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Suspect that wife will try to take child out of state and not return

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granite.block

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arizona

Hi All,
I will try and be concise with my question, but bear with me as I provide some background as well.

I have lived in Arizona since 1995. My wife moved out here from New York to be with me 6 years ago. We were married three years ago.

A year and a half ago, my child was born here in Phoenix. Since that time, my wife has faced increasing pressure from her family in NY to return to NY with or without me, so that they can help raise my child. For a variety of reasons, I am unwilling to make the move to NY.

We have been in counseling for the better part of the year, and I have proposed several compromises, however my wife is insistant that it is NY, or nothing.

She is taking my child to visit her parents over Christmas, and I am concerned that she may simply decide not to come back. If she does come back, I am increasingly convinced that it is only a matter of time before she does leave for NY with our child and not come back.

If she pursues this course of action, what options do I have to make sure that my child is returned to AZ, at least until a custody plan is either agreed upon, or a judge makes a decision for us? I am terrified of having my child taken from me, and being effectively powerless to do anything about it.

Other facts that may have some bearing:
The house we live in is in my name only, pre-marital asset. This is the only home my child has ever known.
My child is obviously a resident of Arizona
I work full time, 5 days a week, although I work out of the house on Fridays. My wife works part time, two-to-three days a week. The days that my wife works, our child goes to the babysitter. Typically this leaves my wife home two days a week more than me. While I suppose that does give her some advantage, it also means that she is not 100% stay at home mom.
 


Isis1

Senior Member
In the event mom does extend her visit in NY, to longer than the agreed upon time, file for custody within that month. You have six months before mom and child would become a resident of her new state. But act quickly so you aren't held back by time constraints.

You may chose to file for divorce at the same time.

Now you have a few options. You can request the child be returned to the state of jurisdiction until further orders.

You can request primary custody with a parenting visitation plan for mom.with mom living in the same town/city.

You can request primary custody with a long distance parenting plan for mom with mom covering all the costs for transportation (since she created the distance)

You can request mom be the primary parent with you having the long distance parenting plan with mom covering all the costs of transportation.

Or you can request mom and you have a 50/50 time share with mom living in the same town/city.

Personally, I'd tell mom to shove off for letting her family insist on "helping" her raise the child. But then that's a pet peeve of mine. Not going to work out very well if the child lives with you while mom is running around in NY is it??

And you working full time is not a bad thing. Mom works too. Daycares are still in working order.
 

granite.block

Junior Member
If this happens, can I file for custody without filing for a disolution of marriage? I was under the impression that the DOM had to happen, in order for me to have any rights, otherwise the court assumes that we are two responsible and mature adults who have agreed upon the current situation?

I'm prepared to file for divorce if that is the case. I don't want to give up on marriage, and I intend to do what I can to make it work, but if my child is taken from me, then I'm prepared to do whatever it takes.

If I do file for custody\dissolution and request that my child be returned to the state of jurisdiction, what sort of timeframe am I looking at? Days? Weeks? Months? I know that courts can move extremely slow. What about a situation like this? Would this warrant any kind of expedited attention?

Is it a concern that in the meantime my wife would have sole access to my child and be able to create a "status quo" where she is the primary\sole caretaker?
 

Tex78704

Member
You are between a rock and a hard spot. Your best bet is to discreetly consult with an attorney in your area to answer these questions.

There is no guarantee that if you file for divorce/custody after she has left the state, that she will be ordered to return the child anytime soon. That decision would be made at a temporary orders hearing. Her attorney would likely argue she already left the state prior to the divorce filing, and that she and the child have a strong family support group in NY. How much water that argument will hold one cannot say for sure.

In the event the child is ordered returned, it is likely it would be with mom as the custodial parent. If so, you may need to prepare for the contingency of finding alternative living arrangements for yourself. And you may very well be paying both child and spousal support in the short term, and be on the receiving end of standard visitation of your child.

If your wife is that strongly set on relocating to NY, and if your agreeing to relocate is the price you pay for salvaging the marriage and keeping the family intact and your child closer to you, then that is something you will have to weigh the merits of on your own.

However, once you file for divorce and custody, that will start you down a road that will be difficult to turn back on, and with long term consequences you may not be willing to accept.
 

granite.block

Junior Member
You are between a rock and a hard spot. Your best bet is to discreetly consult with an attorney in your area to answer these questions.

There is no guarantee that if you file for divorce/custody after she has left the state, that she will be ordered to return the child anytime soon. That decision would be made at a temporary orders hearing.
I guess that's part of my question. What would it take to get the temporary orders? In a situation where the child is taken from their home, would the court show any interest in moving faster?

Her attorney would likely argue she already left the state prior to the divorce filing,
Does that make a difference? Particularly if her leaving is a significant contributing factor to the filing?

and that she and the child have a strong family support group in NY. How much water that argument will hold one cannot say for sure.
Does the mothers strong family support really trump the father's right to be a part of his child's life? I would hope that as a father, and a particularly involved father, my relationship with my child would come before grandparents and aunts and uncles.

In the event the child is ordered returned, it is likely it would be with mom as the custodial parent. If so, you may need to prepare for the contingency of finding alternative living arrangements for yourself. And you may very well be paying both child and spousal support in the short term, and be on the receiving end of standard visitation of your child.
This is a worst case scenario for me. Is there anything I can do to help protect myself against this?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I guess that's part of my question. What would it take to get the temporary orders? In a situation where the child is taken from their home, would the court show any interest in moving faster?



Does that make a difference? Particularly if her leaving is a significant contributing factor to the filing?



Does the mothers strong family support really trump the father's right to be a part of his child's life? I would hope that as a father, and a particularly involved father, my relationship with my child would come before grandparents and aunts and uncles.


This is a worst case scenario for me. Is there anything I can do to help protect myself against this?
In advance? No there really isn't at this point.
 

Tex78704

Member
In the event the child is ordered returned, it is likely it would be with mom as the custodial parent. If so, you may need to prepare for the contingency of finding alternative living arrangements for yourself. And you may very well be paying both child and spousal support in the short term, and be on the receiving end of standard visitation of your child.
This is a worst case scenario for me. Is there anything I can do to help protect myself against this?
Worst case scenario is something you have to be prepared for, and there is little, if anything, you can do to guarantee it will not happen, even if you preemtively filed for divorce today before she leaves the state. Beyond this, only an attorney in your area can review your situation and give you a reasonable expectation (not guarantee) of what you can expect.
 

sometwo

Senior Member
Is there anything I can do to help protect myself against this?
There is not much you can do to protect yourself from stuff happening.

You don't want to go ahead and file for divorce or custody but that would be the only way I could think of to get a step ahead before anything happens.

If you were to already file for temporary custody etc then you could ask that the court place a restriction on the child from being removed from the state. However you can also wait and if she decides to stay also go to court and ask that the child be returned.

Either way though its not going to stop mom from trying what she wants to do when it comes down to it and things can get messy quick if you go file now.
 

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