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  1. #1
    singlemomtorn is offline Junior Member
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    Unwed mother looking to move out of state with child

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois


    I am an unwed single mother. I have lived in Illinois for 9 years. When I moved here I met my sons father and we got pregnant right away. He did not want me to have the child, but I was against abortion. We broke up when my son was one year old. His father didn't want anything to do with him. I got an order for child support. When my son was 5, his dad came back around and tried to be part of his life again. I allowed it.

    I am originally from California. I used to have very close family here, but they moved back to California a year ago. I no longer have any family here. I have full custody of my eight year old son. My son used to be very close to my nephews, they were like brothers, since they were babies. After my family moved back to CA, I moved back in with my sons father in an effort to "be a family again" and see if I could make things work with him. I canceled the child support order. But we ended up arguing constantly and needless to say did not restart our relationship, I moved out and got my own apartment.

    Now we are both spending equall amounts of time with my son although there is no child visitation set up. My son is constantly being bounced back and forth between the two homes from day to day and he is very confused and frustrated with the whole situation. When I told his father I wanted us to agree on a set schedule for the benefit of our son, he said he completely disagrees. He wants to be able to pick up or drop off his son when ever he wants and at his convenience. I also have tried very hard to keep things calm between us, and refrain from arguing. It is very difficult because my sons father is very controlling, has a bad temper, and uses curse words constantly when speaking to me and in front of our son. My son has a decent relationship with his father, except that he complains of being afraid of him often, and he is also picking up the negative attitude his dad has. Often his father works long hours during the week and on weekends. His dad smokes cigarettes and marijuana in his home, so I am concerned for my sons health.
    My son also frequently complains that he has no friends in his school. And his dad's family does'nt make any effort to be a part of his life.

    I want to live closer to my family, where I believe my son will be better off. I have a better job offer awaiting me, as well as a good school for my son to attend. Also, my son will have all of his cousins there who are his best friends. As well as family that wants to be a big part of my sons life. I want to know if I can legally move back to California with my son. Giving his father visits in the summer and on holidays.
    And if so, should child support be set up again?
    Also who would pay for travel for visits?

    Thank you so much in advance for any advice that can be given.
    Last edited by singlemomtorn; 08-15-2010 at 09:03 AM.
  2. #2
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Has paternity been legally established (I assume so since you had an order for support, but please confirm)?

    You state that you have full custody. Is that sole legal custody or full physical custody (or both)?
  3. #3
    singlemomtorn is offline Junior Member
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    Unwed mother looking to move out of state with child

    Yes, he signed the birth certificate. He also fully agreed in (child support)court that he is the biological father. I have sole custody. He has not taken me to court to battle custody.
  4. #4
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by singlemomtorn View Post
    Yes, he signed the birth certificate. He also fully agreed in (child support)court that he is the biological father. I have sole custody. He has not taken me to court to battle custody.
    If you have sole legal and physical custody, then you can move. Check to see if there are any rules in your state that would require you to notify anyone.

    HOWEVER, since Dad has been so much a part of the child's life, he could file for custody (at least joint) and ask for an order that you not leave the state. So, you could find yourself moving to CA and then getting an order to return the children to your current state until the matter is resolved.

    Your best bet is probably to go to court to notify them of the move and to submit a long-distant parenting plan for approval. You will likely have to pay transportation costs.

    Dad may file at that point for custody. If that happens (and if your son is truly afraid of him), I would ask for custody evaluation or a GAL.
  5. #5
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mistoffolees View Post
    HOWEVER, since Dad has been so much a part of the child's life, he could file for custody (at least joint) and ask for an order that you not leave the state. So, you could find yourself moving to CA and then getting an order to return the children to your current state until the matter is resolved.
    And, if Dad were the one posting here, that is what we would suggest he do.
  6. #6
    singlemomtorn is offline Junior Member
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    Unwed mother looking to move out of state with child

    Thank you mistoffolees, this information has been very helpful.

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