Is there a way or a chance I can get supervised visits?

[lukey0024]

Texas
Harris County


My sons father has recently told me how he had incest/phedophillia type of fantasies. Mainly that he would have a daughter as young as 5 that would be trained to serve him. In his fantasy he and I were together and our son would service me and we would have sex as a family.
Of course I found this to be disgusting but didn't really know how to process it. I didn't know if he was just trying to mess with me or what. I also figured since he seemed to be more into the thought of doing things to his daughter or a girl our son was safe... idk.. I know I UNDER reacted at first, and definitely tried to rationalize my sons safety at first.

The Father is a self admitted sex addict, and has made it clear that he intends to only use/sleep with various women that are on his 'level' sexually.
The court order says that our son (now 17 months old) is only to see his Dad from 8-8 on Saturdays. Since our son has adjusted to seeing him well since the visits started 5 months ago, I started letting his Dad take him over nights Saturday-Sunday. I've made it clear that due to his Dads unhealthy sexual life style, lack of a desire for a normal relationship and more importantly his secret fantasy to involve kids in sex he is not to bring any females around our son during his visits. Really, i would think most good parents wouldn't combine family time with dating or booty calls, however he is a man who needs to be told.
Despite my reasonable requests I discovered that he did infact have one of his sex partners with my son and himself this past weekend. I am upset by this not because I am jealous, he is a sick man and I have no desire to be with him, but more out of fear of what he might do in front of our child or what could happen if he finds a woman as sick as him... I don't even want to type what that might be.

I'm legally obligated to let him take our son no matter what on Saturdays and that is all he will get since I have made it clear the over night visitation I was allowing will no longer continue. Still when our son turns 3 I have no way to protect him and even now all I can think is he still has 12 hours a week to expose our child to sexually explicit behaviors. I do want my son to have a Father, but at the same time this isn't the man I thought I knew and it also isn't so good to have him around if he's going to bring his sex addiction into the picture during his time with our son either. It's not healthy, it's disrespectful to our son and it's not setting a good example for how a man should behave either... maybe that's just my opinion.

I am torn. I have no evidence of our conversation. As far as I know he hasn't hurt anyone or our son, but may have potentially exposed him to sexual behaviors and if he hasn't yet who is to say he won't in the future??

I'm not sure what recourse I have in this situation or if I'm just over reacting?

I just don't want my son to end up with the same issues his Father has and I certainly don't want him to suffer any kind of sexual abuse or exposure either..


Any help is greatly appreciated.

 

[Isis1]

first, you need to speak to a therapist.


second, you need proof dad is DOING something and a several year old conversation will not be proof of anything.

 

[lukey0024]

first, you need to speak to a therapist.


second, you need proof dad is DOING something and a several year old conversation will not be proof of anything.

My sons father has recently told me how he had incest/phedophillia type of fantasies.


Ummm... a several year old conversation?

I'm not sure if you are qualified to give mental health advice, but if me needing a week to process the bomb shell dropped on me makes you say I need a therapist, rather than him..umm ok??

 

[Silverplum]

first, you need to speak to a therapist.


second, you need proof dad is DOING something and a several year old conversation will not be proof of anything.

And thirdly, stick to your own thread.

Do you really think the advisors here enjoy being insulted by you in one thread and then bend over to help you in your own thread?

Think again.

 

[Silverplum]

My sons father has recently told me how he had incest/phedophillia type of fantasies.


Ummm... a several year old conversation?

I'm not sure if you are qualified to give mental health advice, but if me needing a week to process the bomb shell dropped on me makes you say I need a therapist, rather than him..umm ok??

Or you could just save yourself (electronic) steps and just irritate the advisors in your own thread.

 

[Silverplum]

Another:

Oh I came here a while back ago and got slammed right off the bat, and seemed like everytime I tried to defend myself or explain things in fuller detail they just went crazy on me with insults and accusations. This site SOMETIMES has a good person around.. usually not so much lol.
It's kind of like playing in a shark pool when someone comes here.

They should add in their precious newbie sticky a warning not to post here unless you enjoy being insulted, wrongfully accused of the most idiotic ploys & intentions and overall being made to look like an incompetant retard. Sometimes I come and just pm people with the answers they are looking for,... you know without a hassel!!!!

Idk why 90% of the lawyers here are so rude. All I can say for sure is the worst ones obviously don't get much work since they can't possibly be in the court room if they are here all day and night ripping innocent people looking for legal advice apart!...

 

[TheGeekess]

Texas
Harris County


My sons father has recently told me how he had incest/phedophillia type of fantasies. Mainly that he would have a daughter as young as 5 that would be trained to serve him. In his fantasy he and I were together and our son would service me and we would have sex as a family.
Of course I found this to be disgusting but didn't really know how to process it. I didn't know if he was just trying to mess with me or what. I also figured since he seemed to be more into the thought of doing things to his daughter or a girl our son was safe... idk.. I know I UNDER reacted at first, and definitely tried to rationalize my sons safety at first.

The Father is a self admitted sex addict, and has made it clear that he intends to only use/sleep with various women that are on his 'level' sexually.
The court order says that our son (now 17 months old) is only to see his Dad from 8-8 on Saturdays. Since our son has adjusted to seeing him well since the visits started 5 months ago, I started letting his Dad take him over nights Saturday-Sunday. I've made it clear that due to his Dads unhealthy sexual life style, lack of a desire for a normal relationship and more importantly his secret fantasy to involve kids in sex he is not to bring any females around our son during his visits. Really, i would think most good parents wouldn't combine family time with dating or booty calls, however he is a man who needs to be told.
Despite my reasonable requests I discovered that he did infact have one of his sex partners with my son and himself this past weekend. I am upset by this not because I am jealous, he is a sick man and I have no desire to be with him, but more out of fear of what he might do in front of our child or what could happen if he finds a woman as sick as him... I don't even want to type what that might be.

I'm legally obligated to let him take our son no matter what on Saturdays and that is all he will get since I have made it clear the over night visitation I was allowing will no longer continue. Still when our son turns 3 I have no way to protect him and even now all I can think is he still has 12 hours a week to expose our child to sexually explicit behaviors. I do want my son to have a Father, but at the same time this isn't the man I thought I knew and it also isn't so good to have him around if he's going to bring his sex addiction into the picture during his time with our son either. It's not healthy, it's disrespectful to our son and it's not setting a good example for how a man should behave either... maybe that's just my opinion.

I am torn. I have no evidence of our conversation. As far as I know he hasn't hurt anyone or our son, but may have potentially exposed him to sexual behaviors and if he hasn't yet who is to say he won't in the future??

I'm not sure what recourse I have in this situation or if I'm just over reacting?

I just don't want my son to end up with the same issues his Father has and I certainly don't want him to suffer any kind of sexual abuse or exposure either..


Any help is greatly appreciated.

Pay an attorney for your legal advice.

 

[Isis1]

My sons father has recently told me how he had incest/phedophillia type of fantasies.


Ummm... a several year old conversation?

I'm not sure if you are qualified to give mental health advice, but if me needing a week to process the bomb shell dropped on me makes you say I need a therapist, rather than him..umm ok??

let's try this again...GO SPEAK TO A MANDATED REPORTER. aka THERAPIST.

 

[lukey0024]

let's try this again...GO SPEAK TO A MANDATED REPORTER. aka THERAPIST.

That makes much more sense... thanks Isis.
Sorry for being offended in that case. As you can see from the copying and pasting a couple others have done... I haven't had very good experiences here with getting UNinsultive answers.
When you put it like that though, yes.. that is a good idea. Thanks

Since you seem to be one of the good ones on here... Still wondering, even if I do share this with a court mandated reporter, is that enough to get supervised visits for my son?
Part of me wants to say TPR, but he can really be a good dad. This is a very hard situation to deal with. I want my son to have his dad, but I don't want him to be alone with him and be at risk for something horrible. His dad can act normal and is really good with him, BUT.. and its a big BUT he has some serious psychological issues that can put our child in harm and I can't have that.

 

[Isis1]

That makes much more sense... thanks Isis.
Sorry for being offended in that case. As you can see from the copying and pasting a couple others have done... I haven't had very good experiences here with getting UNinsultive answers.
When you put it like that though, yes.. that is a good idea. Thanks

Since you seem to be one of the good ones on here... Still wondering, even if I do share this with a court mandated reporter, is that enough to get supervised visits for my son?
Part of me wants to say TPR, but he can really be a good dad. This is a very hard situation to deal with. I want my son to have his dad, but I don't want him to be alone with him and be at risk for something horrible. His dad can act normal and is really good with him, BUT.. and its a big BUT he has some serious psychological issues that can put our child in harm and I can't have that.

not from the therapist. but it will be a paper trail or a head up to an official.

let me explain something to you...fantasies are just that. fantasies. nothing more. you cannot reduce visitation or implement supervision based on risk. same as if dad was into hard core porn. it won't change anything. i could be a porn star and STILL have full custody of my children. from dad's perspective, he may think you are a prude and may abuse the child by denying him a freestyle way of growing up. so on that risk, should you lose custody?

 

[lukey0024]

not from the therapist. but it will be a paper trail or a head up to an official.

let me explain something to you...fantasies are just that. fantasies. nothing more. you cannot reduce visitation or implement supervision based on risk. same as if dad was into hard core porn. it won't change anything. i could be a porn star and STILL have full custody of my children. from dad's perspective, he may think you are a prude and may abuse the child by denying him a freestyle way of growing up. so on that risk, should you lose custody?

Well that will be a start. He also mentioned his computer getting a virus because he was looking at kiddie porn..or trying to. I suppose I could also report this behavior and officials will look into him further?

I totally understand a fantasy is a fantasy, but he said he's had this fantasy for many years, from the sounds of it, he's become quite obsessed with the idea of it and even mentioned one of the girls he's talking to has a young daughter and the tone in his voice didn't leave me feeling very happy at all. I'm not just worried about my son, but also other kids he might come in contact with.. It sucks to be in a position where I feel like I have to rat out my own child's father over something this insane.

I've been doing about 3 days worth of research now on pedophilia and its scary how many of these men seem 'normal' and how it always starts out with 'just a fantasy' but the longer they dwell on it it consumes them and eventually a situation presents itself and they act on it. Apparently the majority of pedophiles/child sex abusers are church goers (like my ex), have a stable job (check), have strong communities ties (check), are well liked by everyone (check- even his pastor is one of his bff's) and are highly trusted (check) Much like a serial killer- they are the last ones you'd expect to do it.

In this case I am not only worried about pedophillia but also incest or him trying to play the kiddie porn director. It's sickening to have to live with this fear and knowledge.

 

[lukey0024]

She doesn't want to hear that Isis. She wants to hear how she is completely 100% the best mommy in the whole wide world and she can dictate what dad does.

??? What in the world??

 

[lukey0024]

No. PROVE that he is a danger. As for not involving a child in dating, don't ever bring a person you are dating around your son. EVER. You don't want to be construed as a hypocrite.
\

As for his psychological issues, YOU are not qualified to diagnose him. So don't.
Apparently you didn't know this man as well as you thought before you allowed him to impregnate you. Maybe you should have learned a bit more about him before proclaiming him fit to parent.

That's so sad, that children are still allowed to be around possible predators and there's no form of prevention. So basically, what I'm taking from this is the courts won't do anything until the children are actually abused and ignore any signs of potential danger. That's disappointing.

I don't ever bring men around my children UNLESS it is a serious relationship. When I was with him we were dating nearly 6 months and my oldest son never even knew about him, much less met him until we were talking about marriage. Personally, I'm non-judgmental when it comes to sex and dating. However, when it involves children, animals or abuse that I'm not cool with. I certainly would never entertain bringing random boyfriends around my children either. Heck, he's the last man I was with and before him I didn't date anyone for 3 years prior. I don't understand people who do bring around everyone they start dating, especially right off the bat, but that's a whole different bag of fritos.

I am well aware I have no ability to diagnose anyone. I just know he is a sex addict because he is, he's seen therapists before in a show to get help, but not now. I also know the definition of a pedophile is someone who has had an attraction or sexual desire towards young children for 6 months or longer and he admitted to having those feelings for much longer than that so by definition, yes he is a pedophile. Hopefully a non practicing one.


Apparently, you don't know much about pedophiles or sex addicts much less serial killers for that matter. They are ...well I already posted about it earlier so feel free to read it or do some research on the matter. Might help you not look like your judging people for the wrong things. Just saying..

 

[Just Blue]

Apparently, you don't know much about pedophiles or sex addicts much less serial killers for that matter. They are ...well I already posted about it earlier so feel free to read it or do some research on the matter. Might help you not look like your judging people for the wrong things. Just saying..

WAFW.

OhioGAL helps children EVERYDAY who have been raped, beaten and abandoned. She is one of the most passionate protectors of children. Shame on you.

 

[lukey0024]

WAFW.

OhioGAL helps children EVERYDAY who have been raped, beaten and abandoned. She is one of the most passionate protectors of children. Shame on you.

1-And how do you expect me or anyone else to know all that?? All her profile says is that she is an attorney/GAL and her tagline says NOTHING about protecting the abused children... and her statements geared completely towards custody disputes.

2-She's the one trying to shame me for not knowing his dark secrets before he 'impregnated' me, so if she really does work with those sorts of cases EVERYDAY why in the world would she try to blame me for not knowing that he has a secret desire to screw little kids or have an incest family?? Clearly if she had all of that experience you claim she has, one would think she'd already be aware of the fact that people like that are very very very hard to detect because of the fact that they come across as normal and the perfect citizen and are typically only exposed for what they truly are when someone catches them red handed or a child is brave enough to tell the truth!

3- Apparently according to the system from what I've been learning, its hard to even protect yourself or your family from a suspected abuser until they get caught red handed so again... why is she giving me a hard time and trying to say I'm a bad parent for not knowing about his problems?? Hell even that i do know about his issues now, I CAN'T protect my son from so much as a chance of being harmed, much less any other child because he hasn't had a chance to be caught doing something.