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  1. #1
    SnowAngel88 Guest

    Question Teen wants to live with Grandfather

    What is the name of your state? Tennessee

    My 13-year-old son wants to live with his Grandfather in North Carolina. This is my ex-husband's father. My ex is a druggie who is in and out of jail and (of course) rarely pays child support, which for both his kids is only $75 weekly. When my son was very young and I was still married to his father, I worked full-time to support us all, and was usually the only one with a job. When I divorced my son was 4 yrs. old. Most of his young life had been spent with my ex-husband's parents, because when I was at work and my ex should have been watching the kids, he was leaving them with his folks. We then lived in Georgia, only a few miles from his folks in NC. Now I am remarried and living in TN. We have a nice home and my son has his own room with lots of "junk", I tell him I love him every day, and brag on the artwork he does. I really love him. But he is terribly unhappy here and wants to live with "Paw." His grandmother died last year, so the grandfather is alone. He is becoming more and more hard to live with, fighting with everyone and threatening to leave on his own. Some days he's fine, but for now he is only pacified because I told him I would look into his living with his grandpa. Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!
  2. #2
    king sol is offline Member
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    Consider the best interest of the child. Unless there is reason not to consider the change, allow your son to go for a few weeks while school is out. Then evaluate.
  3. #3
    SnowAngel88 Guest
    Thank you for the suggestion. I will let him go during Christmas holidays. He was hoping to do that anyway. If all goes well, should I have the grandfather apply for legal guardianship, or would I be required to give him full custody? Is this something I would have to have an attorney for, or can the documents be drawn up and filed at the courthouse in the county where the grandfather lives? Thanks!
  4. #4
    king sol is offline Member
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    I know this is a "legal" advice forum.

    Unless a problem arises, is it necessary to have a court order. Court orders are for people who can not reach responsible decisions on their own.
  5. #5
    BelizeBreeze is offline Senior Member
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    And again, wonderful LEGAL advice Sol. As long as you are not responsible for the trouble you will cause.

    Snow, if you follow Sol's advice, and anything happens to your child, you can not only be held criminally liable but also find yourself in a civil court.

    And let's not forget there is a father, regardless of his quality. Unless he has had his parental rights terminated by a court, he has every right to contest this.

    Your ONLY legal course of action at this point is to either allow Gramps to petition for Custody (which, depending on his age won't happen while there is a parent available) or give Gramps a power of attorney. You cannot sign over custody.

    And SOL is not an attorney. So, follow his advice if you like. But if you do you'll NEVER have an answer here from anyone who is qualified.
  6. #6
    king sol is offline Member
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    BB- you are a wak!

    Children all over America are living with Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, sisters and brothers. A parent has the right to allow their child to visit with any family member or other person, even for extended periods of time.

    You are fixate on court orders. Court orders and court jurisdiction are only necessary if you have issues which need to be mediated by a judge.

    I've been wondering....do you earn your living in an occupation that gets it's funds from the court process? Or have you just been burned really bad? Read that you've been married and divorced twice, could that be the cause for your irrational need for legal protection?
  7. #7
    SnowAngel88 Guest

    How could I be criminally (or otherwise) liable?

    That is what worries me. If he should get into trouble and was not under my supervision, what would happen? His grandfather wants him to live there, but the school system will not allow him to go to school there without proper paperwork stating the grandfather is the legal guardian or has custody. I am trying to cover all the bases...I just don't know what they are.
  8. #8
    BelizeBreeze is offline Senior Member
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    Well, for example, you don't do this legally and gramps is driving down the road, has a heart attack and kills little junior, your ex will sue your ass and you'll spend the rest of your life paying the civil award.

    Or, gramps gets cut off on the freeway and trails after the jerk. When they are stopped gramps picks up a tire iron and starts swinging, hitting junior who got out of the car to watch. Junior dies.

    Or, Dad cleans up his act, files for custody and you appear in court. When the judge asks, "Where is the child" you tell the judge "I signed over custody to gramps". You sit awhile in court while junior is taken into state custody pending a full investigation.

    OR, pops goes into a deep depression, not caring for Junior as a parent. The house is filthy, rats and ****roachs invade and Junior loses 20 pounds because he can't cook. Child services is called and they take junior, charging you with abuse and abandonment.

    Shall I go on?
  9. #9
    BelizeBreeze is offline Senior Member
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    Oh, and I almost forgot. Since Junior has already established that he is good at getting your attention by throwing tantrums, let's say gramps tells him he can't go out on a Saturday night.

    Junior gets pissed and leave anyway. The police pick him up after he's started a fired that burns down 1/2 of the city.

    Guess who's door is getting the next knock.???
  10. #10
    king sol is offline Member
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    Ya, or Santa Clause crashes killing junior and Ms. Clause sues you for damages to the sleigh

    Or The tooth fairy sneaks in at night and does nasty things to junior and the ex sues you for failure to protect against fairies

    Or the easter bunny leaves rotten eggs, gramps eats one and dies and junior is left all alone, being forced to bbq gramps.


    Be real......

    Those types of situations can happen when her son is with freinds, with neighbors or visiting aunt flo.
  11. #11
    BelizeBreeze is offline Senior Member
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    Which, if you knew anything about the law, while still requires civil liability, does NOT create a legal liability.

    Even an idiot like you should be able to guess that one.
  12. #12
    i_found_nemo101 Guest
    I myself am going through my own dilema just like this. I am trying to move in with my father. I am terribly unhappy with my mother, but she does not nearly show as much love and compassion as you say you do. I think you should do what you think is best for your child; what would make him happy. My mother is too caught up in everything to see that I am truly unhappy, she needs the child support (i assume) so she doesn't seem in the least bit interested to do what would be the best for me. Teenagers are very rebelious human beings, atleast many of them. Most are not very forgiving creatures. I'm sure you can work out something with your son, you'd still get to see him if he did move in with his "Paw" I assume? He would still love you, but don't dodge the issue. Make sure you have a sit down, just you and him, and figure it all out, make sure he is mature enough to make his own decisions. He should be clear on what the consequences and advantages of moving in would mean. I myself can't get a talk with my mother, and I'm sure it would be much easier if we could both express our opinions rationally. Temper tantrums are not the way to go, talk it out. -Krista
  13. #13
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    sol - do you understand that the child cannot be enrolled in school at Gramps' w/o the proper legal paperwork? Or is that a completely foreign concept to you?
  14. #14
    LdiJ is online now Senior Member
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    Personally, I think that mom is making a mistake to even consider this. Even if it were something that could be done without any input from the father there are far too many ramifications in giving up custody of your child.

    I also think its a major mistake to allow a 13 year old to throw tantrums, particularly extended tantrums, and win.

    He can spend holidays and summers with his grandfather if thats appropriate to the overall situation.

    It may not be easy to give the grandfather custody or guardianship. However, if you find out later on down the road that the situation isn't working it would be even MORE difficult to vacate the guardianship or get custody BACK.
  15. #15
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    I agree completely. All this boy is learning is how well he can manipulate people. But hey, it's easier to give in than parent.

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