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  1. #1
    About a Boy is offline Junior Member
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    Are there benefits to the child? What does terminating rights REALLY do?

    What is the name of your state?

    What is the name of your state? NC

    So, the story: I have a son with an ex girlfriend. After thinking things over, I am deciding not to fight her moving to another state with our son b/c 1) I don't have the money to hire a lawyer to do it and 2)I realize that if I WERE to fight it and win and keep her in state she would be miserable, take it out on me and we would continue the fighting we been doing and that is NOT in our son's best interest. Also, she says she's going to marry a guy (who seems like a great guy) who will be (or is already- I don't know) making X amount of money- and it is a lot- and I know, at this point in my life, I can not hope to provide that kind of money and the better situation it will provide for my son.

    Right now I still have rights to my son and am working on paying back owed child support ( I didn't have a job for a few months) and have started paying regular payments to his mother again.

    She is moving so far away that regular trips, even if required by court, would be terrible b/c my son would spend as much time travelling as seeing me (she has offered to pay for webcams for my computer and the one being set up for him, so I will always be able to talk to him and see him).

    My question is what does terminating rights really do?

    She says that terminating rights will be a benefit to him b/c when she marries her fiance, he will be able to adopt him and in the event of some accident that injures her and our son, and if she were unconscious, the fiance (hypothetically her husband at this point) would then be able to give the go ahead for any procedure needed to do more than keep our son alive (in the even that something terrible like that were to happen). She says otherwise the doctors would do no more than keep him alive while they tried to find a way to contact me.

    So what IS the deal? And if I terminate rights does that mean A: she's not legally required to do anything like let me see him or talk to him, and B: she claims I would not have to pay any support. I've read enough on here to make me think that is not true and she's just trying to take advantage of my tight money situation right now to completely block him out of my life and me from his.

    Are there any gurantees of being able to see my son if I terminate rights? Is this "accident situation" a real scenario? Does terminating rights terminate obligated support? Money's tight right now, but I'm going to school to get a better job, so I expect that to change within the year so that the support amount is really not a big deal. Is there some kind of agreement where I could require her to facilitate the contact with my son that she claims she will in exchange for terminating my rights IF it really is in his best interest?

    Thanks for any help, answers, constructive ideas.

    All you who roam the boards looking to rip into people- just keep roaming. I'm not in the mood for your juvenile, immature, knee-jerk reactions to what you THINK you know about this situation.
  2. #2
    mrsgaines654 is offline Member
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    If you want any rights to your son at all, do not terminate your rights. It is exactly what it states, you would have no more rights to the child. You seem like you really want what is best for the child, so do not fall for "it is in his best interest to let another man adopt him" You are the childs father, and the child deserves that more than anything!!!

    I am not even sure that you can just sign away your rights without justifible cause. The others here will let you know if that is even an option, but if it is, do not do it!!!

    You are entitled to certain rights as the father, but if you were to terminate those rights, there is no going back later and saing that you didn't understand. It will be too late at that point.
  3. #3
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by About a Boy View Post
    Are there any gurantees of being able to see my son if I terminate rights?
    No. He'll no longer be your son.

    Is this "accident situation" a real scenario?
    I suppose it's possible. But so is being probed by aliens.

    Does terminating rights terminate obligated support?
    It will terminate future support, because the child will no longer be 'yours'. It will not always terminate arrears.

    Is there some kind of agreement where I could require her to facilitate the contact with my son that she claims she will in exchange for terminating my rights IF it really is in his best interest?
    No. When you terminate rights, you're saying that you understand that you are making yourself a stranger to this child with no more rights than the cashier at WalMart.
  4. #4
    About a Boy is offline Junior Member
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    Quick responses thanks

    Thanks for the quick responses. Definitely sounds like she's trying to fool me...

    Is there anyway I could somehow give her future husband some legal okay to make any immediate decisions while contact is trying to be made with me for that accident scenario?

    Not to be mean, but if she's at the wheel, let's just say that I would not bet against this scenario being as impossible as the alien probing (made me laugh, btw, thanks). Her driving is not so good.
  5. #5
    moburkes is offline Senior Member
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    MANY, MANY kids grow up with parents who live on opposite sides of the country. Heck, some even live in 2 different countries.
    My new signature:
    Originally Posted by arazi
    I'll take you on one-to-one in a volcabulary test anywhere, anyplace, anytime.
  6. #6
    mrsgaines654 is offline Member
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    I don't know, but I wouldn't advise anyone to terminate their rights just "in case" there was an accident, so the step-parent could make decisions.

    Ok, IMO, (btw, I am not a lawyer, so take my advice with a grain of salt) have your ex carry a card with all your contact information in her purse. Make sure that you can be contacted at the numbers you provide. That way if something happens to her and your son is with her, they can contact you.

    If you ex really wants what is best for the child she should agree to this. However, if she is, as I suspect, trying to fool you, she wont like this idea.

    Whatever you do, DO NOT sign your rights away!!!
  7. #7
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by About a Boy View Post
    Is there anyway I could somehow give her future husband some legal okay to make any immediate decisions while contact is trying to be made with me for that accident scenario?

    Sure, you could sign a power of attorney.

    But you probably don't want to. What if that 'immediate decision' is to remove life support. Or to put your son on life support even though he's brain dead? What if it's for a blood transfusion and you're opposed to them? What if it's amputation of a limb w/out a second opinion? What if it's committing your son to a mental health facility?

    Her scenario is BS.
  8. #8
    ceara19 is offline Senior Member
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    In the case of an emergency, parental permission is NOT needed for treatment.
  9. #9
    About a Boy is offline Junior Member
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    I'm an idiot

    Thanks again. You guys (and gals) are great. The contact info card is a great idea, so easy I guess I'm just too stupid to have thought it up in the first place. Also, thanks for expanding my view of the potential scenarios: life support, mental health, etc. Definitely never thought of THAT.
  10. #10
    moburkes is offline Senior Member
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    We didn't get the impression that YOU wanted to give up your parental rights. Now, tell that ex of yours off!
    My new signature:
    Originally Posted by arazi
    I'll take you on one-to-one in a volcabulary test anywhere, anyplace, anytime.
  11. #11
    cutterpose is offline Junior Member
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    Don't sign away rights and keep in contact as much as possible

    [QUOTE=About a Boy

    Your son is going to be old enough sooner or later to ask about his Dad. Keep in touch with him as much as possible...telephone, internet, visits when you can, pay your child support and make sure he knows you love him and will always be there for him. How is he going to feel if he hears that his father voluntarily gave up parental rights? Who will he turn to if his Mom and step-father aren't responsible adults and fit parents? I think it's a lot easier for a child to deal with the fact that his parents didn't get along than the out-right rejection he'd feel upon learning that his biological dad signed away his rights. How would YOU feel? If you're still in the picture, have a relationship with him, and maintain your rights, you can step in to rescue him if his mother and step-father get whacky, or fall off a cliff, or decide they can't handle him and try to dump him in some reformatory 'school'. Hopefully nothing bad will happen....if he forms a good relationship with his step-dad then he has TWO caring males in his life! It sounds like you care a great deal about your boy, but our society doesn't support father's rights. Be a rebel and let everybody know the boy's well being and your relationship with him are the most important things in your life. Good Luck!

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