you should probably try to file first. since there is no order, you can see your kids, she can however try to cause you any aggravation she chooses. you need to keep up with it all and tell the courts when you go.
just a suggestion, respectfully i say this, when me and my x first divorced, we were both hurt and angry, and sometimes in that people say and do things they don't mean. thread carefully with her, she holds the upper hand with the children being with her. in other words, don't make her more angry or upset if you can. if you have already filed, try to wait, as hard as it will be for the court date and tell the judge everything. document it all, dates, times, attempts you tried to call or see the kids. sometimes a judge is not amused that a parent has kept the children from the other parent. i know you hurt as well, but try to be the better person, i did and things calmed down a lot between the two of us and the children were certainly better for it. dont let those kids be put in the middle and don't use them in any way to get back at her like she is doing with you. be patient if you can and bite your tongue as often as possible. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!
this is not legal advice. check the laws in your state. see if the local court house offers a law library or web site, and check the state statutes for divorce, custody, visitation and child support.
one other thing, you can also file for temporary custody if neither have filed yet. in other words, if you file first, request temp custody until a court date and a judge rules. that is just a thought and one you should think of long and hard.
