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teenager doesn't want to visit dad

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ssbauer

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Louisiana
Teenage son is not wanting to visit dad. Dad doesn't support son's activities, etc. Dad is on third marriage and has lots of rage attacks. What is son's rights?
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
If there's a court order for visitation, then son goes. Or Mom is the one who pays the price.

If he's got legitimate reasons for not going, a judge may take them into consideration if a modification is filed for. But until a judge says otherwise - he goes.
 

VeronicaGia

Senior Member
ssbauer said:
What is the name of your state? Louisiana
Teenage son is not wanting to visit dad. Dad doesn't support son's activities, etc. Dad is on third marriage and has lots of rage attacks. What is son's rights?
Children don't get to decide this. The court order has already made this decision. The son's activities are not as important as his parent.
 

ssbauer

Junior Member
At what age can the child say he doesn't want to visit dad. At what age will the courts hear his feelings?
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
ssbauer said:
At what age can the child say he doesn't want to visit dad.
18.

ssbauer said:
At what age will the courts hear his feelings?
Generally around 12 and older. A lot depends on the kid's maturity. But hearing his feeeeeeeeeelings doesn't mean the judge is obligated to take them into consideration.
 

ssbauer

Junior Member
Trying to clarify a couple of things,

Often Dad doesn't want to take the child to dancing, baseball etc. on his days so they stay with me (Mom) and I take them. Friday, there was a family activity in the evening of Dad's weekend and Dad okayd 8 yr old daughter to go, teenage son had basketball game, dad showed up at the end to pickup son and son stated that he was going to family outing with daughter and mom, step dad and step sister and brother, Son thought it would be okay since sister was going, obviously dad was just going to pick up son from game and not watch, well after the gathering, daughter was suppose to call dad and advise when we were leaving to bring them to their house and Dad advised that he had gone to eat out and they would have to stay at mom's house. Son and father got in argument and son hung up on dad, long story short, dad told son he was going to straighten him out when he saw him. Dad has history of rage attacks and had one two weeks prior with 8 year old daughter where son almost stepped in.

Now, next part, still dad's weekend, kids are going to school on Saturday due to "platooning" from Hurricane Rita, and son had basketball tournament, Mom brought son to both games and dad never showed up or called. When son was told this by dad, "straighten out", he began to cry and was really scared, he knows his dad's rages and I understand because I do as well. I (Mom) took son to school counseling between games to get advice and let her talk to teenage son, she stated that she would not allow her son to be subjected to it. I did not bring son to dad's. I do understand and feel his fear, I lived with it. Step dad tried to call dad and explain what was going on and dad became enraged with 8 year old in car and stated that if I don't bring son to his house tonight (saturday) that he was sending police to my house. He is a violent person, he takes supplements to gain muscle and I believe this is what makes him rage.

Son is Honor Roll student, works with step dad on days off of school, great kid all around and dad just doesn't not see it. Son also said if his dad hit him that he was going to hit him back, I cannot allow my son in this situation, his dad will hurt him.

Help, mom trying to protect son...
 

ceara19

Senior Member
Since the kids are in school on Saturdays due to a hurricane, that changes things a bit. You will still have to go through the court to get a temporary change in visitation. You will only get the change if for some reason dad can't or won't bring the kids to school, like distance for example.

If dad's abusive to him, you'll have to prove this in court. You can't just stop visitation on your own. If you do, it's less likely that the judge will believe the abuse allegations and you will be in contempt, whether the judge believes the abuse is there or not. About the only reason you could refuse visitation is if dad shows up to pick him up impared. Then the child would be in immediate danger if you let him go. Even then, you would need to call the police so that they could witness his behavior and fill out a report. If dad hits the son during visitation, the son needs to call 911 and you WHEN IT HAPPENS.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
You don't seem to be getting it, hon. You don't get to unilaterally make these decisions. Just because Dad let one child go to dinner, etc, doesn't mean he was allowing the other to do the same. Frankly, you should (edit) NOT be scheduling ANYTHING that interferes with Dad's visitation w/o his explicit approval for each and every kid.

The school counselor is in no position to violate the court order. Your husband has no place in intervening if Dad's not interested in dealing with him.

You are court ordered to make the kids available for visitation. You need to follow that order. Period. Whether your kid's basketball is changed due to the hurricane, or you have a family gathering, or whatever. That is all moot.
 
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ssbauer

Junior Member
I do get it, it is black and white, court order yes, but I am his mother and could not let my son get into this situation with his dad. I will seek my legal counsel tomorrow and I guess I am currently in contempt. Thanks for your advice.
Simone
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
ssbauer said:
but I am his mother and could not let my son get into this situation with his dad.
Yes, you could and you did. You apparently did not sort this all out *explicitly* with Dad prior to it being an issue. You left it to your son to "assume" what was acceptable. That's YOUR problem.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
ssbauer said:
I do get it, it is black and white, court order yes, but I am his mother and could not let my son get into this situation with his dad. I will seek my legal counsel tomorrow and I guess I am currently in contempt. Thanks for your advice.
Simone
I do sympathize with your situation. I too, if I thought my child was truly in immediate danger, would risk the contempt. It sounds like you thought that your son was in immediate danger....therefore I do not fault you for what you did. However, it also sounds like you understand the potential consequences.
So simply be prepared in case dad files for contempt.
 

Halls

Member
Can u explain these rage attacks you are talking about? Is he abusive to the children physically? If this is the case call CPS and file in court to have his visitation taken away.
 

ceara19

Senior Member
ssbauer said:
I do get it, it is black and white, court order yes, but I am his mother and could not let my son get into this situation with his dad. I will seek my legal counsel tomorrow and I guess I am currently in contempt. Thanks for your advice.
Simone

I understand how you feel. I would do the same thing if I were in your situation. (With the exception of the fact that I would probably kill dad if he ever laid a hand on the kids in anger, then visitation wouldn't really be an issue, would it?) But you asked for LEGAL advice and that's what you got. It doesn't matter if anyone morally agrees with you about withholding visitation, legally YOU are not allowed to decide if dad gets to see the kids or not. Your best bet is to get an emergency order ASAP to stop unsupervised visits until the judge hears a modification request. If you don't have a COURT ORDER to halt visitation, you are in contempt ever time you deny dad his time and that will only weaken your case against him.
 
M

MominMass

Guest
If Dad is truly violent, tell son to call 911 in the middle of the next "rage". Have him tell cops he wants to go home now. File for restraining order and further temporary orders asking for Dad's visitation to be suspended until he gets anger management counseling.

You really need to be sure, however, that this situation is really as dangerous as you're saying it is. Could there be other reasons why son doesn't want to go to Dad's? Is Dad's house too boring, too strict, without cable or internet, etc?
 

ssbauer

Junior Member
Rage, in the past, he had choked me, pushed me, slapped me, thrown a hammer at me when I was pregnant. I see it as "roid rage", it is uncontrollable anger. He is a nonreasoning person, we have already been to court several times and the bailiff made us stay in the room until they cleared the premises because he felt we were not safe. He gets a rage in his eyes and I knew yesterday what my son was feeling. During our separation I filed a request for evaluation of his mental stability, he was very threatening and I had to have a male relative with me when I picked up the kids because I was scared of what he would do. He called and begged and cried for me to dismiss the request so I had my attorney dismiss it. I don't want to keep my children from their dad, they need him, but I feel that he may need to seek counseling, he and my son definitely need relationship counseling and my son said yesterday, his dad would never do this.

He remarried shortly after I remarried and within a year or so she left him, he almost commited suicide and I tried to talk to him and help him through it. I called his mom and they went and stayed with him. He went through much counseling and he was on an antidepressant. He is about to get married again next week and I really hate for all of this to be going on, but I believe that these situations happen for all to get better. I am in contempt, but will not let my son go through what he thought and I thought was going to happen yesterday.
 
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