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  1. #1
    re39 is offline Junior Member
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    Angry Unwed Custody Battle of a Newborn

    What is the name of your state? Illinois
    I was unwed to my baby's father when I became pregnant. We dated only seven months prior to conception. The relationship ended three months after I became pregnant. The father and I had no interaction until the delivery of our son. One week after delivery the father petitioned the courts for sole custody our son. He did this to be malicious and vendictive because I chose not to reconcile our relationship and would not agree to him only paying for medical insurance. I hear that typically, courts would not remove a child from his home especially at such an age. He also peitioned as an alternative to have the child on his non-working days.

    Does he have any case for permanent custody? What is the likelihood of me getting the courts to grant him visitation only for every other weekend with no overnight stays until the infant is 18 months?
  2. #2
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by re39 View Post
    What is the name of your state? Illinois
    I was unwed to my baby's father when I became pregnant. We dated only seven months prior to conception. The relationship ended three months after I became pregnant. The father and I had no interaction until the delivery of our son. One week after delivery the father petitioned the courts for sole custody our son. He did this to be malicious and vendictive because I chose not to reconcile our relationship and would not agree to him only paying for medical insurance. I hear that typically, courts would not remove a child from his home especially at such an age. He also peitioned as an alternative to have the child on his non-working days.

    Does he have any case for permanent custody? What is the likelihood of me getting the courts to grant him visitation only for every other weekend with no overnight stays until the infant is 18 months?
    Why would the child be unable to stay overnight with his father until he was 18 months?
  3. #3
    re39 is offline Junior Member
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    I am breastfeeding and will continue for 18 months. I don't feel the fathers home is safe for my baby to be there until he is walking and able to communicate somewhat.
  4. #4
    re39 is offline Junior Member
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    Breastfeeding

    I am breastfeeding and will continue for 18 months. I don't feel the fathers home is safe for my baby to be there until he is walking and able to communicate somewhat.
  5. #5
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by re39 View Post
    I am breastfeeding and will continue for 18 months. I don't feel the fathers home is safe for my baby to be there until he is walking and able to communicate somewhat.

    Pump out the milk and put into a bottle. Women do it every day!! How will you work unless you pump?
    And what is so unsafe about Dads home that will magically disappear when the child is 18 months old?
    Last edited by m martin; 02-21-2012 at 12:00 PM.
  6. #6
    CourtClerk is offline Senior Member
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    Pump your milk and send it in bottles. You found him suitable to bed and make a baby with, therefore, he has just as much right as you do to have his child (once established in court) to stay over at his home as you do to have the child in your home.

    Breastfeeding is not/has not been an adequate excuse.
  7. #7
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by re39 View Post
    I am breastfeeding and will continue for 18 months. I don't feel the fathers home is safe for my baby to be there until he is walking and able to communicate somewhat.
    The baby is staying over night at YOUR home before he turns 18 months old. And dad has JUST as much right as you to have overnight time with HIS child. You chose him, YOU deal with him.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  8. #8
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by re39 View Post
    What is the name of your state? Illinois
    I was unwed to my baby's father when I became pregnant. We dated only seven months prior to conception. The relationship ended three months after I became pregnant. The father and I had no interaction until the delivery of our son. One week after delivery the father petitioned the courts for sole custody our son. He did this to be malicious and vendictive because I chose not to reconcile our relationship and would not agree to him only paying for medical insurance. I hear that typically, courts would not remove a child from his home especially at such an age. He also peitioned as an alternative to have the child on his non-working days.

    Does he have any case for permanent custody? What is the likelihood of me getting the courts to grant him visitation only for every other weekend with no overnight stays until the infant is 18 months?
    Typically, what would happen is that dad would "phase into" a regular visitation schedule.

    Read this to get an example of a phased in schedule:

    [url]http://www.in.gov/judiciary/rules/parenting/[/url]

    If dad has an attorney, you will want to have one yourself.
  9. #9
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    I love this concept:

    An unwed Dad should have to "phase in" time with their newborn, but an unwed mom doesn't need to.

    If "phasing in" is so important for a newborn, it should apply to any individual the child is left with. Mom, Grandparents, aunts, uncles, day care providers, etc. Yet, the ONLY party that may be legally required to "phase in" their time with the newborn or very young child is the child's own father.
  10. #10
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by nextwife View Post
    I love this concept:

    An unwed Dad should have to "phase in" time with their newborn, but an unwed mom doesn't need to.

    If "phasing in" is so important for a newborn, it should apply to any individual the child is left with. Mom, Grandparents, aunts, uncles, day care providers, etc. Yet, the ONLY party that may be legally required to "phase in" their time with the newborn or very young child is the child's own father.
    I agree with you...What would happen if the mother died giving birth? Would the hospital require dad to phase in before they release the child?
  11. #11
    profmum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by nextwife View Post
    I love this concept:

    An unwed Dad should have to "phase in" time with their newborn, but an unwed mom doesn't need to.

    If "phasing in" is so important for a newborn, it should apply to any individual the child is left with. Mom, Grandparents, aunts, uncles, day care providers, etc. Yet, the ONLY party that may be legally required to "phase in" their time with the newborn or very young child is the child's own father.

    Sure, why don't we just completely do away with the notion of what a mother is, her integral role in a child's life, particularly a new born, the bonding that happens when the baby is in utero, the biological connection that can truly defines "unconditional love"
    and have everyone who ever bought a shower gift to be given the same rights. Father's are of course as important, but, at that young age, to make it appear it is no big deal to let Dad, Grandma, spend overnights with the child, well..enough said. And yes there are terrible mothers as well, but that is not the societal norm.. so yes, let's ignore the importance of being a mother.. nice thoughts nextwife.. you have kids, good to know that you are about as important to them as their daycare provider or school teacher.
  12. #12
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by profmum View Post
    Sure, why don't we just completely do away with the notion of what a mother is, her integral role in a child's life, particularly a new born, the bonding that happens when the baby is in utero, the biological connection that can truly defines "unconditional love"
    and have everyone who ever bought a shower gift to be given the same rights. Father's are of course as important, but, at that young age, to make it appear it is no big deal to let Dad, Grandma, spend overnights with the child, well..enough said. And yes there are terrible mothers as well, but that is not the societal norm.. so yes, let's ignore the importance of being a mother.. nice thoughts nextwife.. you have kids, good to know that you are about as important to them as their daycare provider or school teacher.
    What are you babbling about? Did you actually READ what NW wrote??????????
    Last edited by m martin; 02-21-2012 at 12:00 PM.
  13. #13
    profmum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by baystategirl View Post
    What are you babbling about? Did you actually READ what NW wrote??????????
    I actually did.. question is can you read and understand my response to NW's post?..the notion that anyone in contact with the newborn needs to be phased in, Mum included because the importance of a mother accoring to NW .. appears to be not much!
    Last edited by m martin; 02-21-2012 at 12:00 PM.
  14. #14
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by profmum View Post
    I actually did.. question is can you read and understand my response to NW's post?..the notion that anyone in contact with the newborn needs to be phased in, Mum included because the importance of a mother accoring to NW .. appears to be not much!
    No. NW was making the point that to LEGALLY require, that a father to a newborn in a unwed situation, should have to phase in to spend time with his child is bizarre! If new mom decides to leave the child with her mother for the night so that she may attend a wedding out of town, the grandmother doesn't have to be phased in. But the FATHER has to phase in to see his OWN CHILD!

    A father is just as important to a child as the mother, and should be LEGALLY allowed to bond with his child as soon as the child is born!
    Last edited by m martin; 02-21-2012 at 12:00 PM.
  15. #15
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by profmum View Post
    I actually did.. question is can you read and understand my response to NW's post?..the notion that anyone in contact with the newborn needs to be phased in, Mum included because the importance of a mother accoring to NW .. appears to be not much!
    Wrong.

    The "phase in concept" is that a child needs to be intruded incrementally to all with whom they had no prior relationship.

    But it is LEGALLY, usually ONLY applied to the father. Mom can leave her newborn with any Tom, Dick or Harry she chooses, but Dad, the child's very own father, who, by the way, is equally important to a child, must be introduced in drips and drops. Mom's boyfriend can have more access to THE BABY THAN THE CHILD'S OWN FATHER. So, potentially, can mom's little brother or big sister, her ex roommate, her sister's boyfriend, her roommate's boyfriend. You get the idea. THEY are not "phased in".
    Last edited by nextwife; 08-31-2007 at 08:19 AM.

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