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  1. #1
    Mandrmedrano is offline Junior Member
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    Supervised Visitation

    What is the name of your state? Az
    I have sole custody of my daughter and her father has supervised visitation due to a history of drug addiction. He was court ordered in 2004 to drug test weekly (random) and still to this day has not. It was recently extended to 1 year which initially he only needed to complete 90 days. just last year he completed a 90 day rehab (his 4th attempt) and then right after was arrested and went to prison. Upon his release his parole requirement was drug testing, except it is very random, like maybe once a month. He is insisting that this will satisfy our custody court order and he doesnt have to do any additional testing, even though ours is and has been ordered to be weekly (due to his drug of choice). Our order also requires that i receive a copy of the testing within 2 weeks of the test. I have yet to receive any testing, ever. Doesnt his parole requirement have NOTHING to do with his requirements for our custody order?What is the name of your state?
  2. #2
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mandrmedrano View Post
    What is the name of your state? Az
    I have sole custody of my daughter and her father has supervised visitation due to a history of drug addiction. He was court ordered in 2004 to drug test weekly (random) and still to this day has not. It was recently extended to 1 year which initially he only needed to complete 90 days. just last year he completed a 90 day rehab (his 4th attempt) and then right after was arrested and went to prison. Upon his release his parole requirement was drug testing, except it is very random, like maybe once a month. He is insisting that this will satisfy our custody court order and he doesnt have to do any additional testing, even though ours is and has been ordered to be weekly (due to his drug of choice). Our order also requires that i receive a copy of the testing within 2 weeks of the test. I have yet to receive any testing, ever. Doesnt his parole requirement have NOTHING to do with his requirements for our custody order?What is the name of your state?
    His parole requirement has absolutely nothing to do with his requirements for your court order.
  3. #3
    Mandrmedrano is offline Junior Member
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    so what do i do? He's not testing for our order. Yet he gets her regardless, supervised i know, but he's in violation of our order. I honestly want as little drama as possible with him, as it gets intense. i usually do all i can to keep any contact to a minimum. Attorneys got expensive battling this the last few years. So i cant do that anymore. I just didnt want to file a motion to enforce, and then the judge tell me that his parole testing is satisfying our order.
  4. #4
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mandrmedrano View Post
    so what do i do? He's not testing for our order. Yet he gets her regardless, supervised i know, but he's in violation of our order. I honestly want as little drama as possible with him, as it gets intense. i usually do all i can to keep any contact to a minimum. Attorneys got expensive battling this the last few years. So i cant do that anymore. I just didnt want to file a motion to enforce, and then the judge tell me that his parole testing is satisfying our order.
    How exactly are your orders worded? Who supervises the visits?

    Its possible that you are not required to provide the child for visitation if he is not giving you clean drug tests. Whether or not that is worth pursuing depends a great deal on who is doing the supervising.
  5. #5
    Mandrmedrano is offline Junior Member
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    his parents are the supervising party. and it doesnt state anywhere that he will lose his visits if he doesnt test, thats why he doesnt test, i guess. It just states his visits will remain supervised until he completes the testing and anytime he misses one test the time starts over again.
    you see my goal is not to pull my daughter from him. I believe she's safe because she is with her grandparents. I just want to make sure that im not a sitting goose when they attempt to say they've completed the 12 months of testing by submitting his parole testing. After the testing is complete his visits are no longer supervised. Thats what im terrified of. If he cant even test for a mandatory court order, what does that tell me about his responsibility outside of that? What else is odd, is why will he test for his parole requirements but not our order.. which is for his kid! I guess because he will get shipped back to prison. Our court order he's learned nothing will happen by not testing. Its been ordered for 3 years. the worst thing he complains about is having to be supervised, yet he does nothing to change it. It just scares me, and i dont know how to find out without filing a motion with the court.
  6. #6
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    If the court order specifically states that he must complete weekly testing for 12 months consecutively (totalling 52 consecutive tests) before he no longer has supervised visitation, then that is what he must do. He cannot just submit 12 random tests.

    He has to satisfy the court that he has followed their order. If he chooses not to do-so, his visits will never be unsupervised.
  7. #7
    Mandrmedrano is offline Junior Member
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    actually i felt 12 months was maybe too much since it was weekly, so i offered that if he could complete 6 months of weekly random testing i would be ok with the last 6 months being every other week. Then once complete we would revisit his supervision. thats how it reads. I have attempted to contact him to meet and talk since he is very disrespectful to me, and his family follows him regardless the situation. he claims since he has been clean for almost 2 years, this is unfair of me to still ask of him, and that i am extremely controlling because i will not accept his testing from his parole. His 2 years clean is because he was incarcerated. Actually he allowed his parents to be added to our court order and step in place of him when he is not available (incarcerated/rehab) he also requested that his parents be the supervised party, yet now, i am the bad one because i am holding to our order. Him and his new fiance have come at me that i wont let him have a normal relationship with our daughter beecause his parents have to be there everytime. therefore i am accused of "keeping her from him". I simply reply, he agreed to this order, no one forced him to sign it, he thought it was fair. he only has every other weekend with her, yet anytime my daughter is picked up, he's not there. Our order allows him weekday visits if he schedules in advance. He has been back in arizona since June and has not once asked for her outside of his weekends, yet I "keep her from him".

    His parents hired an attorney last year for him while he was in rehab battling his meth addiction to fight me for sole custody. His attorney advised them it was in their best interest to let me have it. Its been a journey, and i just feel if he is indeed clean, why wont he simply do the tests to finish this off? instead its like he's being a stubborn 3 year old and purposely not doing them because he doesnt feel he should have to. Do i just let it continue? or do i file something with the court? idont know. i have put my foot down to where i will not communicate with him except for text, or email because of how disrespectful he is anytime i answer his calls. even with my attempts to meet and talk to smooth things out.. he shoots me down, because i wont agree to drop the drug testing.
    Last edited by Mandrmedrano; 10-29-2007 at 09:13 PM.
  8. #8
    Bloopy is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mandrmedrano View Post
    actually i felt 12 months was maybe too much since it was weekly, so i offered that if he could complete 6 months of weekly random testing i would be ok with the last 6 months being every other week. Then once complete we would revisit his supervision. That’s how it reads.

    I thought you said before that due to the nature of the drugs he was using that weekly testing was needed.

    Its just you gave him an inch… So you verbally agreed to “change” the court order down to bi-weekly testing? Daddy’s logic may be, “If you’re willing to change it to half the testing Why not half that again?” You’ve given the message that you can tweak the court order… and what’s good enough for parole…

    I certainly think he’s being unreasonable and needs to comply with the court order. I can just see him trying to explain in court his parole requirements from his additional arrests are evidence he’s ready to parent unsupervised.
  9. #9
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
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    Based on your various postings, I have a feeling that you don't believe that he will remain drug-free. And it's pretty easy to blame you for the supervised visits instead of realizing that his behaviour is what got him into the situation to begin with. Knowing several drug addicts, I have found that they blame everyone else for their problems instead of accepting the blame and moving on. You will never win an argument of this nature with this type of person.

    You need to find a support group that can help you deal with your X being a drug addict. He may be clean at this moment, but it doesn't sound like he's willing to go the next mile to remain clean. The threat of returning to prison is probably his biggest deterent.

    The judge made the order. You may suggest to your X to take it to the judge to see if it should be changed. Chances are slim since he hasn't made any effort to comply.
  10. #10
    Mandrmedrano is offline Junior Member
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    Unhappy

    No, let me clarify. I didnt change the court order. That was the court order. at first i told my attorney i wanted 12 months of weekly testing. Then i agreed with our attorneys to do the 6 and 6. Nothing has been modified or changed after the fact. It went into an order as 6 months and 6 months. I just meant, i agreed to give a little break by not asking him to do a full 12 months of weekly, so i said i would be ok with the 6 months of weekly and then 6 months of bi weekly. (my attorney recommended i go with that) Honestly, i never figured he would complete even the first 6 months. He only had 90 days initially and never could complete 2 weeks of that. That obviously doesnt even matter.. anything i do turns into me being the bad guy. He's 20k in arrearages, has missed almost every birthday of hers, due to rehab or jail, and now that he believes his life is "new" im supposed to take his word and end the drug testing.
    Last edited by Mandrmedrano; 10-29-2007 at 10:27 PM.
  11. #11
    Bloopy is offline Senior Member
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    Yeah. Pigs will fly.

    He won't get off supervised.
  12. #12
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
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    Your X reminds me of my dad. When he died, he was a dry drunk. We took away all the alcohol, but that didn't stop him from trying every trick in the book to convince us that he didn't have the problem - my mom and me were to blame for it all.

    If you X really wanted to get unsupervised visits, he would make the effort to do the drug testing. It's really much easier to blame it on your so that he doesn't look bad in the eyes of the new GF.

    Stick to your guns here.
  13. #13
    Mandrmedrano is offline Junior Member
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    Ginny j, you are so right on, thank you very much for your post. I have gone to support groups. This has been an on going issue for over 7 years. We have not been together for over 4 now. He left out of state for awhile and things were nice. Then upon his release he came back and everything began to unravel again. Plus he has a new girl now, who has decided to get in the middle and accuse me of all that they have obviously portrayed me as. Poor thing has no history, but it just makes the scenario worse, ya know? Anyway, i do my best to avoid the situation. He gets her 4 days out of the month. I stay as far as i can from any contact outside of pick up and drop off. i just wonder if i should go to the judge to request enforcement, or if i should leave it be, as the worse case scenario is his visits remain supervised. i just dont want the judge to question me as to why i never said anything about him not testing. Ugh.
    Last edited by Mandrmedrano; 10-29-2007 at 10:35 PM.
  14. #14
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
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    Actually, wouldn't it have been up to daddy dearest to file for a modification of parenting time to be unsupervised? It's up to him to comply and show the judge how he has complied with the court order. You are his X, not his mother.
  15. #15
    Mandrmedrano is offline Junior Member
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    you know what stinks.. my little girl.. she's so beautiful. I did all i could to make this something she wouldn't feel as much as i did. I came from a broken home.. and just know how much it affects kids. im so against separating. yet.. now that he's "healed" and has moved on.. they laugh in my face (with their actions) and treat me horrible like how dare i do this to them. I have been made out to be the biggest control freak when all ive ever asked him to do was follow the order and be in her life. Nothing more nothing less.
    I have 2 girls and the 3 of us are very close. Its just ridiculous that after all he has done to us.. that he wouldnt see all that ive held together on my own and thank me for it.. heck even show a morsel of respect for it all. Nope.. thats my fairy tale world... im learning that.

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