Unmarried Newborn Father Visitation/Custody

[MGWCard]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

First off, I have read over many of the threads here and all the information I have seen has given me a lot of hope and direction with my situation. Many Thanks!

My girlfriend of 2 years and I broke up 2 months ago and she moved out of my house.

She of course took her 2 kids (10 and 12) with her.

I have no children of my own.

She is 5 months pregnant as of today with what I understand is my baby.

I have gone to every doctor appointment and the 1 sonogram.

We don’t have any contact except at the doctor appointments.

The last appointment she said I had to wait in the waiting room which I did not like but politely complied with.

The next day was the sonogram and she let me in for that.

I have offered my financial assistance in person and she has not replied.

She has good insurance with her work.

She said we would have 50-50 custody.

I know that she doesn’t have to do anything, is not obligated to inform me of the appointments, labor, or birth.

I genuinely want what is best for this baby and will seek custody if this matter goes to court or if I am denied the 50/50 agreement.

How would I know when the baby is born?

My concern is that when the baby is born, would you suggest having something already in place to establish paternity, visitation, and whatever/however else I need?

Is their anyway this case does not get to the court system?

 

[LdiJ]

Don't you think that you are overworrying on this one just a tad? She has stated that she is willing to do joint custody and the baby won't even be born for another 3 months yet.

She is not required to allow you in the examination room and sometimes those exams are a bit more "personal" than someone might want someone else to observe.

The more amicable you and she can be, the better for the child. Put off starting hostilities until after the baby is born and its clear that you are not coming to agreements. Until then, don't worry about it.

 

[Isis1]

this may just be me, but you could definitely lower the hostilities by keeping contact with a gift for the baby once a month. you could mail it, just in case your presence might irritate her. and believe me, at 7-9 months pregnant, anything from a different mailman to that rude paperbag boy will annoy her.

 

[MGWCard]

Great Idea

Thanks for the suggestions IsabellaSoriano and LdiJ. Mailing a baby present with no expectations is a great idea - Will do

 

[thedoctorisin]

California doesn't seem to have a putative father registry, so you are out of luck on that front. Making nice with the mother is by far your best bet anyhow.

 

[Zigner]

However, one CAN begin a custody action prior to birth...

 

[LdiJ]

However, one CAN begin a custody action prior to birth...

He can, but I don't see the need at this point, and based on the timing, it would likely send mom around the bend.

 

[MGWCard]

Update

Thanks for the solid advice so far.

Here is an update:

The mother emailed me that she has moved to another state 2000 miles away!

Baby is due in February

Any suggestions?

 

[Silverplum]

Thanks for the solid advice so far.

Here is an update:

The mother emailed me that she has moved to another state 2000 miles away!

Baby is due in February

Any suggestions?

Mmmmm...sounds like she took LdiJ's oft-repeated advice to expectant mothers.

This is the fallout.

 

[CJane]

Thanks for the solid advice so far.

Here is an update:

The mother emailed me that she has moved to another state 2000 miles away!

Baby is due in February

Any suggestions?

The suggestions don't really change.

You can file now for paternity when the child is born. You can do that in your state since Mom won't be in the new state long enough to establish residency prior to the birth of the child.

If the child is yours, your options for joint-custody/visitation/child support don't change all that much.

Mom's location (and therefore the location of the fetus/baby) isn't an issue legally because legally Mom is the only parent this child has until you establish paternity.

Is what Mom did 'nice'? No, not particularly. Does it change the legal landscape? Not very much.

 

[nextwife]

Is there any way you can move there? Shared custody is more do-able if you live nearby.

 

[Ohiogal]

The suggestions don't really change.

You can file now for paternity when the child is born. You can do that in your state since Mom won't be in the new state long enough to establish residency prior to the birth of the child.

If the child is yours, your options for joint-custody/visitation/child support don't change all that much.

Mom's location (and therefore the location of the fetus/baby) isn't an issue legally because legally Mom is the only parent this child has until you establish paternity.

Is what Mom did 'nice'? No, not particularly. Does it change the legal landscape? Not very much.

Actually for UCCJEA purposes the state where the baby is born would have jurisdiction.

 

[CJane]

Actually for UCCJEA purposes the state where the baby is born would have jurisdiction.

Interesting.

Because I know I've seen multiple occasions where 'we' have told people to file NOW in the home state because the baby isn't 6 months old yet.

Good to know.

 

[Ohiogal]

Interesting.

Because I know I've seen multiple occasions where 'we' have told people to file NOW in the home state because the baby isn't 6 months old yet.

Good to know.

it depends though on the specific circumstances of the situation. The baby's home state is where the baby is born if less than 6 months old. If the baby is born in state A and moves to state B after birth that is a different issue. Then dad could file in state A if the baby is not six months old.

 

[CJane]

it depends though on the specific circumstances of the situation. The baby's home state is where the baby is born if less than 6 months old. If the baby is born in state A and moves to state B after birth that is a different issue. Then dad could file in state A if the baby is not six months old.

I'll have to look up the case law I'm thinking of (and now I wonder what state Mom moved TO), but I know I read a case in MO where a child was born in a Kansas hospital and removed by MISSOURI family services and placed in foster care.

Parents fought the removal, stating that KANSAS had jurisdiction as that's where the child was born. (Mom was actually 'homeless')

Parents lost at appeal because Mom was considered a resident of MISSOURI (that's where the shelter she was living in was located) and a child is considered a resident of 'Mother's Home State' until the child was 6 months old.

Now granted, that's Missouri. And we don't know where Mom is. But it seems to me that at least in Missouri/Kansas - the state where the child is born is only the 'state of residence' if it's also the state that the Mother resides in.