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stepparents rights

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takara1

Guest
What is the name of your state? washington state,
i am a loving devoted step mother, i have been with my husband and daughter for six years. my husband and x-wife have shared parenting argreement we have our daughter wednesdays and thursdays and every other weekend and one month in the summer. my problem is my husband works out of town for long periods of time and when he is gone his exwife changes the parenting plan all the time, she makes allowences for her exhusband to have our daughter on our days and changes the weekend plan to meet her needs. what right do i have as a step parent? i love my daughter more than the world and would like to keep a consistant schedule with her.
any advice would be great. thank you
 


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valarie1979

Guest
I agree , none.
If he is gone out of town for long period of time and she is dropping the child off with you it is up to her if she wants to leave her child with you or not, she has the choice to change what ever she wants to as long as long as your husband,her ex has no problem with it, or as long as he is out of town.
 
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Jarenblue

Guest
I asked my husband to have stipulations placed in the parenting plan so that it included step-parents. So that way, my step-son stays whether his father is out of town or not.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
You can ask for anything you want, but it's not up to you, your husband or even his ex. It's up to the judge. And unless your state has specific third-party visitation rights in statute (which I highly doubt) you're outta luck.
 
As a future step-parent I understand that you love that child as if she were your own, and yes she is your daughter too. It takes more than genetics to be a parent (granted not in the eyes of the Court, most the time) but where it counts for the childs' wellbeing. I agree with the post that suggests you ask your ex to try to modify the parenting plan to include the times that your husband is out of town that you watch the child. If you have been there for six years the judge may take that into account. But good luck it won't be easy.
 
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Jarenblue

Guest
In her eyes, that is her child. When a woman raises a child for a considerable amount of time, it becomes your child, no matter who the biological parent is. I have raised my step-children for 7 years and I'm sorry, as far as I am concerned, I am their mother. It was placed in the parenting plan for that specific purpose. A mother is the person who raises you, not necessarily the one who gave birth to you.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
Jarenblue said:
In her eyes, that is her child. When a woman raises a child for a considerable amount of time, it becomes your child, no matter who the biological parent is. I have raised my step-children for 7 years and I'm sorry, as far as I am concerned, I am their mother. It was placed in the parenting plan for that specific purpose. A mother is the person who raises you, not necessarily the one who gave birth to you.
And nothing you have posted remotely has anything to do with the law. The court, if he tries something like this with the mother's objections, will simply strike it from the plan.

A step parent has NO RIGHTS! Either get that through your skull or not. I don't give a damn.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
They're replying to my statement, BB. And if the child did not have two involved bioparents, I'd be more inclined to agree with them. However, the child DOES have two involved bioparents. She is their child. As much as stepmom may love her, she is NOT hers.
 
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Jarenblue

Guest
We are just trying to help her with her problem. Here is what is listed in my step-sons Parenting Plan:

That the Step-Parents of said child shall have the right to transport said child for parenting times and custodial periods, school, activities or trips, or to provide any other transportation required in the parenting and custodial care of said child. That Step-Parents shall have the right to share information with any school official or other authority or agency, physician, counselor, psychiatrist/psychologist, health care professional, activity supervisor, friend, relative or any other person concerned with the health and well-being of said child for the purposes of providing said child with proper care and supervision. That Step-Parents shall have the right to seek regular and emergency medical care for said child under the guidelines of this Order, and to consent to such care should the need arise, and a custodial Parent is not available to consent to such care. The Step-Parents shall have the right to touch, hold and carry, dress, feed, diaper, bathe, make purchases for, administer necessary medications to, and discipline said child within the guidelines of this Order, with the implied consent of the Parent residing in that home. That Step-Parents shall have the right to receive telephonic and written communication from said child without interference from any person.

All I was trying to point out was that "There is a way to work things out for the benefit of all involved".
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
And you still don't get it do you? Your 'rights' as outlined in the affixed clause, ONLY derive from your husband. Without him, you have none.

and even so, if daddy isn't there during visitation, even with this clause, you have no rights to such visitation.

Try reading it again without the rose-colored glasses.
 

MBMom

Member
Jarenblue said:
In her eyes, that is her child. When a woman raises a child for a considerable amount of time, it becomes your child, no matter who the biological parent is. I have raised my step-children for 7 years and I'm sorry, as far as I am concerned, I am their mother. It was placed in the parenting plan for that specific purpose. A mother is the person who raises you, not necessarily the one who gave birth to you.

The OP said the dad and her had his daughter on Wednesdays, Thursdays, and every other weekend. Other than that, she's STILL always had her mom. So, no, just because it's been six years that she's KNOWN this child doesn't make her the mother "no matter who the biological parent is". I don't know what you consider "raising" the child, but it looks to me like the dad and mom are "jointly" raising the daughter. Your situation sounds like it may be different, but your comments don't apply to this particular situation. The girl is not "her" daughter, it's her "step-daughter". Her "mom" is still very much in the picture.
 
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tigger2two

Guest
sounds like the bio mother has primary physical custody. if you are saying that you only have your step daughter 2 days a week and everyother weekend, and consider that raising her, i dont find that to be a fair statement. My kids have a step mom too which is fine. I hope that treats my children as her own. But i disagree with you saying you have raised this child as if the mother has done absolutly nothing for her. i agree with everyone else you as the step mom's only rights in this matter, is to have your opinion heard by your husband ( the father ). But other than that you have no rights to say you are her MOM. give her mom some credit. she probably feels you are trying to replace her which is why she changes visitation on you when your hubby isn't in town.
 

haiku

Senior Member
Without touching the emotional crapola which has no footing in law,the OP's husband needs to petition to change visitation to more closely reflect his hometime, that way if he lives in a state that allows such things, who HE chooses to care for his kids during his visitation time, is not the custodial moms choice.

A s a cp, I had no say if my ex had to work, and put our child in daycare, same goes for my husbands ex now, if my husband has to work during his time, he still gets to keep them at his house.
 

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