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Teenager wants to move to broke Dad, Dad wants my money!

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singletxmom

Guest
I am a single mother in Texas. I have been divorced for 12 years, and have a 15 year old by my ex-husband who I left when she was 2.5 years old. I received a whopping $165 a month for 10 years because he never could get a decent job or hold on to one. Three years ago, it was increased for the 1st time to $250 a month. He is only in arrears $500 or so. In the meantime, I have gotten myself a college education ON MY OWN, and I now earn $50,000 a year.

Now, my possessed 15 year old wants to move with dad and his third wife. My Daughter says she hates me and my son, her half-brother, and she doesn't love us. They (ex-husband dad and 3rd wife) e-mail her and call her, and I don't know what they tell her, but she is dead set on moving. THEY (ex husband and 3rd wife) are deeply in debt, don't make much money.

Daughter is moving at the end of the school year - I've given in at this point. Now, they're threatening to fight for custody and they continually, and I mean continually bring up the fact that I am going to have to pay $600 a month child support to them based on my income.

I have a son to raise other than my teenage daughter. I would lose my house if I had to pay that much money! I have been raising her and incurring expenses way more than $165 - $200 a month for the last 13 years on my own!

Can they really do this to me? What are my options?
I love my daughter and want to support her, but I know my $600 will just go to pay their bills!
 


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txkowgirl6

Guest
You know the grass always looks greener on the other side. Maybe you could get them to agree to a temporary 6 months and let her see what life will be like. If they want her that bad, and yes I know it's just a money thing, but they may see how difficult a teenager can be and decide it's not worth the money. Texas is usually 20% of net I think but you do get to take into consideration your other child so it may be 18%, there are calculators to figure it out. Anyway do they have the money to go to court and fight it out? I think they are just trying to scare you. Good Luck
 
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singletxmom

Guest
17.5% is correct, that comes to $595...

Cowgirl or anyone else reading. Yep, Texas law would make me pay $595 a month, that's 17.5% of my net income. I feel this is ridiculous considering I have spent the last 12 years raising her on my own dime, with a measly $165-$250 a month support from the ex. I too, have incurred debt on account of having children, you know Christmas presents, yearbooks, etc. and wont be able to pay more than my minimums due if they screw me over like that! Anyone have any advice? Why should him and his new wife, the 3rd one, benefit from my education?
 

jb8849

Member
I can relate

Mom:

My ex and his psycho spouse are the same way. They took my boys part of last summer only to try and convince them to stay. It didn't work. One thing that I have always told my boys is that they can live with their dad, but the courts have said that I'm the better parent. Furthermore, I have told them if they went against my wishes to move in with him, ALL OF THEIR STUFF (that I have spend my time, energy, and money working to get) will stay at my home and become mine.

So far, my 15-year old only talks about his room (the boy cave) and his mountain bike that I have provided, and goals of college and getting a car. Pseudo-Dad isn't in the picture for the future. Maybe I'm a control freak, but I've worked too hard to let my ex take and ruin these boys!
 
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hound dog

Guest
Well how I see it if your x was making 50,000 he would have paid the same as you. The law is the law and she is your daughter so you have to help support her rather you can afford it or not. Now you get a taste of how fathers are treated everyday. Atleast you had help rather he paid you 145 or 1000 he paid what the law told him to pay. So now the shoe is on the other foot so bite the bullet and pay up b.c you will have no choice. You are doing what is best for your child why is it all you can think about is $$$$$$$$$.....Did you ever give him a break about child support ....... I mean what comes around goes around. I do not mean to sound so harsh but think about it if he was making that much you would wanted what the law said was fair and nothing less . By law you will have to pay that amount rather you like it or not I did not say it was fair. I think parents should come together as parents and support them there should be no amount just both provide but that is in a fantasy world this is the real world 17.5%. Now you can keep her there but it will be hell for everyone. So I would let her go and bit the bullet hell you are looking a three years. maybe her father is what she needs. This age for girls are a turblent time for them and their mothers. When you say you do not want them to benefit fromyour education you are wrong it is your daughter benefiting, hell it is not cheap raising a teenager especially a girl the older they get the more expesive they get. So Goodluck!:p
 
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Grandma B

Guest
What is important is not the matter of who will be paying support or how much, but rather whether there will be a change in custody. A judge would consider your daughter's opinion, but not necessarily agree that a change is in her best interest. I'm even thinking that the girl is probably used to living well and having nice things. Maybe a trial of 6 months or so of living with her father and his new wife would open her eyes.

They don't sound like they can afford a custody battle. If you fought them, it would cost big bucks. And remember, they'd only have 3 years of support to recoup their costs. In the meantime, until custody is changed in the courts, they would continue to owe you monthly support.

I wouldn't worry too much about her saying she hates you and her stepbrother. That's not too unusual for teenagers.
 

CMSC

Senior Member
I would definitely refrain from calling your teenager possessed in front a judge. You also need to be respectful of your lowlife deadbeat ex and his wife, whether or not you want too:)! I am sure a judge will want to hear why your kid wants to move in with daddy and she will probably say something dumb like "my mom never lets me go out and I don't like my brother" blah blah blah, a real judge isn't going to take a teenager not agreeing with mom's rules to heart when it comes to custody, however, by you allowing your child to move in with dad before dad files for custody shows the court that you agree that your child should be there, and that you think dad is capable of raising a teen, i would definitely reconsider allowing her to move.
Just my opinion.
 
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singletxmom

Guest
Reply to Hounddog

Hounddog, Yes, I gave him a thousand breaks over the years. I never even took him to court for support until my daughter was 4 years old. Then, even at times when he would have a good paying job, I never took him back for increases. He only had to pay $165 a month for about 9 years. People making minimum wage have to pay more than that! But, I knew he didn't have a lot of marketable skills, so I gave him a break. Even now, the $250 a month isn't 17.5% of what he makes. He's a truck driver and making way more than the one and only time I took him back for an increase. He really should be paying about $300-$400 a month. I could've taken him back a lot more than I did, but I was nice. Of course, back then, he didn't have this 3rd wife who I think has a lot to do with it. . .
So you see, it never has been about the money with me. It is HIM who is making it about the money with me! In fact, he always makes me send him back his child support in the summer during her visitation. I know I don't HAVE to do that, but I always have. Aren't I the nice one. . . .
 

kat1963

Senior Member
I just want to say, I hear you on both angles. Just this past Feb. step son decided he would rather live with his Mom. Yeah, she decided the same day DH graduated, she wants her son. After 7 years of not a DIME in support, not a DIME in med bills, we now pay her enough to purchase a Caddy 4x4 and a Lexus. Heck we pay her more then our mtg. Court papers will show she is volunatarily unemployed...so she's providing what?
So what are you going to do you know? The system needs to be changed. Put your energy into making it so...thats all we can do. Hey, I'm the CP too, 18 a week for 15 years, never went back for another dime (not even med bills), he never bothered to see his son, I never kept him from him, he never bothered...so neither did I.
Just my thoughts here. Be glad it's only for a short time. Now you know how many NCP's feel..with years and years to go.
KAT
 

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