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  1. #1
    Grateful Granny Guest

    underage daughter with a baby

    What state are you from? Ohio

    MY daughter is 17, she is still in H.S. She had a child a few months ago by a man older than she. He is trying to threaten her with custody if she does not " Grow Up". He had a job, I watched the child, while she is in school, and he at his job, he lost his job, (of many) In a nut shell, I need advice from someone who has been there, done that. What rights does she have being a minor still. She will be 18 the first part of next year. He is now using the excuse I can't find a job, and watch the child. I told him until he finds a job, he can watch the child, instead of me. Am I right, or being to harsh, I told him I would watch the child, when he got a job. My daughter has the responsibilty after school hours.

  2. #2
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    You have no legal responsibility to watch the child. The mother and father are responsible. I have a friend whose 19 year old just had a baby. The CONDITION for her staying at home if she wished to raise this baby (instead of an adoption plan) was to continue as a full-time college student and that she and the father were 100% responsible for watching the baby evenings and weekends. She told them "I already did that. If you both decided to make a child, it is now YOUR responsibility, NOT mine. I'm not going to do more than provide my daughter and her baby a place to live while SHE FINISHES HER DEGREE." She has her own job, and refuses to let them off the hook.

    If her daughter stops school, she knows she must move out.

  3. #3
    VeronicaGia is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Technically, you don't have the right to tell him anything regarding his child (or her for that matter). Yes, she and the baby are living under your roof, but it is not your child. Any rules you have can be laid on her, and she can then lay them on him and decide how to take care of the child.

  4. #4
    Grateful Granny Guest
    I gratefully understand that I can't not tell her or him what to do with their child, she is only 17, and I am staying out of it as much as possible, but their relationship is always rocky and he threatens her with custody all the time, she is taking as much part as raising this child as she possibly can at this point, she has 1 more year of H.S. he acts like she is not doing her part, but yet he can't see that he is the one without a job at this point. He is not very supportive, and well knew the age diffrence, so he has only himself to blame for her inmaturity. I just need to know if the legal stuff is any diffrent for minors, or if it is all the same. But a parent until they are 18 have to sign for everything.

  5. #5
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Just curious. How much older IS he?

  6. #6
    DrewfromCA is offline Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2003

    If I can be brutally frank....

    In most states, I think we would call this guy a rapist...

    He is 26, and not motivated to do anything? Well, the courts don't like rapists much, but I guess that is water under the bridge now.

    You should ask yourself this, does your daughter think that she has a future with this guy? Probably not, and if so, not a good one. If he thinks she is immature(which she is, at 17), what the hell does he think of himself, knocking up a 17 year old?

    Have your daughter fight for custody, and stick him with child support. He sounds like an idiot quite frankly, and your daughter will be better off without him in the long run, I think.

    Remember this... this guy is 26.. he will not change from what he is now, and if so, only very little....

  7. #7
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Good grief! She was 16. dating a 25 year old? I'd kill any 25 year old who tried to date my daughter at age 16. Sorry, Granny, I can't imagine allowing this.

    Obviously, any 26 year old that needs to date a child cannot connect with more mature woman. THis relationship had red flags all over it, long before the baby.

  8. #8
    jez51 Guest
    Okay I don't see where OP mentioned the guy was 26, but it does sound like he's not a minor. Granny may not have any legal say over the baby, but she does for her daughter. I agree with the others, custody and CS need to be established. Also some schools allow teen parents to bring their babys to school with them. DHS may also help out with daycare while she's in school. Check out other options, "daddy" sounds very immature with all his threats. Encourage your daughter to finish her education, she's going to need it in order to support her child.

  9. #9
    macy_may Guest
    I was pregnant at 17, baby born 4 days after I was 18. You can go to school while pregnant and with a child. I went to an alternative school in Michigan. Most of the people attending were kids with new born kids. We had a nursery for the babies and toddlers. Everyone took a 'study hall' that consisted of Nursery duty. It was a great learing experience, though hard to not be in the main stream school. But you have to do what you have to do. My parents were absolutely supportive which made all the difference in the world!! I would definetly take steps in collecting child support. But encourage her to stay in school, and continuing to College (even a 2-year degree makes a world of difference in the job market)

    Lots of luck!!

  10. #10
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2002
    jez - she states the guy's 26 in this thread [url]http://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=161834[/url]

  11. #11
    Grateful Granny Guest
    She is in a grads class at her school that help with all the decisions that she needs to make, for her and the baby, she is a A, B student I am just afraid she just does not realize the importance of all this, her age plays alot, I try to get her to realize the seriousness but she will not listen. I am just trying to save her a heartache if he ever does try to take custody, She will not here of anyone but family taking care of her child, I guess that was a learned behavior she got from me, I was the same way. Thanks for all the in-put it helps just to be able to talk about it to someone out-side the situation.

  12. #12
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    " She will not here of anyone but family taking care of her child"

    Does that mean she does not consider the father as the child's "family". Or any of his family? They are just as much family as you are and she better emotionally prepare herself for the fact that there will likely be a time that father will have the child for his own visitation time - without her. This child was made by two people, They are both family. Daddy will have a right to pursue his own custody/visitation rights.

    And this is THEIR child, not "her" child. She needs to learn to think in those terms.

    She should file for a fixed custody and visitation. And CS. The guy is 26, not 17.

  13. #13
    Grateful Granny Guest
    nextwife, Yes i consider his family, I get along with his mother, I do not get in their way (his family) let me reclarify what i meant by family, No strangers, daycare,etc.

  14. #14
    jez51 Guest
    Originally posted by stealth2
    jez - she states the guy's 26 in this thread [url]http://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=161834[/url]
    thanks stealth, didn't know she had more than one thread going..

  15. #15
    bubbly602 is offline Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    State of Denial

    sorry if this sounds harsh but...

    You need to explain to your daughter that SHE is the one who has a child. Tell her that you cannot go out and work to put food in their mouths and a roof over their head if you have to watch her baby all day. Things are different now. Daycare is a reality in this world. Especially for young parents. She needs to deal with that and put her child in daycare. She can get assistance from DHS, they usually have a program that will pay for part or all of daycare while she's in school or working. Do you want to end up in the position of being expected to raise your grandchild? You did your job, your daughter needs to do hers. I realize that 17 is young, and that she is immature, but she had a baby, and she needs to grow up and take care of her baby. That means putting the baby in daycare so you can work, and so she can finish school and earn a living to support her child. Like I said, I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but thousands of young girls have babies every year, and thousands of young girls stand up and do what must be done to ensure that their child is taken care of. And it's not really leaving her child with a stranger. I interviewed 35 providers before I found one to place my daughter with, and I interviewed her 10 times before I signed anything with her. Take your daughter to visit different daycares at different times of day. For the first meeting, go after the kids are all gone so you can just talk to the provider with no distractions. Then go at various times of day when kids are there to see how they interact with the provider. But(and again, I'm sorry if this sounds harsh) if your daughter didn't want to trust a stranger with her child, she should have used birth control.

    Realizing that none of what I said has anything to do with your legal situation, I'd just like to add one more thing. If your daughter puts her baby in a licensed daycare facility, be it a home or a large center, you will have an outside witness if the father ever does sue for custody. You'll have someone outside the personal situation who can go to court and say "yes, this child is well cared for and loved" That'll say a lot to any judge you come up before, because it won't be his family against yours and he said, she said, you'll have actual proof. Good luck to you and your daughter.

    Last edited by bubbly602; 10-11-2003 at 11:35 PM.

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