Stepmother is torturing my daughter...

[6452]

My ex's new wife has repeatedly cut and colored our daughter's hair. This may sound innocent, but she used to have hair down her back now it's above her shoulders. Everytime she's convinced gramma (his mother) to highlight her hair, or myself, she ruins it. This time she turned it blue. She says horrible things to her like "I hate your mother and wish she would die in a car accident." "Your'e a "B-word" like your mother...etc." In the custody papers she is not supposed to be around our daughter alone but she is anyway. Constantly. My ex, witnesses and complies with everything she does and says. He will not stand up for our daughter and lies to protect his new wife. (of 3 years now) She hit our daughter in the head with a hairbrush and they came up with three different stories for that one. Our daughter doesn't like to go there anymore. They've made up stories about our family and social services "had" been a regular part of our lives for a while. That was stressful on everyone. SS doesn't seem to protect children from emotional abuse, just physical or sexual. This woman is evil and my daughter is terrified to stand up to her. This woman doesn't stop and she has bounced around from job to job to job, a lot of them in attorney offices, so she knows how to bend the law to the breaking point without getting into trouble. I think my ex is afraid of her. I am. I've never been able to stop her from hurting my daughter it's no wonder she's afraid to stand up for herself over there. It is so hard to prove the things she does, and my daughter doesn't realize everytime that she's being evil so I feel like I still don't know everything she has to deal with over there. I can't believe her father does't protect her. Because he does not I feel like his visits should be supervised or shortened. This way he'll be visiting with her instead of dumping her off on his wife, and she won't be able to play with her head the way she does. This woman works for the town, and she speaks to my attorney's husband and my attorney has even commented on how crazy she is. SO why can't I protect my daughter? Why do I have to fear that she is going to emotionally destroy my daughter? She comments on her looks, where she lives, says I don't trust her and don't remember her. In truth they never tell my daughter when I call, and when they are late they say I was doing something that I forgot about her for. I know she will understand more and more as she gets older, but how about all of those scars you get from child hood that affect the rest of your life? That make you feel bad about yourself even when other people assure you that they are absolutely not true?! There is so much more. The police need everything in writing. So showing them custody papers as I have done only prompts them to tell me that any of the issues like her dad hiding with her when it time for her return, that this is a civil matter. My ex and his wife are just trying to run me out of money I'm sure. So it would be nice to have a written definition of sole care control and custody to show them when it comes to them having to interpret the law. ...and the definition of visitation. I do not want to be unfair. I want to protect my daughter from the head games they play. This woman has no boundries, she has pilaged through my grandmother's house, his gran's house, my friends boyfriends house. She has my social sec. # So far she hasn't used it to my knowledge. But I have to keep checking now. They've put me in jail for falsly accusing me of assaulting my ex. They are evil smart but not so smart because they claimed that in the classroom of our daughter and the teacher was there to witness everything and know that none of it was true. So the teacher and I went to court 3-4 times while they never bothered to show up they just kept calling I guess to make us have to sit there that many more days. Everytime I go for help they attack in a new kind of way. My daughter is receiving all of their punishment for me beacause they know that's where to get me. How can they use her as a tool like that?! How do I approach the system to get my daughter help? Without her paying for it at there house for telling me something or telling on them? Am I off track? Is all of this little and I am just so irretated by slashed tires, and bull going on since 2001 that it is making me unreasonable? I have always approached this from a legal angle and the system is not helping. Infact they don't even punnish my ex and his wife for attacking us. Maybe that's why they don't stop. They know they won't get into trouble, and if it gets close they only have to lie. Yeah that's what I want them teaching our daughter. I am so upset. If some one knows how to help us, please direct me. So many well intentioned friends and family members who wittness this just don't know the law. I need direction to not lower myself to their level and it's getting very hard the more and more I see how it is affecting our daughter. I am hoping to show her that the good guys do rise above and succeed. Don't they?What is the name of your state?

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Please start with giving us the custody / visitation orders, and everything you have done THROUGH the courts to prove your daughter is being abused.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Please rewrite with facts and paragraphs, it is too difficult to read.

 

[stealth2]

In the custody papers she is not supposed to be around our daughter alone but she is anyway. Constantly. My ex, witnesses and complies with everything she does and says.

If your ex witnesses everything she does and says, she's not alone with your child. Right?

 

[LdiJ]

Could you please go back and edit your post to add paragraphs....double spaced between them.

Your post is just too hard to read....I gave up half way through.

 

[6452]

I have sole care control and custody. They have visitation every other weekend, every other Easter/Spring break, every other Thanksgiving, every Christmas at noon until the New Year at 6m and two weeks of summer vacation.

We have not been to court for her emotional abuse.

We have been to court for domestic tresspassing after they slashed all of our tires. They were found not guilty.

We went to court for the fake assault, it was dismissed after they continued to not show up.

For all of the other things I've needed help with, I have not had the money to take to court. I have asked Social Services while they were here to help with the other situations and when they go to the other camp they clean up, fly straight, and deny. Then accuse us of something to turn the focus off of themselves. I'm afraid to go to social services because they haven't helped so far and it stirs up so much trouble with the ex's wife that it only gets worse.

From your response I think I need to take more things to court, but I don't have the money, and I don't know how to prove the emotional abuse. The blue hair is easy, because the salon said that since she put it directly on her fresh highlights it would have to grow out. So that's not going away soon. But I don't know if my daughter is strong enough to stand up against them in court. I am not a witness, I am in the hear-say category because my daughter is telling me. Am I wrong, I think they will want her testimony as proof if I am only being told by her.

 

[stealth2]

How old is your daughter?

And I'm still curious how the stepmom is alone with the child when you claim Dad witnesses all of her behavior.

 

[CJane]

As hard as this may be to grasp... it's not illegal for step-mom to be a bitch. It's not even illegal for her to be a bitch to your child. The court has (apparently) already ordered her to not be alone around your child. If she IS, then dad is in contempt and you need to take that to court with PROOF (WITHOUT your child testifying).

 

[Zephyr]

you may also want to get your daughter into counseling- 1 to help her deal with the step and 2 for 3rd party input to the court regarding the sitch at dad's

 

[6452]

The word "all" was wrong. My daughter is 10. This has been going on so long that both statements apply. He goes along with her and he leaves her with the
step-mom when he leaves. This is what my daughter has said to me.

The first week of this summer vacation my daughter said she woke up to a note that said he'd be back at 3:15 and that they'd went to work. She said they left no phone because they were afraid she'd call me. Everyone else went o 4-H.

They have no idea what I already know and have not done anything because I don't know what to do about it without causing more trouble for our daughter at their house. I just want the step mom to stop saying such horrible things to her and to stop wrecking her self image.

I want her to stop making our daughter feel bad and sabotaging everything I, his mother, my mother, or any one does for her. My daughter cried and cried over a friendship bracelet that I made her that step mom didn't like so she cut it off and threw it away. She does things that I don't know how to help our daughter with and dad won't step in.

 

[6452]

Thank-you...

Thank-you for your time and advice, I'm sorry my stuff was so hard to read at first.

I think I will put her in counseling again. I just wish step-mom would only attack me, and that dad could comprehend the big picture.

If I can figure out how to focus my questions better then I'll try again with out being so windy! I just felt like I needed to give a little back ground to set the stage for why I'm so lost at this point. Again thanks.

 

[LdiJ]

It still would help if you go back and edit your first post to make paragraphs...you may get more help.