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  1. #1
    SunnyJC925 is offline Junior Member
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    Question Tardiness and Sanctions

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

    My husband is the custodial parent of his 14 month old son. The mother of my step-son is frequently late returning him after her visitation; at least once a week she is late anywhere from 30 min to 3 hours. (Easter Sunday, she was 5 hours late.) She does not usually notify us that she will be late and frequently claims she "mixed up" the dates / times.

    All of these tardies have been documented and the police have been called to take incident reports. The police indicated there is nothing they can do when she fails to return the child, unless he has been kidnapped.

    Today, the woman requested special accomodation for various birthday parties, baby swim lessons, graduations, etc. over the next 2 months. She wanted to extend her visitation by 8 - 10 hours per week. My husband does not want to accomodate her requests since she can't keep to the existing schedule and order in place. In addition, several of her requests for special events have turned out to be lies, so he does not believe that she is being truthful now. For example, she asked to take the child to her grandfather's funeral when, in fact, the funeral had already taken place several weeks prior. She asked to take the child to a friend's 6th grade graduation, when that child's school does not have a 6th grade graduation ceremony.

    The mother has filed a request to modify visitation and become the custodial parent. My husband will be asking for sole legal and sole physical custody. They don't go to court / mediation until June. My questions are as follows:

    1. Is my husband's hesitation to accomodate her new requests detrimental to him retaining custody?
    2. He would like to ask that she just follow the existing order until June and readdress the issues then. Do you think this is the best course of action?
    3. What can be done about her frequent tardiness, if anything? Is she not held accountable by the legal system?
    4. Someone mentioned "sanctions" can be placed on her for violating the existing order. What are "sanctions," how do they work, and is this true?


    Thank you for your help.
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CaliforniaWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
  2. #2
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by SunnyJC925 View Post

    Today, the woman
    Really? Disrespectful much?

    1. Is my husband's hesitation to accomodate her new requests detrimental to him retaining custody?
    It certainly could be. As the custodial parent, he should foster as much time between kiddo and the other parent as possible.

    2. He would like to ask that she just follow the existing order until June and readdress the issues then. Do you think this is the best course of action?
    Not if he can't prove kiddo is in danger. Special events are part of parenting. Checking up to make sure they're really taking place is creepy.

    3. What can be done about her frequent tardiness, if anything? Is she not held accountable by the legal system?
    Nothing, really. She might get told by the judge to be on time from now on, but she's not hurting anyone. She's just being rude.

    4. Someone mentioned "sanctions" can be placed on her for violating the existing order. What are "sanctions," how do they work, and is this true?
    Not in the circumstances you described, no.

    If he can't prove that Mom is an imminent danger to the child, he's not getting SOLE anything.
  3. #3
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Does this all bother Dad? Or is it something that bugs you?
  4. #4
    SunnyJC925 is offline Junior Member
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    Thank you for the rude, snarky responses. Very helpful, indeed.
  5. #5
    CourtClerk is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by SunnyJC925 View Post
    Thank you for the rude, snarky responses. Very helpful, indeed.
    You're welcome! Have a nice evening!
  6. #6
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CourtClerk View Post
    You're welcome! Have a nice evening!
    See, I thought I was being exceptionally nice.

    But whatever. I have a book to finish before it's overdue. Ta.
  7. #7
    CourtClerk is offline Senior Member
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    I'm reading these in the middle of preparing for Take your kids to work day.

    This one here makes me want to stop taking my break.
  8. #8
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    This isn't Sandra Bullock changing a few detail, is it?
  9. #9
    CourtClerk is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Proserpina View Post
    This isn't Sandra Bullock changing a few detail, is it?
    God I hope Sandra Bullock wouldn't be coming here for advice.....
  10. #10
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by SunnyJC925 View Post
    Thank you for the rude, snarky responses. Very helpful, indeed.
    I was actually being serious - is this something that DAD is concerned about?
  11. #11
    Humusluvr is offline Senior Member
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    Who has a "Graduation from 6th grade?"

    Aren't kids EXPECTED to pass sixth grade? Like, pass ALL the grades? I can semi-understand the "I completed high school and I'm so happy" party, but 6th grade? Are you for real?

    I am going to have one heck of a party when I get my PhD - in 5 years.
  12. #12
    chronicle is offline Member
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    Yeah- the schools in my area have them. They say it's because the kids are going from elementary school to middle (or junior high) school. Then they have another "graduation two years late on the way to high school. I found it a little weird too... but whatever!
  13. #13
    GinAA is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Humusluvr View Post
    Who has a "Graduation from 6th grade?"

    Aren't kids EXPECTED to pass sixth grade? Like, pass ALL the grades? I can semi-understand the "I completed high school and I'm so happy" party, but 6th grade? Are you for real?

    I am going to have one heck of a party when I get my PhD - in 5 years.
    When my son "passes" a grade, he gets a hastle free summer. Congrats Kiddo, you did well!
  14. #14
    Humusluvr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by SunnyJC925 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

    My husband is the custodial parent of his 14 month old son. The mother of my step-son is frequently late returning him after her visitation; at least once a week she is late anywhere from 30 min to 3 hours. (Easter Sunday, she was 5 hours late.) She does not usually notify us that she will be late and frequently claims she "mixed up" the dates / times.

    All of these tardies have been documented and the police have been called to take incident reports. The police indicated there is nothing they can do when she fails to return the child, unless he has been kidnapped.

    Today, the woman requested special accomodation for various birthday parties, baby swim lessons, graduations, etc. over the next 2 months. She wanted to extend her visitation by 8 - 10 hours per week. My husband does not want to accomodate her requests since she can't keep to the existing schedule and order in place. In addition, several of her requests for special events have turned out to be lies, so he does not believe that she is being truthful now. For example, she asked to take the child to her grandfather's funeral when, in fact, the funeral had already taken place several weeks prior. She asked to take the child to a friend's 6th grade graduation, when that child's school does not have a 6th grade graduation ceremony.

    The mother has filed a request to modify visitation and become the custodial parent. My husband will be asking for sole legal and sole physical custody. They don't go to court / mediation until June. My questions are as follows:

    1. Is my husband's hesitation to accomodate her new requests detrimental to him retaining custody?
    2. He would like to ask that she just follow the existing order until June and readdress the issues then. Do you think this is the best course of action?
    3. What can be done about her frequent tardiness, if anything? Is she not held accountable by the legal system?
    4. Someone mentioned "sanctions" can be placed on her for violating the existing order. What are "sanctions," how do they work, and is this true?


    Thank you for your help.
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CaliforniaWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
    She's his mom, why do you care if she'd like to take him to special events? I think that's nice.

    Just follow the order, to the letter, then. That's why it's there, for people who can't compromise or agree on anything. I think it's sad though, and dad should know the pendulum swings both ways.
  15. #15
    AkersTile is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by chronicle View Post
    Yeah- the schools in my area have them. They say it's because the kids are going from elementary school to middle (or junior high) school. Then they have another "graduation two years late on the way to high school. I found it a little weird too... but whatever!
    Lets not go there... we now have a 6th grade PROM!!!!!

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