed, your children are going to be living with their mother during your employment, unless she agrees to leave them with your wife. Your children have two parents. If one parent cannot be available to them, then its in their best interest to be with the other parent.
 

ceara19

Senior Member
Your best plan of action would be to try and come to an amicable "stand-by" agreement WITH mom in the event that you are redeployed. There are some VERY RARE instances where children have been LEGALLY left in the custody of a step parent when the custodial parent is deployed to a war zone. However, in those few instances, the non-custodial parent is almost ALWAYS unfit and/or unable to be a suitable parent. Nothing in your previous thread even REMOTELY suggests that your ex is legally unfit.

Also, by taking the matter to the court for a judge to decide would put your new girlfriend front and center. While she would probably derive a great deal of pleasure from it, her level of over involvement came through loud and clear over the Internet. I can only imagine how overbearing it would be in person. The WORST thing that anyone can do to sabotage a custody case is to bring with them a step parent that doesn't know their place.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
You can designate stepmom (when she's actually stepmom) any way you like in your family readiness plan. That will not negate Mom's rights to parent her children in your absence. A court is likely to send the children to live with her in the meantime. And yes, that opens the door to her petitioning for a change in custody. And support.
 
N

NYCDAD

Guest
your future wife has no rights to your children

. Your children have two parents.
and your finace/future wife is not one of them. marrying you does not give her rights to your children, or make her their parent. she has no rights to your children, and no standing legally to do anything where they are concerned.
 
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