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  1. #1
    Humusluvr is offline Senior Member
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    Unwed Mother - Can I move to another state?

    What is the name of your state? Texas

    Hello All!

    I am quite excited to find this forum! I have a lot of questions about my situation, but will attempt to ask them one at a time. Thanks to all who respond.

    I am a 30 year old professional woman who is 4 1/2 months pregnant by my long term boyfriend of 2 years. We did not plan the pregnancy, and it is extremely risky as I have health complications.

    I live in an extremely small town on the Mexican border - not a place I want to raise a child. My family is in Ohio, his family is scattered about Texas (and not really a great family at that). Once the baby is born, I want to move to Ohio to be near my family. They are extremely stable and loving, and would be wonderful in helping raise the child. I would also be able to get better health care for myself and the child, go to church, and have educational opportunities for the child.

    The father is 28 years old, employed but works 80 hours a week, and has a child from another relationship who lives in Texas, but he does not get to regularly see. The mother of the other child routinely interferes with visitation and is verbally abusive. He is current on child support, but basically his child is dangled over his head.

    Can I move to Ohio once the baby is born? Can I move with or without him? Can he put up a fight to keep me here if we were never married?

    Can he move to Ohio with me if we choose to marry? What about his child in Texas?

    He knows this is my plan, but he has not wanted to discuss it. I have talked to a lawyer several times, but I am always worried about circumstances.

    thank youWhat is the name of your state?
  2. #2
    Zephyr is offline Senior Member
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    move to Ohio once the baby is born?


    not that I advocate moving a child away from a parent- but there would be ever so much less red tape if you moved to ohio now, once the baby is born dad can certainly prevail upon to courts to keep the baby near him

    Can I move with or without him?

    yes



    Can he put up a fight to keep me here if we were never married?

    no- but once the baby is born he can petition to have the child remain in the jurisdiction



    Can he move to Ohio with me if we choose to marry?


    of course





    What about his child in Texas?

    that's up to him really, ideally, if he were to move to Ohio, then he would petition the courts for a modification of his current parenting plan so that it would be more appropriate for long distance visitation
    Last edited by Zephyr; 09-27-2007 at 06:41 PM.
  3. #3
    CJane is online now Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Humusluvr View Post

    Can I move to Ohio once the baby is born? Can I move with or without him? Can he put up a fight to keep me here if we were never married?
    Technically, the answer to all 3 of those questions is yes... with the caveat that he can only fight the move if he is LEGALLY the father of the child which means he'd need to sign a paternity affidavit or have a DNA test.

    Can he move to Ohio with me if we choose to marry?
    He could move with you regardless.

    What about his child in Texas?
    What about that child? What do you want to know about that child?

    I would like to add, just as friendly advice... don't make life altering decisions while pregnant. And that includes getting married/divorced (I know, this isn't just to you)/breaking up/moving in/etc. It's never a good idea. Believe me, pregnancy should be classified as a mental illness.
  4. #4
    Zephyr is offline Senior Member
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    Cjane- you are such a little copycat!!!
  5. #5
    CJane is online now Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zephyr View Post
    Cjane- you are such a little copycat!!!
    I know.

    Just call me sheepgirl.
  6. #6
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    Fathers, fathers who are on hand and able to be active in co-parenting their child are SOOO important for children. I just wish people would think long and hard BEFORE they let themselves get pregnant about whether they CAN co-parent with the father- in the same locale, BEFORE they make a baby. Choosing to have kids that will never get to grow up anyplace where the other parent can be an active force in their lives is soooo selfish, and robs the child of one of the most important relationships of their life. Our parents are not A SUbSTITUTE FOR THE CHILD'S own FATHER.
  7. #7
    Humusluvr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by nextwife View Post
    Fathers, fathers who are on hand and able to be active in co-parenting their child are SOOO important for children. Choosing to have kids that will never get to grow up anyplace where the other parent can be an active force in their lives is soooo selfish, and robs the child of one of the most important relationships of their life. Our parents are not A SUbSTITUTE FOR THE CHILD'S own FATHER.
    I caught him cheating on me in my third month of pregnancy. I did not plan the pregnancy, took antibiotics that made the birth control not work. I did not want to be pregnant because of my health concerns. I am trying not to be the "irrational pregnant lady," but I will not have a relationship with a cheater.

    He will not be taking care of me or the baby. He works 80 hours a week. I will most likely need health care that cannot be provided in the town we live in, so I would have to move 150 miles anyways. To a town where I know NO ONE and would not have him. So if I move from Texas to Ohio, my parents can support me and my health and my baby. My family is actually a blessing for the child, not a substitute for a father who won't be there anyways.

    I think it would be selfish of HIM to keep me in a town where I have to drive 150 miles a week for health care, the 150 miles home. On my own. With a new child.

    He could see the baby from 9:30 pm to 4 a.m., which are his non-working hours. That's a little improbable.

    the situation is frustrating - I know - and there is no "easy" solution. The least harmful environment would be for me to go to Ohio. I would go tomorrow, but I have to be covered by my job's health insurance. I could end up disabled with $30,000 in bills if I don't stay put now, work, pay for my health insurance and disability, and have the baby in Texas.
  8. #8
    milspecgirl is offline Senior Member
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    if you have the baby in TX and he signs the birth certificate/affidavit of paternity, then he can petition the courts to make the child stay. you don't have to, but they can require the child stay
    it is possible if you move that they will require you to pay for all visitation between the child and the father.
    as long as you are not married and he is not listed as the legal father- you have sole custody and can go where you want. he can file for paternity and custody/visitation as well as child support.
    If you are in Ohio at birth and stay, he will have to petition in Oh. However, you have to have residency in Ohio if you move after the birth. That can take anywhere from 30 days to a year (depends on the state). Until then, he would have the right to file in TX
  9. #9
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by milspecgirl View Post
    if you have the baby in TX and he signs the birth certificate/affidavit of paternity, then he can petition the courts to make the child stay. you don't have to, but they can require the child stay
    it is possible if you move that they will require you to pay for all visitation between the child and the father.
    as long as you are not married and he is not listed as the legal father- you have sole custody and can go where you want. he can file for paternity and custody/visitation as well as child support.
    If you are in Ohio at birth and stay, he will have to petition in Oh. However, you have to have residency in Ohio if you move after the birth. That can take anywhere from 30 days to a year (depends on the state). Until then, he would have the right to file in TX
    Actually in Ohio it will take six months
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  10. #10
    LdiJ is online now Senior Member
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    I will tell you honestly, that if you really want to move, you need to do it before the baby is born.
  11. #11
    Humusluvr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    I will tell you honestly, that if you really want to move, you need to do it before the baby is born.
    I totally agree, but I have to keep health insurance. Otherwise I could be ruined.

    If he petitioned to keep the child in Texas, and I still had to move (became disabled, no one to care for me), and he definitely can't care for a child (he lives on a ranch in the middle of no where - no child care, health care, babysitters, no family) how could a court force me to stay?
  12. #12
    Accountable is offline Member
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    The Court won't stop you from moving....but they could stop you from taking the child with you. It's anyone's guess on how the Court would rule, but if you are the parent moving, the Court will most likley require that you pay the cost of transporation for the father to have his visitation time, if he seeks it. Since it sounds like you are planning live off of your parents, they may not be too excited about having to pay for the child's transportation to and from Texas several times per year.
    Last edited by Accountable; 09-28-2007 at 08:38 PM.
  13. #13
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Humusluvr View Post
    I totally agree, but I have to keep health insurance. Otherwise I could be ruined.

    If he petitioned to keep the child in Texas, and I still had to move (became disabled, no one to care for me), and he definitely can't care for a child (he lives on a ranch in the middle of no where - no child care, health care, babysitters, no family) how could a court force me to stay?
    You can get health insurance in Ohio if you are pregnant -- it is called Medicaid. healthy families/healthy start and you would end up in one of the PPOs offered by the state. Your reasons why he "definitely can't care for a child" are quite frankly nonsensical. Children live on ranches without issue. A court could not force you to stay but they could force the child. And you also need to realize that he will get visitation (most Ohio standard plans call for at least 4 weeks in the summer for children -- some counties start it at 18 months while others start it at birth-- with the noncustodial parent.)
    And quite frankly even if you are not in Ohio for 6 months but the baby is born here and that is where you are living, Ohio would have jurisdiction because the baby would be a resident at birth if you are domiciled here.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  14. #14
    Humusluvr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
    Your reasons why he "definitely can't care for a child" are quite frankly nonsensical. Children live on ranches without issue. A court could not force you to stay but they could force the child. A
    I'm sorry I did not clearly enough explain. they actually do make sense.

    I know it seems like the father could be a parent, but his ranch job starts at 4a.m. when he goes scouting for deer. He lives 30 minutes from anyone else, so I'm not sure who would be watching the child when he leaves in the morning. He would not be able to take the child to school or daycare. He would have to leave the ranch at 3 am to take the baby to town to drop the baby off with a provider who was up at that time. He then works all day until 2 or so, rests until 4, then heads back out to scout from 4 until 8:30 or 9 pm. He couldn't pick a child up from school or daycare (no bus would run to the ranch) or feed the child at appropriate times. To pick the baby up, he would be doing so at 10 pm. I am already a single mother, and I haven't even had the child yet.

    My health will deteriorate after the birth. I currently live on the Mexican border where there is not even a hospital. I have to drive 2.5 hours to San Antonio every week for appointments for my diabetes and the pregnancy, which is hard. He is working, so he can't help me. If I go on bedrest, I will have to leave my home and go live in San Antonio alone with no one to help me. My mother has asked me if I want to come to Ohio so she can take care of me and the baby. She is a nurse, and with all the health problems, it would not be a bad idea. The baby may be born there if I do end up on bedrest and no one is here to take care of me.

    I am just worried about the legal ramifications. At some point I will have to file for child support, get him on the birth certificate, and do visitation. I am very open to visitation - I would travel to bring the baby down there and allow summers if needed (I'm a teacher and would be home all summer to care for the child though). I'm very willing to work with him as long as he doesn't force me to stay somewhere will no options, no health care, no family, no support, and have to raise a child on my own.
  15. #15
    Bloopy is offline Senior Member
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    Most people’s schedule wouldn’t accommodate children until they actually have them. You’re assuming he won’t alter his schedule in the slightest or lean on anyone in his support circle. He may very well be able to make arrangements just as you are racking your brains to do. The court will grant him rights.

    You have been given the best advice possible so far.

    1) If you MUST move, it would be best to do so now (Zephyr, LdiJ)
    2) You can get Medicaid- sounds like you’ll be on Medicaid after the baby is born anyway so what is the difference? (Ohiogal)
    3) “The Court will most likely require that you pay the cost of transportation for the father to have his visitation time, if he seeks it.” (Milspecgirl, Accountable)
    4) “Fathers who are on hand and able to be active in co-parenting their child are SOOO important for children.” (nextwife)

    I understand that diabetes can become very taxing on your body while pregnant, but you are making it sound like you plan on mooching off your parents as you collect child support. Please tell us that it is “Placenta Brain” talking and you have no such intentions.

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