Unwed mother's custody question...please help

[justconfused]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Tennessee

I have an 11 month old child and we live in the Memphis area. Her father and I, who were never married, recently had an altercation. We got into an argument and he pushed me. I became backed up against a door while his hand was around my throat as he was screaming at me. I smacked him, just hard enough to hopefully get him back to his senses. He then smacked me hard enough for my cheek to swell.

After he left, I gathered my child's belongings and I filed a police report at the local police station. I did not press charges. I am now being harassed by some members of his family because I do not want to bring my child to see him on her upcoming birthday. I was told, since we never married, I have sole custodial rights, but am not 100% sure what that means or if its even true.

Can I keep him from seeing her without a court battle, or does he have equal custodial rights?


Any information that anyone can give me regarding my legal rights as an unwed mother would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Perky]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Tennessee

I have an 11 month old child and we live in the Memphis area. Her father and I, who were never married, recently had an altercation. We got into an argument and he pushed me. I became backed up against a door while his hand was around my throat as he was screaming at me. I smacked him, just hard enough to hopefully get him back to his senses. He then smacked me hard enough for my cheek to swell.

After he left, I gathered my child's belongings and I filed a police report at the local police station. I did not press charges. I am now being harassed by some members of his family because I do not want to bring my child to see him on her upcoming birthday. I was told, since we never married, I have sole custodial rights, but am not 100% sure what that means or if its even true.

Can I keep him from seeing her without a court battle, or does he have equal custodial rights?


Any information that anyone can give me regarding my legal rights as an unwed mother would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

You have sole custody of the child until he pursues and obtains a court order to the contrary. At this point, you may keep the child from him if you wish. However, since it seems that he has been in the child's life from the get-go, it might reflect negatively on you in court. IMO, he ought to be able to see his daughter on her birthday.

 

[LdiJ]

You have sole custody of the child until he pursues and obtains a court order to the contrary. At this point, you may keep the child from him if you wish. However, since it seems that he has been in the child's life from the get-go, it might reflect negatively on you in court. IMO, he ought to be able to see his daughter on her birthday.

For the following reason, I disagree with you:

Her father and I, who were never married, recently had an altercation. We got into an argument and he pushed me. I became backed up against a door while his hand was around my throat as he was screaming at me. I smacked him, just hard enough to hopefully get him back to his senses. He then smacked me hard enough for my cheek to swell.

Of course if you condone this kind of domestic violence to the point where you think its required for her to take the child to him, and risk further domestic violence, or risk him refusing to return the child, you have the right to that opinion. I simply don't agree.

Oh, and before you state that she was equally as guilty, if someone had me shoved up against a door with their hand around my throat I would ALSO defend myself. She was unable to walk away or disengage.

Now...justconfused, I am about to yell at you.

What in the world were you thinking not pressing charges? What were you thinking not immediately calling the police to the home? Is this how you plan to raise your daughter? To believe that its ok for her significant other to get away with things like that without any consequences? At least you made a police report, but that wasn't enough.

 

[Isis1]

Op, i STRONGLY recommend you take some self defense classes.

Slapping, doesn't get the jerk off of you. A quick knee to the groin does. That's why god grew those items at the knee position.

Call the DA's office and see if they can still persue charges. DO NOT SPEAK TO ANY OF THOSE FAMILY MEMBERS. none of their business.

 

[Perky]

For the following reason, I disagree with you:



Of course if you condone this kind of domestic violence to the point where you think its required for her to take the child to him, and risk further domestic violence, or risk him refusing to return the child, you have the right to that opinion. I simply don't agree.

Oh, and before you state that she was equally as guilty, if someone had me shoved up against a door with their hand around my throat I would ALSO defend myself. She was unable to walk away or disengage.

You are, of course, entitled to your opinion, as I am to mine. However, do not ever put words in my mouth. You have absolutely no way of knowing how I would respond to your post, and to suggest that I would respond that she was just as guilty is ignorant and unfair. Ditto for suggesting that I condone the violence.

Nowhere did I state that she had to take the child to him. There are other options, you know.

 

[Just Blue]

You are, of course, entitled to your opinion, as I am to mine. However, do not ever put words in my mouth. You have absolutely no way of knowing how I would respond to your post, and to suggest that I would respond that she was just as guilty is ignorant and unfair.

Nowhere did I state that she had to take the child to him. There are other options, you know.

Ignore LD...Her DD was in an abusive relationship and LD has "issues" with DV...To the point that she will not understand that DV against the Mother doesn't negate DAD'S RIGHT to his child.

 

[Perky]

Ignore LD...Her DD was in an abusive relationship and LD has "issues" with DV...To the point that she will not understand that DV against the Mother doesn't negate DAD'S RIGHT to his child.

Thanks, I'll try, but it's pretty darned unnerving to have someone suggest something that is so untrue!!

 

[acmb05]

Of course if you condone this kind of domestic violence to the point where you think its required for her to take the child to him, and risk further domestic violence, or risk him refusing to return the child, you have the right to that opinion. I simply don't agree.

OP did not press charges she simply filled out a report after the fact. Now I agree domestic violence sucks and OP should not have to deal with that , however the OP did not press charges so at this point "legally" it did not happen and can't be used against him as it is her word against his.

Oh, and before you state that she was equally as guilty, if someone had me shoved up against a door with their hand around my throat I would ALSO defend myself. She was unable to walk away or disengage.

And yet she did not feel threatened enough to call the police nor has she taken out a restraining order against him or attempted to.

Now...justconfused, I am about to yell at you.

What in the world were you thinking not pressing charges? What were you thinking not immediately calling the police to the home? Is this how you plan to raise your daughter? To believe that its ok for her significant other to get away with things like that without any consequences? At least you made a police report, but that wasn't enough.

I agree 100%

 

[acmb05]

For your information OP. The state of Tennessee just a few weeks ago dismissed thousands of domestic violence cases and one of the reasons in a lot of them was that the abused refused to press charges and without that happening the state has absolutely no proof that the violence happened.

Also in the state of Tennessee we have a zero tolerance policy for domestic abuse. If you had called the police while you were still at the house he would have been arrested and a restraining order would have been placed on him, more than likely for you and the child and this whole thread would not be needed.

 

[LdiJ]

Ignore LD...Her DD was in an abusive relationship and LD has "issues" with DV...To the point that she will not understand that DV against the Mother doesn't negate DAD'S RIGHT to his child.

Blue...that is a very false interpretation of my views, and a very disingenious way to try to downplay a domestic violence situation. I am also quite aware that DV against the mother does not negate a dad's rights to his child...and have never suggested that it should.

Yes, my daughter experienced some DV at the hands of my granddaughter's father, as did I. Which was a very eye opening experience.

I perhaps came on too strong with Perky, but I have a problem with people giving standard answers when a circumstance is not standard. This circumstance was not standard.

Perky did not suggest a safe alternative to allow dad to see the child on her birthday...an alternative that would ensure no issues between mom and dad and a safe return of the child to mom. She simply gave the OP the impression that it would reflect negatively on her if she kept the child away from dad, and that dad should be allowed to see the child on the child's birthday.

Since mom obviously knows nothing about the law, mom could have easily taken that to mean that if she didn't take the child to see dad on the child's birthday, that she could lose custody of the child. Which is EXACTLY what happened to my daughter. She read this forum, without posting, and came to the conclusion that if she didn't take her child to see dad, when dad demanded, that she could lose her child to dad...and got beat up by dad as a result. Luckily she was smart enough to call the cops immediately.

The reality of things is that its quite rare for an unwed mother to get any grief at all in court for not allowing dad to see the child. The court is more concerned with getting the parents into mediation and getting an enforceable parenting schedule in place. If there is documented DV, then the court is going to put requirements in place to help ensure that future DV has little chance of re-occurring.

I will however apologize to Perky for insinuating that she condoned DV or would automatically assume mom was equally at fault. That was unfair. I would however request that she consider both the circumstances of a situation and the relatively legal knowledge of a poster, before giving a standard answer.

 

[CourtClerk]

Of course, we don't know what mom did to dad in the midst of this argument... although it certainly happens, we got into an argument and then he just pushed me out of no where isn't always what happens.

and I would hope that this woman is smart enough to realize that everytime the child needs to see her father, she doesn't need to be there and there are alternate means of making that happen.

Although I'm beginning not to have that much faith in people, so maybe she doesn't know and needs everyone to tell her how to live every facet of her life.

 

[LdiJ]

Of course, we don't know what mom did to dad in the midst of this argument... although it certainly happens, we got into an argument and then he just pushed me out of no where isn't always what happens.

and I would hope that this woman is smart enough to realize that everytime the child needs to see her father, she doesn't need to be there and there are alternate means of making that happen.

Although I'm beginning not to have that much faith in people, so maybe she doesn't know and needs everyone to tell her how to live every facet of her life.

Assume that mom is telling the truth and suggest an alternate means of making it happen, prior to court orders being made.

Suggest something that will make it happen and ensure that the child gets returned to mom...again, prior to court orders being made.

 

[CourtClerk]

Assume that mom is telling the truth and suggest an alternate means of making it happen, prior to court orders being made.

I'd like to assume that mom has at least enough of a brain to do something other than take her clothes off and hump somebody. She's got friends, she's probably got enabling parents too. He's obviously got family. I sure HOPE she's thought about at least maybe saying "can someone pick her up?"

Suggest something that will make it happen and ensure that the child gets returned to mom...again, prior to court orders being made.

No one can ensure the child gets returned to mom even WITH a court order and not even the OP has suggested that dad would run off with the child. Again, your experiences skew your thoughts and lead to all this paranoia that doesn't even exist.