Truce

[Proserpina]

Either way, she clearly has/had standing and Mom can't just change her mind willy nilly after the fact.

 

[Ohiogal]

Either way, she clearly has/had standing and Mom can't just change her mind willy nilly after the fact.

Actually it depends on the wording of the custody paperwork. It may be possible to do so. I know it is possible in Ohio under certain circumstances when it is an agreement.

 

[Proserpina]

Actually it depends on the wording of the custody paperwork. It may be possible to do so. I know it is possible in Ohio under certain circumstances when it is an agreement.

If Mom is able to do what you suggest = not willy nilly. My statement stands.

And you of all people would be the first to say, "what happens in your state is irrelevant".

 

[LdiJ]

I was the one who told this OP that she was setting herself up for heartbreak, and I had multiple reasons for doing so.

First, she is the child's custodian not the child's mother, and she is teaching the child to call her mommy and her husband daddy. Second, the actual father of the child was not a party to the custody proceedings therefore he would have the ability to challenge their custody. Third, when this child gets older and realizes that they are not mommy and daddy, not even on an adoptive basis, this could lead to real problems...particularly when she gets to be an adolescent/teen.

Finally, since mom voluntarily gave them custody that makes the situation a little different than if the judge had ordered it over mom's objections.

While this could end up fine in the long term, there is plenty of room for this to end up being heartbreaking for the OP and her husband as well.

 

[I'mTheFather]

Let's not forget that OP came here for a reason in the first place. This time she came back to clarify her standing with regard to the court order. I can't remember what the first time was about, but there was more of a reason.

She went into much detail about the mother's lack of a job and lack of mothering skills when she lived with OP. I can't remember if/when she moved out, or how old she is. I do remember that the mother seemed to be making strides toward independence through working. I also can't remember how the father figured into the equation.

There were changes in circumstance with regard to the mother, though I understand those may not affect a custody modification.

 

[Ohiogal]

If Mom is able to do what you suggest = not willy nilly. My statement stands.

And you of all people would be the first to say, "what happens in your state is irrelevant".

I understand what happens in my state is irrelevant BUT I mention it only because I have not searched the caselaw in PA to determine if it is possible. OP should probably review with an attorney the custody paperwork to see if there is a way mom can have it reversed. Because the first time around it doesn't sound like she had counsel.

 

[Silverplum]

Let's not forget that OP came here for a reason in the first place. This time she came back to clarify her standing with regard to the court order. I can't remember what the first time was about, but there was more of a reason.

She went into much detail about the mother's lack of a job and lack of mothering skills when she lived with OP. I can't remember if/when she moved out, or how old she is. I do remember that the mother seemed to be making strides toward independence through working. I also can't remember how the father figured into the equation.

There were changes in circumstance with regard to the mother, though I understand those may not affect a custody modification.

Good thing you remembered her, the little thread deleter. *ETA: Whoops, I see upon re-reading that LdiJ ALSO remembered the little thread deleter. My apologies, Ld.

The biological father is not involved, likely not notified. OP's son was the Mother's current bf, and OP REALLY took to looking after the child.

Come to think of it, she's probably the one who posted the "Trissa" thread. Poor illiterate Trissa.

No truce.

 

[stealth2]

I remember wondering if PPD was involved, as well as whether Mom felt coerced. I don't think OP is as much in the clear as she seems to think she is...

 

[Stumpedinpa]

she is teaching the child to call her mommy and her husband daddy.

Baby does not call us mommy and daddy.

Finally, since mom voluntarily gave them custody that makes the situation a little different than if the judge had ordered it over mom's objections.

I wish it had gone in front of a judge.

OP REALLY took to looking after the child.

We had to as mom had bowed out.

"Trissa" thread. Poor illiterate Trissa.

Don't know Trissa.

No truce.

Irregardless whether you are serious or not this made me lol.

I remember wondering if PPD was involved, as well as whether Mom felt coerced. I don't think OP is as much in the clear as she seems to think she is...

Not in a million years.

Honestly I am not a bad guy. I am trying to protect an innocent child. If I get bashed as to how it came about or what have you so be it.

 

[stealth2]

Not in a million years.

How would you know if Mom felt coerced?

But - did PPD ever occur to you?

 

[I'mTheFather]

So, what was your reason for posting the first time?

 

[Stumpedinpa]

How would you know if Mom felt coerced?

I can only put it this way, we followed and have been following mom. We rarely if ever lead any part of the relations between the mom and us. And if the mom was hinting as to what it was she wanted and kept hinting until we finally asked I don't believe that can be misconstrued as coercion.

But - did PPD ever occur to you?

No. I had PPD when I had my son. This was definitely not the case.

 

[Stumpedinpa]

So, what was your reason for posting the first time?

I think it had something to do with the conciliation conference but that was weeks ago, I'm not 100% certain.

 

[I'mTheFather]

Too bad you deleted that thread.

I don't think you have as sure a thing as you want to believe. I also think, if you have the child's best interests at heart, you will want the mother to regain custody of her child at some point.

 

[Stumpedinpa]

you have the child's best interests at heart,

Why would I give up my life to care for someone elses child if I did not have the childs best interest at heart?

you will want the mother to regain custody of her child at some point

When and if she gets it together that is on the table.