A
Astral
Guest
What is the name of your state? North Carolina
I posted this in the adoption forum, but I think I should have posted it here.
A little background...
My daughter is 6 years old. I gave birth to her at the age of 19. At the time she was born, I had done practically nothing with my life. When she was born, I determined to make something of myself. Her biological father never set eyes on her until she was 2 1/2, and even then it was from across a room. I survived by working full-time and getting government aid. When I applied to DSS for Work First, they told me that I had to try and get child support to qualify. I gave them the biological father's name, and they filed for child support. He (more like his parents) fought it, and requested a paternity test. It came back positive for him as the father, and he started paying child support. Now I wish I hadn't.
A couple of years ago, my parents offered to take care of my daughter full time while I went back to school (community college). With their help, I and my boyfriend were able to go full time and still make enough working to pay the bills, etc. After a while, the father's parents offered to help on the weekends, when my parents needed a break (they are retired and starting to feel their age) by looking after my daughter. I saw no reason to object. Well, I certainly regret it now.
Last April, they sued for custody of my daughter. Most of the things they used as reasons were b.s. (e.g. they said they believed I was of a Pagan religion -- as if that should have any bearing whatsoever regardless of whether it's true {for anyone who's curious, I actually consider myself an agnostic}). The things that did matter were unfortunately true. I did not have enough means, financially, to support her. I did not have a car (we do not have adequate public transportation here), and I was unmarried, but living with my boyfriend (Perhaps not legally relevant, but no doubt would still have influenced any rulings {for those curious, I am still with him, going on 5 years, and we are not married, nor planning on it}). They don't give court-appointed attorneys for cases like those, I did not have the money to even think of hiring an attorney, and the local sliding-fee/income-based program covers the entire western part of the state, and has very strict qualifications for giving their aid, and they wouldn't take my case. I was advised by the D.A. that if I fought and lost, the plaintiffs would get permanent custody, where as, if I let them mediate it, they would get temporary custody, and I could bring it back to court at any time. Given these conditions, I had little choice but to let them get temporary custody. My parents requested secondary custody, and got it. They went into mediation, the biological father, his parents, and my parents, and worked it all out. I was not informed of the results except to be told that they had temporary custody, I was to be given visitation when my daughter was with my parents (just 4 days a month, awful), and I could bring it back to court at any time.
I went on with school, and am now 1 class away from my Associate's Degree (not much, I admit, but it's an achievement for me). My boyfriend has 3 semesters to go before he graduates. In November, I was talking to my father, and found out that in the court order it states that both I and the bio. father were supposed to be paying child support to his parents. (I was not sent a copy of the order and had not seen it before then) My father offered to help me out and sent a check in to the address listed in the order covering approx. 4 months.
On Feb. 23rd, a sheriff gave a summons to my boyfriend (I was not at home at the time, and I would think that they are supposed to get proof that I received it?). The bio. father's parents are filing for a Termination of Parental Rights, in preparation for adoption. The grounds they give is "the Respondent Mother has willfully, without cause, failed to provide child support for said child for at least six consecutive months preceding the filing of this Petition". It states in the summons that I have the right to a court-appointed attorney for this case, and I need to answer within 30 days, or my rights get terminated automatically. We called state child support enforcement (where my dad sent the check), and it turns out that they don't have the case on file (that it was a private case. Why did the court order give that address then?). My dad's check was cashed by them, so he had no reason to believe it wasn't applied, and they never notified him. They said they would send an affidavit stating all this. I went to the clerk of court to fill out the forms to get an attorney. They gave me a business card, and told me that I needed to schedule a meeting myself. Every time I've called, I got voice mail. I don't have a phone, so I have given my parents' number for the callback. My father has also been calling. Yesterday, my father told me that he finally got someone, but they said the attorney wouldn't be in this week or next. The summons was filed Feb. 16th (even though I didn't get it until last week), and 30 days from that (I don't know, do they count all days, or just business days?) is the 17th.
I don't know what to do. I'm sorry to write a book, but I've got no one else to tell, especially that might be able to understand all the aspects and consequences. Even if I am successful at avoiding having my parental rights terminated, I still do not yet have the means to properly provide for my daughter. How can I prevent this from happening in the future? I'm sure they'll keep trying. It kills me to leave her with them, but my parents are not able to handle a 6 year old at their age, and even if I could manage to provide the very bare essentials, my daughter deserves more than that (any child does). If someone has any input at all, even if it's just an opinion, please give it. I would appreciate anything, even if it's a "sorry, you're S.O.L.".
Thank you for reading my story (that's assuming you've gotten this far). At the very least, it feels good to spill it all, even if it's to the computer screen.
~Astral
I posted this in the adoption forum, but I think I should have posted it here.
A little background...
My daughter is 6 years old. I gave birth to her at the age of 19. At the time she was born, I had done practically nothing with my life. When she was born, I determined to make something of myself. Her biological father never set eyes on her until she was 2 1/2, and even then it was from across a room. I survived by working full-time and getting government aid. When I applied to DSS for Work First, they told me that I had to try and get child support to qualify. I gave them the biological father's name, and they filed for child support. He (more like his parents) fought it, and requested a paternity test. It came back positive for him as the father, and he started paying child support. Now I wish I hadn't.
A couple of years ago, my parents offered to take care of my daughter full time while I went back to school (community college). With their help, I and my boyfriend were able to go full time and still make enough working to pay the bills, etc. After a while, the father's parents offered to help on the weekends, when my parents needed a break (they are retired and starting to feel their age) by looking after my daughter. I saw no reason to object. Well, I certainly regret it now.
Last April, they sued for custody of my daughter. Most of the things they used as reasons were b.s. (e.g. they said they believed I was of a Pagan religion -- as if that should have any bearing whatsoever regardless of whether it's true {for anyone who's curious, I actually consider myself an agnostic}). The things that did matter were unfortunately true. I did not have enough means, financially, to support her. I did not have a car (we do not have adequate public transportation here), and I was unmarried, but living with my boyfriend (Perhaps not legally relevant, but no doubt would still have influenced any rulings {for those curious, I am still with him, going on 5 years, and we are not married, nor planning on it}). They don't give court-appointed attorneys for cases like those, I did not have the money to even think of hiring an attorney, and the local sliding-fee/income-based program covers the entire western part of the state, and has very strict qualifications for giving their aid, and they wouldn't take my case. I was advised by the D.A. that if I fought and lost, the plaintiffs would get permanent custody, where as, if I let them mediate it, they would get temporary custody, and I could bring it back to court at any time. Given these conditions, I had little choice but to let them get temporary custody. My parents requested secondary custody, and got it. They went into mediation, the biological father, his parents, and my parents, and worked it all out. I was not informed of the results except to be told that they had temporary custody, I was to be given visitation when my daughter was with my parents (just 4 days a month, awful), and I could bring it back to court at any time.
I went on with school, and am now 1 class away from my Associate's Degree (not much, I admit, but it's an achievement for me). My boyfriend has 3 semesters to go before he graduates. In November, I was talking to my father, and found out that in the court order it states that both I and the bio. father were supposed to be paying child support to his parents. (I was not sent a copy of the order and had not seen it before then) My father offered to help me out and sent a check in to the address listed in the order covering approx. 4 months.
On Feb. 23rd, a sheriff gave a summons to my boyfriend (I was not at home at the time, and I would think that they are supposed to get proof that I received it?). The bio. father's parents are filing for a Termination of Parental Rights, in preparation for adoption. The grounds they give is "the Respondent Mother has willfully, without cause, failed to provide child support for said child for at least six consecutive months preceding the filing of this Petition". It states in the summons that I have the right to a court-appointed attorney for this case, and I need to answer within 30 days, or my rights get terminated automatically. We called state child support enforcement (where my dad sent the check), and it turns out that they don't have the case on file (that it was a private case. Why did the court order give that address then?). My dad's check was cashed by them, so he had no reason to believe it wasn't applied, and they never notified him. They said they would send an affidavit stating all this. I went to the clerk of court to fill out the forms to get an attorney. They gave me a business card, and told me that I needed to schedule a meeting myself. Every time I've called, I got voice mail. I don't have a phone, so I have given my parents' number for the callback. My father has also been calling. Yesterday, my father told me that he finally got someone, but they said the attorney wouldn't be in this week or next. The summons was filed Feb. 16th (even though I didn't get it until last week), and 30 days from that (I don't know, do they count all days, or just business days?) is the 17th.
I don't know what to do. I'm sorry to write a book, but I've got no one else to tell, especially that might be able to understand all the aspects and consequences. Even if I am successful at avoiding having my parental rights terminated, I still do not yet have the means to properly provide for my daughter. How can I prevent this from happening in the future? I'm sure they'll keep trying. It kills me to leave her with them, but my parents are not able to handle a 6 year old at their age, and even if I could manage to provide the very bare essentials, my daughter deserves more than that (any child does). If someone has any input at all, even if it's just an opinion, please give it. I would appreciate anything, even if it's a "sorry, you're S.O.L.".
Thank you for reading my story (that's assuming you've gotten this far). At the very least, it feels good to spill it all, even if it's to the computer screen.
~Astral