Visitation

[onelostmom]

Thank you for all the replies. I would agree the supervised for a 17 year old does sound silly, but after the way he treated her when she contacted him at 11, she is terrified.

 

[Silverplum]

Thank you for all the replies. I would agree the supervised for a 17 year old does sound silly, but after the way he treated her when she contacted him at 11, she is terrified.

Again, what is going to happen? If she's nearly an adult and ready to take on The Big World, why would she be "terrified," and what do you plan to do to help her?

 

[BL]

Legal advice go to court now and get a new order.

My non legal advice add on to the legal advice, I reread this post a second time and had to do away with my first thoughts. It's not like the kid is 7, she is 17, almost an adult, time to let her deal with the adult world. In her case it's been an absent father, now for whatever reasons he is back and asking to see her. If she makes no attempts here, she is always going to wonder. For the kid she is going to wonder why he did what he did, what kind of a person is his, can I forgive him and have a good relationship with him, can I forgive him enough to understand why he did what he did. Only way to do that is by getting to know him, seeing what he is about and making the relationship what you can live with. It's really tough for the kid just to kiss off their parent for ever.

It took me until I was 30 to get that with my own father, bugged me to no end up to that point, it eats at you. I really wish I would have had the opportunity to do it when I was 17, my late teen years was one of his times of disappearing. I came to the conclusion that while he was a crappy father, while he was not someone I would friend in real life, he was what he was, he had reasons why he was a crappy father and he was my father. Had he been around he would have made himself and me miserable because he just was not a parent. We never had a father, daughter relationship, but I accepted him for who he was and I had a relationship with him and I liked parts of him. I think he made the best decision of staying away a lot for not just himself but for his kids to. Would never would have gotten that if I had never bothered to get to know him and probably would have let it eat me up my whole life. 5 of us kids, 2 ended up with a father relationship, 1 ended up deciding they wanted nothing to do with him and the other 2 accepted him and just had a casual relationship with him, kind of like a distant relative that you hang with every once in awhile. Point being every kid turns into an adult and has to make the decision for themselves, not always the same decision but what works for them. Lucky we had a mom who encouraged us to find out ourselves and to enjoy what ever kind of relationship we had with him.

I personally would encourage the kid to go for it and for all 3 of you to try and work out something for her to get to know him, instead of the court route.

He want's his original scedual from when she was 4 months old ,when she was 11 he told her to not contact him.What an aufull thing to do. They need to be reindrocuced if he really cares now . The poor girl and his father are strangers. If she or he procceds ,perhaps counceling for the 17 yr. old is in order.

Again he's the one that caused it ,not Mom taking her away.

 

[gam]

He want's his original scedual from when she was 4 months old ,when she was 11 he told her to not contact him.What an aufull thing to do. They need to be reindrocuced if he really cares now . The poor girl and his father are strangers. If she or he procceds ,perhaps counceling for the 17 yr. old is in order.

Again he's the one that caused it ,not Mom taking her away.

I understand all of that, that is why I said that mom and daughter should have a chat with dad and see if something could be worked out without court first. I meant something reasonable that fits the situation. I'm perhaps one of the biggest pushers on here for counseling, so I should have added that into it, don't know how I missed putting that in.

At 17 with some encouragement some of this really does not have to be so terrifying for a 17 year old. She is a big girl, capable of opening her mouth and certainly capable of saying "not so bad, I don't need supervised reunification with a therapist". She might also say after meeting him, oh man I do need all of that. Point being she is 17 and while no we don't let kids decide, she is really old enough in this situation to have a say here and change things up as she goes. Hopefully if this is explained to dad, with her explaining it to, not just coming from mom, he might see the mess he made and understand that it needs to go to what fits the kid here. Mom here(no clue to what moms feelings are on it)needs to give room for her daughter to have a bit of input and possible change things as she goes to fit what she needs.

Can these 2 parents do it without court? How the heck do I know, but mom should at least attempt with daughter and talk to dad and find out before she runs today to the court house.

 

[LdiJ]

Again, what is going to happen? If she's nearly an adult and ready to take on The Big World, why would she be "terrified," and what do you plan to do to help her?

I remember being a 17 year old girl and I would have been extremely uneasy about something like that after being told at 11 to never contact him again. I don't know if the word "terrified" is correct but I would have been extremely uneasy.

However, there are ways to make things easier for her if it ever happens. Like I said in my post that was deleted, I would encourage her to go so that she would have a chance to meet her little brothers and bond with them. However, I wouldn't do that until I was certain that dad was really serious in his intentions. I wouldn't want to get her hyped up to meet her brothers only to have dad change his mind.

 

[TheGeekess]

Therapy.

Link to Alabama Code on Child Custody
http://alisondb.legislature.state.al.us/acas/CodeOfAlabama/1975/128972.htm

You didn't say which county you were in but you might want to peruse these sites also:
http://www.alabamafamilylawblog.com/cat-visitation.html
http://www.woodfamilylaw.com/PracticeAreas/Child-Custody-Visitation.asp

[SUP](Note: I am not affiliated with any private firm whose website I have listed here. I have done so merely as a courtesy and for informative purposes only)[/SUP]

 

[BL]

I understand all of that, that is why I said that mom and daughter should have a chat with dad and see if something could be worked out without court first. I meant something reasonable that fits the situation. I'm perhaps one of the biggest pushers on here for counseling, so I should have added that into it, don't know how I missed putting that in.

At 17 with some encouragement some of this really does not have to be so terrifying for a 17 year old. She is a big girl, capable of opening her mouth and certainly capable of saying "not so bad, I don't need supervised reunification with a therapist". She might also say after meeting him, oh man I do need all of that. Point being she is 17 and while no we don't let kids decide, she is really old enough in this situation to have a say here and change things up as she goes. Hopefully if this is explained to dad, with her explaining it to, not just coming from mom, he might see the mess he made and understand that it needs to go to what fits the kid here. Mom here(no clue to what moms feelings are on it)needs to give room for her daughter to have a bit of input and possible change things as she goes to fit what she needs.

Can these 2 parents do it without court? How the heck do I know, but mom should at least attempt with daughter and talk to dad and find out before she runs today to the court house.

Well I rember after my X absconed with my children ,the other's had aged out and the court ordered the X to produce the child or serve 30 days civil ,as I didn't no criminal back then, But I treied staying in contact anyhow I could. The X said the daughter was afraid at 17 she didn't know me. I ecepted this 3rd as my own,she swore she was mine,but later said she wasn't she does look like me or the first 2.She was concerened she said what the other two would think of her when they grew up. But this is different the 17 yr. old is still uneasy.

 

[onelostmom]

Thanks again for all the replies. I guess terrfied was the wrong choice of word. I dont know that it would hurt anything if she goes, but even though she is almost an adult she does not feel comfortable being made to go spend weekends with someone she's never met.

I have had her in counseling. I have tried to encourage her to at least give him a chance and to get to know him and his family, but she wants no part of it. I will send her though if it comes down to that.

 

[BL]

Thanks again for all the replies. I guess terrfied was the wrong choice of word. I dont know that it would hurt anything if she goes, but even though she is almost an adult she does not feel comfortable being made to go spend weekends with someone she's never met.

I have had her in counseling. I have tried to encourage her to at least give him a chance and to get to know him and his family, but she wants no part of it. I will send her though if it comes down to that.

As was said an re-indroduction order should be made.You can't expect him and her just have have a 4 month's old order to pick right up. Don't blame her . Re-indroduction gives them both time to spend a little time together and if Dad sticks to it more time over time.