What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? wherever you are-don't forget this part!
since no one seems to EVER read the sticky, i thought i'd share some info.
i am a STEP parent. my husband posts on here. so i thought i'd share a few things, that the usual stepparent knows
#1-YOU do not pay child support. you married a man/woman who pays child support, knowing they pay it. so the term "it comes out of OUR household!" is only partly true. that money is paid out of his/her paycheck, though they live in your house!
#2-YOU did not give birth to that child/inseminate that woman. therefore, LOSE the bio-mom(dad) term!
#3-JUST because you married dad/mom, technically and in all reality, does not mean that YOU inherited children. you inherited the title "live in babysitter". it sucks, i know. i do it myself, but i do enjoy it!
#4-just because YOUR spouse, refuses to speak to the other parent, does NOT mean that YOU should automatically become a spokesperson! while myself and my husbands ex wife get along, we are generally the ones who discuss everything. it works for us, she and i get along for the most part, and we realize one thing: THE CHILD IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PLAYER IN THIS GAME!
#5-NEVER come and say "my child my child", as in YOUR own child. why? because unless your child was born first, and the court acknowledges that, your child definitely comes second. trust me, i know that one too!
#6-attempting to assert yourself as a parent, to various entities such as schools, churches, extra-curricular activities, doctors, etc...are NOT going to earn you stepparent of the year! in fact, you're going to anger the child's real parent. maybe even your spouse! and, lastly, there's a good possibility that although a child won't say it, that child does NOT always want you there!
#7-representing yourself to the above mentioned entities, or any other, without first consulting MOTHER and FATHER, could actually get you into legal hot water. a "biological" parent(as you so like to call them), can drag this in front of a judge, who although might not wan't to see any of you again, is not going to be impressed with you! also, people who know the parent you are trying to "be" are not going to be impressed with you either! i've seen stepparents in dr's offices get shot straight down, by a receptionist who knows mom/dad. and just b/c you think you know that person behind that desk, there are laws protecting that parent/child from people like you(who want to know information that is irrelevant to you).
#8-if possible, try to be friends when a child is involved. there are many reasons. 1)because it's just smart from the get go! 2)it teaches children, just how important decorum can be, and goes with the "treat others as you wish to be treated" image that you and their teachers try so hard to show those children every day.3)in the event when it does become an issue of parents talking, if you're friendly with that parent, it can help for that 1 person(you) to be open and compromising on BOTH sides, not just the person you are married to.
#9-do not discuss things with the child. ie; all your parent wants is money, we could do better with you, i ___ your parent, etc...it's like this: boys, hate when you talk about their mamma! girls, will slap someone who talks about their daddy!
#10-do not act out in front of the child, especially towards the other parent!
i haven't posted over here before, that i know of...but i read some of the posts by stepparents, and about stepparents. and then i see, why we're hated so unanimously! i can't stand either of my stepchildrens moms. do they know that? not out of my or their father's mouth! when my SD talks about being upset with her mom, i do my best to turn her towards her mom, versus "bringing her to my side". children don't come to us trying to rally the crowd so to speak. they turn to us, hoping we can help them cope, or understand things.and often, when the real parents are fighting, we're the one turned to, b/c we learn to keep our mouths shut. and children actually appreciate that! i'd love to add more, but i imagine this thread will be locked, or i'll end up berrated for it. but stil, no one wnats to read that sticky, otherwise, some of you wouldn't say a 1/4 of the crap that comes out of your mouths!
sure, i bathe and feed and oftentimes clothe my stepchildren. am i their mother? nope, i'm that cool chick who gives them skittles knowing damned well, *I* am going to later fight them to eat their dinner
...did i give birth to them? nope, but damnitall, without a moment's hesitation, and if the situation called for it, i'd give my own life for them! does paying child support, affect me and my own son? sure, in a way. and that way is: *I* had a child with this man, who pays 2 seperate child support orders. THEREFORE it is MY responsibility to make sure that whatever my husband cannot do, i do for my own child. sure, i didn't work for a year due to a bad pregnancy. sure, my son is 1, and i just got back to work about 3 months ago. but did my husband try to use those for excuses to lower his child support? no, he still had that moral obligation to the children he made! did i use that as an excuse, to be angry for the amount we pay? nope, i learned that no matter what, i'm not just here to support my husband. i'm also here to make sure that every one of them is taken care of, including their mothers. because no matter what, they will always love their mothers, and that's part of my job. NOT TO TRY AND TAKE OVER! so learn it now! you're a nanny, a babysitter, and a playdate. and rather than whine about this and that, think of ways to make it better, not ways to change it suit YOU BETTER. b/c the less $ paid to that parent, the less that child has. YOU are not the important one, nor is your child in relation to wtfe question you are here to ask(for the most part).
since no one seems to EVER read the sticky, i thought i'd share some info.
i am a STEP parent. my husband posts on here. so i thought i'd share a few things, that the usual stepparent knows
#1-YOU do not pay child support. you married a man/woman who pays child support, knowing they pay it. so the term "it comes out of OUR household!" is only partly true. that money is paid out of his/her paycheck, though they live in your house!
#2-YOU did not give birth to that child/inseminate that woman. therefore, LOSE the bio-mom(dad) term!
#3-JUST because you married dad/mom, technically and in all reality, does not mean that YOU inherited children. you inherited the title "live in babysitter". it sucks, i know. i do it myself, but i do enjoy it!
#4-just because YOUR spouse, refuses to speak to the other parent, does NOT mean that YOU should automatically become a spokesperson! while myself and my husbands ex wife get along, we are generally the ones who discuss everything. it works for us, she and i get along for the most part, and we realize one thing: THE CHILD IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PLAYER IN THIS GAME!
#5-NEVER come and say "my child my child", as in YOUR own child. why? because unless your child was born first, and the court acknowledges that, your child definitely comes second. trust me, i know that one too!
#6-attempting to assert yourself as a parent, to various entities such as schools, churches, extra-curricular activities, doctors, etc...are NOT going to earn you stepparent of the year! in fact, you're going to anger the child's real parent. maybe even your spouse! and, lastly, there's a good possibility that although a child won't say it, that child does NOT always want you there!
#7-representing yourself to the above mentioned entities, or any other, without first consulting MOTHER and FATHER, could actually get you into legal hot water. a "biological" parent(as you so like to call them), can drag this in front of a judge, who although might not wan't to see any of you again, is not going to be impressed with you! also, people who know the parent you are trying to "be" are not going to be impressed with you either! i've seen stepparents in dr's offices get shot straight down, by a receptionist who knows mom/dad. and just b/c you think you know that person behind that desk, there are laws protecting that parent/child from people like you(who want to know information that is irrelevant to you).
#8-if possible, try to be friends when a child is involved. there are many reasons. 1)because it's just smart from the get go! 2)it teaches children, just how important decorum can be, and goes with the "treat others as you wish to be treated" image that you and their teachers try so hard to show those children every day.3)in the event when it does become an issue of parents talking, if you're friendly with that parent, it can help for that 1 person(you) to be open and compromising on BOTH sides, not just the person you are married to.
#9-do not discuss things with the child. ie; all your parent wants is money, we could do better with you, i ___ your parent, etc...it's like this: boys, hate when you talk about their mamma! girls, will slap someone who talks about their daddy!
#10-do not act out in front of the child, especially towards the other parent!
i haven't posted over here before, that i know of...but i read some of the posts by stepparents, and about stepparents. and then i see, why we're hated so unanimously! i can't stand either of my stepchildrens moms. do they know that? not out of my or their father's mouth! when my SD talks about being upset with her mom, i do my best to turn her towards her mom, versus "bringing her to my side". children don't come to us trying to rally the crowd so to speak. they turn to us, hoping we can help them cope, or understand things.and often, when the real parents are fighting, we're the one turned to, b/c we learn to keep our mouths shut. and children actually appreciate that! i'd love to add more, but i imagine this thread will be locked, or i'll end up berrated for it. but stil, no one wnats to read that sticky, otherwise, some of you wouldn't say a 1/4 of the crap that comes out of your mouths!
sure, i bathe and feed and oftentimes clothe my stepchildren. am i their mother? nope, i'm that cool chick who gives them skittles knowing damned well, *I* am going to later fight them to eat their dinner
...did i give birth to them? nope, but damnitall, without a moment's hesitation, and if the situation called for it, i'd give my own life for them! does paying child support, affect me and my own son? sure, in a way. and that way is: *I* had a child with this man, who pays 2 seperate child support orders. THEREFORE it is MY responsibility to make sure that whatever my husband cannot do, i do for my own child. sure, i didn't work for a year due to a bad pregnancy. sure, my son is 1, and i just got back to work about 3 months ago. but did my husband try to use those for excuses to lower his child support? no, he still had that moral obligation to the children he made! did i use that as an excuse, to be angry for the amount we pay? nope, i learned that no matter what, i'm not just here to support my husband. i'm also here to make sure that every one of them is taken care of, including their mothers. because no matter what, they will always love their mothers, and that's part of my job. NOT TO TRY AND TAKE OVER! so learn it now! you're a nanny, a babysitter, and a playdate. and rather than whine about this and that, think of ways to make it better, not ways to change it suit YOU BETTER. b/c the less $ paid to that parent, the less that child has. YOU are not the important one, nor is your child in relation to wtfe question you are here to ask(for the most part).