therapy

[skywalker35]

What is the name of your state? Pa

i haven't seen my daughter in 2mths. She and mom are saying she doesnt want to and she is scared. It is all fabricated accusations and mom is not doing anything to ensure my custody. We have joint legal custody and we just had mediation on Thurs. and the master adviced her attorney to encourgage her to make the exchange. I still haven' t seen her. We went to our first counseling session that mother at first wanted nothing to do with since "there is nothing wrong with her relationship w/ daughter". Now mom wants to--not participate but "sit in" on the sessions.

Well our first session was today and mother came in w/ my daughter and her new baby. The session was awful, the therapist was a oohing and aahing (sp) over the baby and no one seemed to be concerned with the fact I haven't seen daughter in 2 months. My daughter and her mom were giggling throughout the session in between passing the diaper bag back and forth. I want a new therapist, this lady said "oh this case is easy it should be resolve in one or two sessions??? I really don't think this lady is competent.

OK-- now to my question, I had an awful time getting mom to agree to counseling and sign permission forms, how should I approach this legally without looking like I just didn't like what the woman said., I really don't think she was the best match for our situation. Also, can i request that our counseling sessions be just us? It is impossible to try and mend the siutation w/ her mother in the room. The counseling is not yet court ordered but along with contempt charges I am asking for counseling. Any thoughts are welcome. Thanks

 

[majomom1]

I agree with Willey... it is a little too soon to make judgements on the counselor, she has to get to know all of you and the first session is usually a getting acquainted session any way.

It does sound like your daughter was 'ok' and felt comfortable enought to giggle... that is a good sign that she is not so scared of you. I would contact the counselor and express your concerns. It is not unreasonable for you to want these sessions to be productive and asking mom to not bring the new baby is a reasonable request.

I would say give it at least one more session, rather than start over.

 

[skywalker35]

I agree with Willey... it is a little too soon to make judgements on the counselor, she has to get to know all of you and the first session is usually a getting acquainted session any way.

It does sound like your daughter was 'ok' and felt comfortable enought to giggle... that is a good sign that she is not so scared of you. I would contact the counselor and express your concerns. It is not unreasonable for you to want these sessions to be productive and asking mom to not bring the new baby is a reasonable request.

I would say give it at least one more session, rather than start over.

She wasn't giggling with me. Her mom and her were laughing at me like 2 little school girls. The counselour was oblivious to the whole thing. Should I confront mom first about my requests or my attorney. I am just not sure why she said only one more session should clear up the issues. We do have another session scheduled. Mom won't let daughter go w/o her she claims our daughter will not go without her there.

 

[Bloopy]

She wasn't giggling with me. Her mom and her were laughing at me like 2 little school girls.

That she was giggling at all is a good sign. She wouldn’t be that jovial if she thought an axe-murder-rapist was in the room.

It sounds paranoid that you think she was laughing AT you. Give her time to warm-up and interact with you.

How old is she?

 

[LdiJ]

She wasn't giggling with me. Her mom and her were laughing at me like 2 little school girls. The counselour was oblivious to the whole thing. Should I confront mom first about my requests or my attorney. I am just not sure why she said only one more session should clear up the issues. We do have another session scheduled. Mom won't let daughter go w/o her she claims our daughter will not go without her there.

Give the counseling more time. Believe me the counselor was not oblivious to anything....just give it time.

 

[majomom1]

She wasn't giggling with me. Her mom and her were laughing at me like 2 little school girls. The counselour was oblivious to the whole thing.

It is really too soon for her to know the story, or be oblivious. I agree with Bloopy, the fact that she was giggling at all is a good sign. Relax Dad, one step at a time. I do know your desire for NOW, I have a similar issue. You just have to be patient.

Should I confront mom first about my requests or my attorney.

DO NOT confront mom. Work through the counselor.

I am just not sure why she said only one more session should clear up the issues.

I think it was too soon for her to make that declaration, but you can address that in the next session. She can add sessions after she gets a good handle on the issues.
We do have another session scheduled. Mom won't let daughter go w/o her she claims our daughter will not go without her there

If I were you, I would express your concerns to the counselor. SHE is in a better position to ask mom to step out for a bit, or even you, if she feels it is necessary. Trust me, they do see more than you think they see.

If I remember correctly... isn't your daughter 13?

 

[escape2paradise]

Listen to what the others are saying here. It may appear that the counselor didn't notice. It is her job to notice and look like she is not. She is taking it all in and making observations about everyones behavior. The fact that she thought it would be easy is a good sign. I would take that to mean she doesn't see a real problem with you and your daughter. That is good. That is what you want. I would, however, be skeptical that it is only going to take a few sessions. The counselor, if she is aware of moms reluctance, may just be trying to make the whole situation a little less intimidating for mom. She may realize it will take more than a couple of sessions but may also realize that saying so could scare mom away.

I have been through the family counseling stuff. The first session is all about making everybody feel comfortable with the counselor. The harder stuff comes, but you don't dive right in. If you are anything like me who wants to get to the meat now, this is hard. Be patient it will come.

 

[skywalker35]

That she was giggling at all is a good sign. She wouldn’t be that jovial if she thought an axe-murder-rapist was in the room.

It sounds paranoid that you think she was laughing AT you. Give her time to warm-up and interact with you.

How old is she?

She is 13. You are right about, I need to give it more time. As for being paranoid, trust me I would say something, and they were laughing like it was the funniest thing they ever heard.

 

[skywalker35]

If you are anything like me who wants to get to the meat now, this is hard. Be patient it will come.

I think maybe this is it. I want all the issues out on the table and I want to talk about them. It has been too long since I have seen her. She wouldn't even make eye contact with me. All the focus seemed to be on the babbling baby and the rattle her mom kept shaking every time I talked.

 

[skywalker35]

Thanks for all your advice. I am still very skeptical about the therapist, she really seems out there to me. I am going to go to the other sessions and get a therapist of my own to help with my coping skills. I just keep believing in karma. I am doing everything I need to do and she is doing everything to keep my daughter out of my life. One day this needs to come full circle.

 

[Just Blue]

Wasn't your ex posting here?