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underage daughter with a baby

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nextwife

Senior Member
Bubbly, I was going to post something similar.

Granny, your daughter needs to get it through her head that FEW parents in todays economy can afford the luxury of being a SAHM. It's lovely if one can. However, those who can do this have generally saved, planned, and waited to start their families until they and their spouse are financially capable of giving up one income or education. Your daughter is not in that situation. (I wasn't either- adopting internationally takes a few bucks and strains the savings). She is a single HS KID who still needs a lot more school to be able to provide for this child, and herself over the long run. If biodad dropped dead in three years, or became permanantly disabled, how would she care for this child? She can't always plan on you being able to do this.

You need to stop giving her an excuse to fail, to quit or stay out of school. You need to lay it on the line with her. That she is still a kid and she needs to develop job skills and education that will take her through life FOR THE SAKE of her baby. That she is not June Cleaver, with a working husband and the money to sit home and be a mommy.

Children in quality day care can do perfectly fine. It is a fact of life for most kids today. My daughter was raised in an orphanage her first two years, certainly far less ideal than a baby here having a sitter or qualified caregiver a few hours a day. She is doing great, a first grader reading at the same level as the privilaged kids in her class who had nannies and SAHMs, and two Lincoln SUVs (or even a Hummer) in the driveway. And she is sweet and polite. Yes, I would have loved to have been home with her, and raised her from birth myself, with no one else coming and going from her life. But she was not born into an ideal situation, which I cannot change. We do the best we can with the situation we have. Your daughter needs to worry about getting a lifetime job skill, and give up a bit of control on caregiving.
 
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bubbly602

Member
one more thing you might be able to tell her.

my b/f's sister has a 1 year old girl. She also refuses to leave her child with anyone but family. Due to this fact, the child suffers from SEVERE separation anxiety AND has abandonment issues. Children need to be able to interact with other children in their age group, it makes the transition into school a lot easier. Hopefully that will help you daughter with her decision. My daughter has been in daycare since she was 8 months, and she is healthy, well adjusted, and learning how to make friends.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
MY daughter was also in daycare. She was exposed to a diverse group of caregivers and playmates(her daycare had broad representation, including asian, african american, kids whose families were from India, etc.) She was also exposed to other children's religious and cultural backgrounds. She shared holiday celebrations with children of various religions. As a result, she is oblivious to color, race or ethnicity in her interactions with others, yet she is more aware of the fact that other people celebrate different holidays and calenders and familiar with many of these. She is comfortable and confident when interacting with others of various ages, including adults (other parents have commented to me how assured, social and happy she is).

She just turned 6. I think there is nothing wrong with the chance to interact with other kids, learn turn-taking and sharing skills, story-time and listening skills. All these are a good preparation for school. And a quality daycare can provide it.
 

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