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suspected drug abuse by father

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wooten3955

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Ohio

I want to divorce my husband but have not yet filed any paperwork. We have a 17-month-old son, and my husband wants to have shared parenting. I would not be opposed to this at all except for one reason: I suspect my husband is using illegal drugs. He disappears for an hour or two each night without telling me where is is going, and when he returns, he appears under the influence of something. Also, a year ago, I found a stash of marijuana in the garage. Since I confronted him about it, he has gotten better at hiding it, but I still believe he is using it.
What steps should I take when I finally start the divorce process? Things are very tight for me financially, and I fear the legal fees that will come with the custody fight. But I can't put my son in danger. What should I do?What is the name of your state?
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state? Ohio

I want to divorce my husband but have not yet filed any paperwork. We have a 17-month-old son, and my husband wants to have shared parenting. I would not be opposed to this at all except for one reason: I suspect my husband is using illegal drugs. He disappears for an hour or two each night without telling me where is is going, and when he returns, he appears under the influence of something. Also, a year ago, I found a stash of marijuana in the garage. Since I confronted him about it, he has gotten better at hiding it, but I still believe he is using it.
What steps should I take when I finally start the divorce process? Things are very tight for me financially, and I fear the legal fees that will come with the custody fight. But I can't put my son in danger. What should I do?What is the name of your state?
Its difficult to even bring up the issues of drug use unless you have hard, cold evidence....outside evidence (such as an arrest). Even then, many judges will simply order that recreational drug or alcohol use is not to take place when the child is present.

You can ask that you both be tested for illegal drug use, but don't count on a judge ordering it.
 

BL

Senior Member
You would say , you found a stash in the home that belonged to your husband , and confronted your husband . You would say your husband leaves for a couple hrs. and looks funny when He comes back .

The Judge would look at you funny , and wonder why , if you found illegal drugs , why didn't you do something other than confront your husband .

He will Deny all allegations , might say he had a couple beers with the boys .
 

milked

Member
Unfortunately there is very little you can do in the way of prevention. I'm going through this process. My Ex disappeared for 5 days just before we split, and I have a police report which indicates she was under the influence of some narcotic. She called me 2 weeks ago drunk driving with out son in the car. I thought for sure that I could at least have her sent to rehab, but no. I have no proof.
My advice would be to let him know how you feel. That everything can be amicable if he would just make the decision to stop using. If he does not, he risks intervention by the proper authorities. I have a friend who went through this, and what he had to do was wait until the time came when he knew his ex using was with a known drug dealer. Then he called the police, she went to jail on a felony, and he got full custody.
But make sure your side of the street is clean :)
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
OP, it is going to take a whole heck of a lot more than just suspicions to get full custody and/or supervised visitation for your husband. Ohio has a presumption of joint custody -- unless you can prove that hubby is using AND it impacts his ability to parent by placing junior in danger, Ohio courts are not going to take custody from him. You after all know that there were drugs in YOUR home and what is to say (proof) that you did not condone it? Absolutely nothing. You can suspect whatever you want -- but proving it is what you NEED to do.
 

wooten3955

Junior Member
To "milked"-- thanks for your compassionate reply. I am not happy you are going through the same thing, but I am glad SOMEONE understands what I'm going through. Several peoplw who posted wondered why I didn't do anything about the drugs when I found them. He was my HUSBAND. At that point, I was not going to leave him over that. I hopes (naively) that he would stop using if I pleaded with him.
I suppose I will just hope he has the sense not to use when he has my son, or find some hard evidence. *sigh*
 

CJane

Senior Member
He disappears for an hour or two each night without telling me where is is going, and when he returns, he appears under the influence of something.
I can think of another activity that could result in this exact same thing happening, and it doesn't involve illegal drugs - or any drugs (except maybe viagra).
 

BL

Senior Member
I can think of another activity that could result in this exact same
thing happening, and it doesn't involve illegal drugs - or any drugs
(except maybe viagra).
***************
Ha he He He haw Haw , I thought viagra lasted longer . :eek:
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
To "milked"-- thanks for your compassionate reply. I am not happy you are going through the same thing, but I am glad SOMEONE understands what I'm going through. Several peoplw who posted wondered why I didn't do anything about the drugs when I found them. He was my HUSBAND. At that point, I was not going to leave him over that. I hopes (naively) that he would stop using if I pleaded with him.
I suppose I will just hope he has the sense not to use when he has my son, or find some hard evidence. *sigh*
Fine. Go into court in Ohio and say "I want him drug tested because I suspect he is using drugs because there were drugs in our home. Therefore he is an addict." Watch the judge either slam you both for a drug test and you better hope you haven't been around it at all or just say "And?"
 

wooten3955

Junior Member
To some who think my husband has been cheating, I seriously doubt that is it. I have found absolutely no evidence of that (no myterious phone calls, no change in his habits i.e. new cologne or clothes, no unexplanable receipts for restaurants/hotels, etc. etc.) and he constantly pesters me for sex, although we have agreed to separate (we are still living together right now).
Also, I think I WILL ask the judge order a drug test because I have nothing to hide. Is is so unbelievable in today's world that someone might not use marijauna????:confused:
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
To some who think my husband has been cheating, I seriously doubt that is it. I have found absolutely no evidence of that (no myterious phone calls, no change in his habits i.e. new cologne or clothes, no unexplanable receipts for restaurants/hotels, etc. etc.) and he constantly pesters me for sex, although we have agreed to separate (we are still living together right now).
Also, I think I WILL ask the judge order a drug test because I have nothing to hide. Is is so unbelievable in today's world that someone might not use marijauna????:confused:
No, its not unbelieveable at all...its just that many, if not most judges won't deal with the issue without hard, cold evidence. It a common accusation in a contested custody battle...and commonly a false accusation or at least a questionable one.
 
To some who think my husband has been cheating, I seriously doubt that is it. I have found absolutely no evidence of that (no myterious phone calls, no change in his habits i.e. new cologne or clothes, no unexplanable receipts for restaurants/hotels, etc. etc.) and he constantly pesters me for sex, although we have agreed to separate (we are still living together right now).
Also, I think I WILL ask the judge order a drug test because I have nothing to hide. Is is so unbelievable in today's world that someone might not use marijauna????:confused:
The issue is, a court trial is expensive and you really never know what a judge will decide or how he may view you after you start throwing accusations. It's a gamble!

Here's a direct quote from my attorneys office when I asked about possible outcomes with my current case (father has a documented criminal history, is a drug user, hasn't had a job in over 10 years and I had an order of protection against him that he tried to fight and he lost) plus he filed back in June, and still has not attended the required parenting class, and here was the answer...

"Obviously, if we go to trial, we can never predict the outcome and if we do, we are always wrong.

I think it would safe to say you would have sole custody and/or joint with primary and he would still get some parenting time there. We would need to obtain more information and possibly have a custody evaluation done. Definitely a cost you don't want.

It's always better to settle so you know the outcome. If you go to trial, it's all up to a judge who gets the facts from both and picks from it as he chooses."​
It's really not about how bad the other parent is, their rights trump everything, and even sometimes the childs "best interests"
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
To some who think my husband has been cheating, I seriously doubt that is it. I have found absolutely no evidence of that (no myterious phone calls, no change in his habits i.e. new cologne or clothes, no unexplanable receipts for restaurants/hotels, etc. etc.) and he constantly pesters me for sex, although we have agreed to separate (we are still living together right now).
Also, I think I WILL ask the judge order a drug test because I have nothing to hide. Is is so unbelievable in today's world that someone might not use marijauna????:confused:
Bad Decision's attorney is right. Just because you ask doesn't mean you will get it. And the use of marijuana is NOT a big deal in custody cases UNLESS IT IMPACTS the parent's ability to parent in a concrete way putting junior in danger. You do what you want however. You think that it is as easy as saying he uses drugs and that makes him unfit. Even a positive drug test will NOT make him unfit unless junior is in danger or specifically negatively impacted.
 

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