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Stepparent Adoption

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RRevak

Senior Member
Something i'd like you to keep in mind OP is that sometimes initiating a request for step-parent adoption MIGHT reignite his desire to be in the childs life. I have been at the point of getting the process started, attorneys hired etc, only to have my ex change his mind mid process. He then decided he wanted visitation/custody. This was after it had been so long since we had contact that my child barely knew who he was anymore, with the exception of the pictures she was shown by myself. While I understand your desire to have a father figure in her life, sometimes its actually better to just let the sleeping beasts lie. Just because your husband isn't legally her father doesn't mean he can't be a great father figure. After all, paperwork isn't what makes a "real" dad. If a few years go by and he's still non existent, then maybe you can revisit things. Again, speaking from someone who's been there I would really sit down and think about this whole thing if I were you.
 


moveslikejagger

Junior Member
Something i'd like you to keep in mind OP is that sometimes initiating a request for step-parent adoption MIGHT reignite his desire to be in the childs life. I have been at the point of getting the process started, attorneys hired etc, only to have my ex change his mind mid process. He then decided he wanted visitation/custody. This was after it had been so long since we had contact that my child barely knew who he was anymore, with the exception of the pictures she was shown by myself. While I understand your desire to have a father figure in her life, sometimes its actually better to just let the sleeping beasts lie. Just because your husband isn't legally her father doesn't mean he can't be a great father figure. After all, paperwork isn't what makes a "real" dad. If a few years go by and he's still non existent, then maybe you can revisit things. Again, speaking from someone who's been there I would really sit down and think about this whole thing if I were you.
Thank you for your words. I have been thinking about this constantly. It weighs heavily on me at all times. I go back and forth between fighting for giving my daughter the stability (legally) that I want her to have, and just letting it go as it is and not wake a sleeping beast. I do not believe the conditions at her father's house were sanitary ( she told me bugs crawled on her when she played on the floor and that she still used a potty chair to use the bathroom because their bathroom was disgusting and she didn't want to touch anything. When I questioned her dad about the potty chair thing he did admit that he still did have her potty chair for her to use. She was 6. In my opinion too old to be using a potty chair. But I wasn't sure if these things were enough to have anything done, because I assume children live in these conditions other places.

It may be hard to believe, but her dad and I had a pretty amicable relationship up until all of this. I tried to make things as easy as possible for our daughter, and while we had our moments of disagreement we for the most part agreed on things. We had birthday parties together, we would buy Christmas presents together for her, take her out to dinner together when we could, etc.

My biggest fear, and maybe this is silly I don't know, is that something would happen to me and she would be taken 3 hours away from her home.
I will think about this very hard before I do anything...this isn't something I'd jump into without being very informed and thinking/praying hard and long about.

Thank you for sharing your story with me.
 

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