Terrified!

[mama2two]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I am the mother of two young boys ages 7 and 3. My husband and I are in the process of filing for a divorce, we have been separated informally for a year and he is asking for full custody of our boys on the grounds that I had an extramaritial affair. Currently we are living in the same home 4 nights a week. I stay at my boyfriends place the other three nights(not consecutively) when it is his turn to be with the boys and he will not move out of the house because he feels that he has a right to stay since he is the primary bread winner. I am the primary caregiver of the boys. I spend the most time with them and take care of their needs such as homework, bathing, feeding, picking up from school etc..when I am not working full time as a teacher and going to school to get my Masters degree.
My husband seems to think that since he makes more money and was faithful that he deserves full custody. He has threatened to take the kids out of state, take away my car and many other threats if I bring them near my boyfriend. I have kept my boyfriend and my children separate from each other even though the children know him and like him. They only know him as a friend of mine.
I dont know what my rights are here as a mother and if my custody is threatened because of my affair. I am terrified he would win custody based on his income and my affair. I need some advice!
Thank you.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

who is more important? Your children or your boyfriend?

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I am the mother of two young boys ages 7 and 3. My husband and I are in the process of filing for a divorce, we have been separated informally for a year and he is asking for full custody of our boys on the grounds that I had an extramaritial affair. Currently we are living in the same home 4 nights a week. I stay at my boyfriends place the other three nights(not consecutively) when it is his turn to be with the boys and he will not move out of the house because he feels that he has a right to stay since he is the primary bread winner. I am the primary caregiver of the boys. I spend the most time with them and take care of their needs such as homework, bathing, feeding, picking up from school etc..when I am not working full time as a teacher and going to school to get my Masters degree.
My husband seems to think that since he makes more money and was faithful that he deserves full custody. He has threatened to take the kids out of state, take away my car and many other threats if I bring them near my boyfriend. I have kept my boyfriend and my children separate from each other even though the children know him and like him. They only know him as a friend of mine.
I dont know what my rights are here as a mother and if my custody is threatened because of my affair. I am terrified he would win custody based on his income and my affair. I need some advice!
Thank you.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

dad does have a right to stay in his home until a court order say otherwise. such as you have a right to stay in your home until a court says otherwise.

are the two of you actually planning on filing for divorce? how soon?

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I am the mother of two young boys ages 7 and 3. My husband and I are in the process of filing for a divorce, we have been separated informally for a year and he is asking for full custody of our boys on the grounds that I had an extramaritial affair.

So papers are not filed and there are no court orders?

Currently we are living in the same home 4 nights a week. I stay at my boyfriends place the other three nights(not consecutively) when it is his turn to be with the boys and he will not move out of the house because he feels that he has a right to stay since he is the primary bread winner.

He has a right to stay. It is his house. Why should he move? Until there is a court order NEITHER of you have to move out.

I am the primary caregiver of the boys. I spend the most time with them and take care of their needs such as homework, bathing, feeding, picking up from school etc..when I am not working full time as a teacher and going to school to get my Masters degree.

I don't think you are the primary caregiver of the children. You are working full time and going to school to get your Masters AND spending three days a week at your boyfriend's house. Dad is working full time and home seven nights, right? You may have been primary caregiver but most likely dad has stepped into that role when you are off playing kissy face with your boyfriend.

My husband seems to think that since he makes more money and was faithful that he deserves full custody.

Maybe he does. Though the court will decide on the best interest of the children.

He has threatened to take the kids out of state, take away my car and many other threats if I bring them near my boyfriend.

Dad can just ask for a no paramour order which would prohibit you from taking the children anywhere near boyfriend and if you did you could be found in contempt.

I have kept my boyfriend and my children separate from each other even though the children know him and like him. They only know him as a friend of mine.

These statements contradict each other. YOU have NOT kept them separate if the children know him as a friend of yours and like him.

I dont know what my rights are here as a mother and if my custody is threatened because of my affair. I am terrified he would win custody based on his income and my affair. I need some advice!

He could win based on your affair. You are putting your boyfriend in front of your children. You have chosen to move in with your boyfriend three nights a week. You have chosen to be with your boyfriend instead of your children. How is that in your children's best interest? Income not so much will matter in custody. However expect to pay child support.

 

[mama2two]

Yes, I understand that we both have a right to be in the house. I am not trying to force him out but both of us in the same house can be quite tense at times and our older son can easily pick up on the tension (although we do not fight in front of them).

My husband is filling out the papers right now. I cannot afford an expensive attorney and he cannot either.

 

[Isis1]

Yes, I understand that we both have a right to be in the house. I am not trying to force him out but both of us in the same house can be quite tense at times and our older son can easily pick up on the tension (although we do not fight in front of them).

My husband is filling out the papers right now. I cannot afford an expensive attorney and he cannot either.

you could stop seeing the boyfriend and ease that tension a bit until after the divorce is done.

and check your local library, the law library and the self help center at your local court. lots of info for non attorney litigants.

 

[felangirls]

I'm sorry for what you are going through - I'm not an attorney, but I do know we live in a "no fault" state. Neither parent can take a child out of the state without consent, and until you have a court order, his words are just a threat. My advice is to keep boyfriend separate until your divorce is finalized and continue concentrating on your children - be the best mom you know who to be and stay focused on them. Lean on your family and friends for support....you are for a rough ride for a few years. Good luck.

 

[mama2two]

Of course my children come first. I am a working mother because I have to be, not because I want to be away from my kids. I am the primary caregiver, always have been. I am with my children everyday and our routines have not changed. Mom wakes up with kids, mom drops kids off, mom goes to work, mom picks kids up, mom does homework and feeds and bathes and tucks them into bed. Weekends are the same, I take them to park, swimming and all the other activities. Even on the nights I am gone, I am home before they wake up waiting for them so we can start our day. The hours I am not home in the house are on those 3 nights (8p.m to 6 a.m.).

My sons know this man because he was a friend of mine for a very long time. He was at our house many times in the past and my kids met him that way. I have not brought them around him since we have been romantically involved.

I should also mention that my husband has a history of anger management issues, although he is addressing them through an Anger Mangagement class.

 

[Isis1]

I'm sorry for what you are going through - I'm not an attorney, but I do know we live in a "no fault" state. Neither parent can take a child out of the state without consent, and until you have a court order, his words are just a threat. My advice is to keep boyfriend separate until your divorce is finalized and continue concentrating on your children - be the best mom you know who to be and stay focused on them. Lean on your family and friends for support....you are for a rough ride for a few years. Good luck.

uh, that's not entirely true. at this point both parents have joint custody as they are married. until a court order says they cannot do so.

i still think a paramour order might be doable at least until the divorce is final.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I am the mother of two young boys ages 7 and 3. My husband and I are in the process of filing for a divorce, we have been separated informally for a year and he is asking for full custody of our boys on the grounds that I had an extramaritial affair. Currently we are living in the same home 4 nights a week. I stay at my boyfriends place the other three nights(not consecutively) when it is his turn to be with the boys and he will not move out of the house because he feels that he has a right to stay since he is the primary bread winner. I am the primary caregiver of the boys. I spend the most time with them and take care of their needs such as homework, bathing, feeding, picking up from school etc..when I am not working full time as a teacher and going to school to get my Masters degree.
My husband seems to think that since he makes more money and was faithful that he deserves full custody. He has threatened to take the kids out of state, take away my car and many other threats if I bring them near my boyfriend. I have kept my boyfriend and my children separate from each other even though the children know him and like him. They only know him as a friend of mine.
I dont know what my rights are here as a mother and if my custody is threatened because of my affair. I am terrified he would win custody based on his income and my affair. I need some advice!
Thank you.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Well, I have to admit that you are making a mistake having even introduced the children to your boyfriend. They should not be around him at all. Its also not very wise that you are spending nights at his house either.

However, that is still not something that is grounds for your husband to have full custody. Its simply grounds to make your divorce a heck of a lot more complicated and hostile.

The best advice I can give you is to STAY HOME WITH YOUR CHILDREN (when you are not working or in school) until your divorce is final, and/or you have your own place to live with the children, and then only have your boyfriend around when the children are with their father.

The fact that dad makes more money than you do is completely irrelevant for custody.

 

[mama2two]

The children knew him before he was my boyfriend. I have not had them around him since we have been a couple.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm sorry for what you are going through - I'm not an attorney, but I do know we live in a "no fault" state.

However adultery can still come into play for custody issues.

Neither parent can take a child out of the state without consent,

WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.

and until you have a court order, his words are just a threat.

Based on what? Your lack of legal knowledge is showing.

My advice is to keep boyfriend separate until your divorce is finalized and continue concentrating on your children - be the best mom you know who to be and stay focused on them. Lean on your family and friends for support....you are for a rough ride for a few years. Good luck.

She hasn't kept her boyfriend separate however. She has put him AHEAD of her children.

 

[Ohiogal]

Of course my children come first. I am a working mother because I have to be, not because I want to be away from my kids. I am the primary caregiver, always have been. I am with my children everyday and our routines have not changed. Mom wakes up with kids, mom drops kids off, mom goes to work, mom picks kids up, mom does homework and feeds and bathes and tucks them into bed. Weekends are the same, I take them to park, swimming and all the other activities. Even on the nights I am gone, I am home before they wake up waiting for them so we can start our day. The hours I am not home in the house are on those 3 nights (8p.m to 6 a.m.).

My sons know this man because he was a friend of mine for a very long time. He was at our house many times in the past and my kids met him that way. I have not brought them around him since we have been romantically involved.

I should also mention that my husband has a history of anger management issues, although he is addressing them through an Anger Mangagement class.

You are missing the point and can easily lose custody if dad gets a lawyer -- without a lawyer he may be able to win> So what convictions does dad have that prove his anger problems?

 

[mama2two]

We have had sheriffs department come to our house and then of course social services due to dads yelling and blocking me from entering OUR home.

My kids are not around him ever. They know him because he was a friend of mine from long ago. They do not know him as my boyfriend.

 

[Silverplum]

We have had sheriffs department come to our house and then of course social services due to dads yelling and blocking me from entering OUR home.

Yet Dad is in anger management counseling. So that's a wash, IMO.

My kids are not around him ever. They know him because he was a friend of mine from long ago. They do not know him as my boyfriend.

Then how do you know they still like him?

You're playing word games. You can't win those here, nor in court.