In Tears

[creesweet]

What is the name of your state? MD

Where do I start with my situation? Hmm... from the beginning maybe. I've been in a 9 year on and off relationship with my childrens father. We never married and there were on and off bouts with physical and verbal abuse which ended in 2 protective orders (the most recent 4/05-4/06) where in one case the state picked up the charges and ended in there being a "mutual disagreement", so no criminal charges were placed on him. I dealt with him being very controlling even to the point of him feeling that he can just walk into my apartment and look in my refrigerator and bedrooms.

I ended up involving myself with the muslim religion and met a gentlemen, who in turn wanted us to move to PA. I felt liberated as I could finally get away from the abuse from the children's father and we could finally start anew, elsewhere, away from the dysfunction. I moved to PA in Feb, 2006 while still under the protective order. Their father tried to keep me from leaving the state with an emergency order, to no avail. The court said their was no statutory basis for relief. So the children and I left for our new home.

That relationship ended up not working out and I was left with bills to pay, jobless, and at risk of losing my place in PA. I didnt maintain contact with their father for obvious reasons of past abuse and not wanting him to know where I was, or have any kinds of access to me. My protective was over by this time and I ended up moving out of that place and temporarily moved in with another family.

I finally was able to secure a 3 bedroom home and a minor income, while still being able to charter school from home the children. I finally decided it was time to contact their father and figured that we would be able to work out our disagreements as adults and parents. I contacted him July 31, so that the children could visit him for 2 months. The children were to return October 1st (luckily I was home charter schooling with an accredited school, they allowed flexibility for the start date). A friend of his picked up the children and they were on their way to visit their father. When I called him that night, to speak to the children he acted very strangely and the next day I went to MD, using my mothers address to file a petition for custody (of which I never followed through with, then becoming a PA resident on Aug. 19th).

While exchanging emails with the children during their visit with their father, I found that he had enrolled the children in school and by Aug 28th had filed a petition for custody. I immediately went to MD and took our older two children out of their schools but could not get our youngest child (he was with their father) and proceeded to take the children back to PA.

Since then, I have had limited contact with our youngest child and am in the middle of a custody dispute with their father. He has in his petition charged me with being in a polygamous "marriage" twice, living an ascetic lifestyle, and using corporal punishment, all of which are untrue. He's trying to use against me that twice I wrote on a piece of paper and notarized that he assist me with the children while I situate myself. Once for 6 months while it was 2 children (1 mine/1 ours) and then again for 1 year (1 mine/3 ours) at which time all the children returned to me. He also doesnt mention the fact that for the REST of the childrens lives, I was the primary caretaker and provider and he only offered limited monetary assistance, if ANY. He even went as far as to say he wanted full custody and supervised visitation. I've NEVER abused our children or allowed it in my home and he KNOWS that. He sent a PA social worker to my home and when she came (several times) she found NO reason to even open a case, as my children were happy, healthy, fed and had a roof over their heads, clothes on their back and because I had to seek employment outside the home were now in Public School (they were originally in the charter school when she first started coming and that was still not a problem).

I have had difficulty in finding a lawyer because of the different states, I cant afford one and legal assistance wont represent me because of the different states and the fact we have both sought legal services from a public defender and have canceled each other out with assistance. We have already gone before the Master for a Status Settlement Hearing and have since been unable to come up with any agreement. Because of the financial difficulty of traveling back and forth (i dont own a car and bus fare is ridiculous), I have had to temporarily move down here to my mothers apt (which is a 1 bedroom) and enroll my children in school here in MD, so that they wouldnt keep missing school because of the traveling.

I didnt turn in a pretrial statement (not even knowing what one was or how to fill it out), I went to the pro-se clinic and they assisted me in writing a Motion for Dismissal because of incorrect jurisdiction, but because he's had our youngest son for so long, the lawyer mentioned that the judge may allow him to go through with it, even though when he filed, he falsely claimed he had jurisdiction, and I didnt file a motion until so late in the case (of course not being represented has posed difficulties because certain things could have been done before). Our Merit hearing is in 2 days and I'm exhausted spiritually, physically and emotionally. I dont know if I can present evidence of his abuse through the protective orders, or how to present to the Master about the jurisdiction. I am at a loss to the whole legal system, I'm unsure of questions to ask, whether I should even ask questions, will I need to write opening or closing statements, how to respond to the attorneys questions, etc. I'm all alone in this and to let him win is to once again give him power and control over me that I had once again regained from the years of abuse. I'm in tears.What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?

[creesweet]

Court is tomorrow. I'm really scared. My mom suggests to speak directly to the judge and show NO emotions. Its hard when you are fighting with a man that is making accusations about you being a bad mother and all you did was try to get away from him and his abusive ways. I'm frustrated and feel like giving in and giving up. I love my children and dont want to lose them because their dad wants "control". I know that the lawyer will probably ask me questions, all I can do is respond truthfully. I dont even know if I should "cross-examine" their dad about the abuse or just try my best to make the judge aware that he is an ex-abuser.... I'm screaming inside!

[CJane]

You need to stop focusing on the abuse. It's only really relevant to custody if you can prove he's a danger TO THE KIDS. The fact is, you kept going back to him... and that takes away some of your credibility.

You kept the children hidden from him... that's not good. You then took the kids out of school and spirited them away LEAVING A CHILD BEHIND. Also not good.

What, EXACTLY did he file? What is he asking for?

[GrowUp!]

Originally Posted by creesweet

Court is tomorrow. I'm really scared. My mom suggests to speak directly to the judge and show NO emotions. Its hard when you are fighting with a man that is making accusations about you being a bad mother and all you did was try to get away from him and his abusive ways. I'm frustrated and feel like giving in and giving up. I love my children and dont want to lose them because their dad wants "control". I know that the lawyer will probably ask me questions, all I can do is respond truthfully. I dont even know if I should "cross-examine" their dad about the abuse or just try my best to make the judge aware that he is an ex-abuser.... I'm screaming inside!

This is NOT about you. Parents need to keep remembering this. How he treated you, quite frankly, is irrelevant. He could spit at you each time he sees you, but that has no bearing on the type of Dad he is or could be. And what you "think" is irrelevant as well.

The FACTS here, in addition to what CJane pointed out, are that you did alot of things wrong. And filing a petition for custody using a false address isn't smart either. Ignorance is no excuse of the legal system. You are legally bound to respond within a specified period of time and the court is not going to care why you didn't respond or retain legal counsel (and not having money will not cut it either, as most people can not afford an attorney). You're bouncing around from state-to-state. That will not look too favorably on you. Neither will your outright instability. You also will NOT be allowed to speak directly to the Judge.

Quite frankly, you're going to have to deal with however the Judge rules & you try cross-examining him on your alleged abuse issues...well, expect his attorney to object to each and every one of them as irrelevant -- and if you keep trying, expect the Judge to "have a word" with you about it.

[nextwife]

Originally Posted by GrowUp!

This is NOT about you. Parents need to keep remembering this. How he treated you, quite frankly, is irrelevant. He could spit at you each time he sees you, but that has no bearing on the type of Dad he is or could be. And what you "think" is irrelevant as well.

The FACTS here, in addition to what CJane pointed out, are that you did alot of things wrong. And filing a petition for custody using a false address isn't smart either. Ignorance is no excuse of the legal system. You are legally bound to respond within a specified period of time and the court is not going to care why you didn't respond or retain legal counsel (and not having money will not cut it either, as most people can not afford an attorney). You're bouncing around from state-to-state. That will not look too favorably on you. Neither will your outright instability. You also will NOT be allowed to speak directly to the Judge.

Quite frankly, you're going to have to deal with however the Judge rules & you try cross-examining him on your alleged abuse issues...well, expect his attorney to object to each and every one of them as irrelevant -- and if you keep trying, expect the Judge to "have a word" with you about it.

Sounds like part of the problem originates from your being totally dependent on others to support you. First, you stayed in a bad relationship UNTIL you found someone else to support you so you could move out.

Now your location is dependent on where Mom lives, because, again, you are depending on others to support you. You need to be able to support yourself, since you are to be producing kids. If you were doing that, you wouldn't be bouncing around so much.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by GrowUp!

This is NOT about you. Parents need to keep remembering this. How he treated you, quite frankly, is irrelevant. He could spit at you each time he sees you, but that has no bearing on the type of Dad he is or could be. And what you "think" is irrelevant as well.

The FACTS here, in addition to what CJane pointed out, are that you did alot of things wrong. And filing a petition for custody using a false address isn't smart either. Ignorance is no excuse of the legal system. You are legally bound to respond within a specified period of time and the court is not going to care why you didn't respond or retain legal counsel (and not having money will not cut it either, as most people can not afford an attorney). You're bouncing around from state-to-state. That will not look too favorably on you. Neither will your outright instability. You also will NOT be allowed to speak directly to the Judge.
Quite frankly, you're going to have to deal with however the Judge rules & you try cross-examining him on your alleged abuse issues...well, expect his attorney to object to each and every one of them as irrelevant -- and if you keep trying, expect the Judge to "have a word" with you about it.

The bolded part is absolutely NOT true. She will absolutely be permitted to speak directly to the judge in court.

[GrowUp!]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

The bolded part is absolutely NOT true. She will absolutely be permitted to speak directly to the judge in court.

Oh for chrissakes...of course IN Court, but not exparte, which is what I assumed was being implied from the comment of OP's mom.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by GrowUp!

Oh for chrissakes...of course IN Court, but not exparte, which is what I assumed was being implied from the comment of OP's mom.

Then state your assumption, so its clear what you are saying.