Visitation agreement

[daniD]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arkansas

I have a 4 year old daughter (I also have a 2 month old but she doesn't have the same dad). Her dad hasn't been in her life much at all. He has only come to see her 3 times her entire life (he lives 6 hours away) and the other times he's seen her, about once a year, is when I took her up where he lives. He does pay child support, but that's the only contribution to raising her he has offered. So obviously she does not know him one bit.

He is now interested in having visitation with her. I have tried to make an agreement with him about visitation but he won't agree to anything I offer. My only "requirement" is that he form a relationship with her before he can take her on overnights. I asked that he come down here where she is most comfortable (not forever just until she has a bond with him and at least knows who he is). He refused. He wants us to have 30/70 custody (his words). He wants her 1/3 of the month starting now.

Paternity has been established, child support was set up, but there is no visitation plan. I have full legal/physical custody.

What is a reasonable and fair visitation plan? I want to have something to offer if we go to mediation (will we automatically go to mediation or will we go straight to a judge?). I want to come up with something that is fair and that will allow them to have a good relationship, but I don't want to "give in" and risk my child's emotion well being by shipping her off with someone she doesn't know for an extended amount of time.

Thank you in advance for any advice/help you offer.
Danielle

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arkansas

I have a 4 year old daughter (I also have a 2 month old but she doesn't have the same dad). Her dad hasn't been in her life much at all. He has only come to see her 3 times her entire life (he lives 6 hours away) and the other times he's seen her, about once a year, is when I took her up where he lives. He does pay child support, but that's the only contribution to raising her he has offered. So obviously she does not know him one bit.

He is now interested in having visitation with her. I have tried to make an agreement with him about visitation but he won't agree to anything I offer. My only "requirement" is that he form a relationship with her before he can take her on overnights. I asked that he come down here where she is most comfortable (not forever just until she has a bond with him and at least knows who he is). He refused. He wants us to have 30/70 custody (his words). He wants her 1/3 of the month starting now.

Paternity has been established, child support was set up, but there is no visitation plan. I have full legal/physical custody.

What is a reasonable and fair visitation plan? I want to have something to offer if we go to mediation (will we automatically go to mediation or will we go straight to a judge?). I want to come up with something that is fair and that will allow them to have a good relationship, but I don't want to "give in" and risk my child's emotion well being by shipping her off with someone she doesn't know for an extended amount of time.

Thank you in advance for any advice/help you offer.
Danielle

It is reasonable to need a graduated supervised plan since dad does NOT have a relationship with the child. Look up the following items:
graduated visitation plan
long distance parenting plan. The 6-hours difference means that dad would need to be in town, unless he plans on flying her.

Who caused the distance?

[daniD]

Thank you for your help. I moved closer to be near family when I was 10 weeks pregnant (with my now 4 year old). He won't fly her out, his excuse to not seeing her now is that he can't afford to come see her (which is a lie).

[CSO286]

Thank you for your help. I moved closer to be near family when I was 10 weeks pregnant (with my now 4 year old). He won't fly her out, his excuse to not seeing her now is that he can't afford to come see her (which is a lie).

And since you moved, then you should be responsible for the transportation expenses.

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Maybe, maybe not. Since there is no established parenting plan NOW, and it has been 4 years, they may split the difference, or put it all on dad.

[CSO286]

Maybe, maybe not. Since there is no established parenting plan NOW, and it has been 4 years, they may split the difference, or put it all on dad.

Then, I would wonder when the distance was created.

[Rushia]

Then, I would wonder when the distance was created.

OP states in post #3 that she moved when she was 10 weeks pregnant with the child in question.

[TheGeekess]

Then, I would wonder when the distance was created.

OP said she moved at 10 weeks during her pregnancy.

There wasn't a baby when she moved.

Four years later, Dad decides he wants to see Princess.

[daniD]

We have a court date set for June 8th. He is threatening me telling me that he is going to do everything he can to make me look like a bad mom in front of the judge. He said he has 2 people that are going to come to court and testify that I take my daughter to parties with me and that I do drugs. None of that is true. I have never done drugs and I don't drink or party. I haven't been to a party since before I had my first child. If he does this how can I prove that they aren't telling the truth? I don't really have any proof that I don't do this stuff (besides that I would pass a drug test), but he doesn't have proof that I do besides what these people will say. What can I do about this, if anything?

[LdiJ]

We have a court date set for June 8th. He is threatening me telling me that he is going to do everything he can to make me look like a bad mom in front of the judge. He said he has 2 people that are going to come to court and testify that I take my daughter to parties with me and that I do drugs. None of that is true. I have never done drugs and I don't drink or party. I haven't been to a party since before I had my first child. If he does this how can I prove that they aren't telling the truth? I don't really have any proof that I don't do this stuff (besides that I would pass a drug test), but he doesn't have proof that I do besides what these people will say. What can I do about this, if anything?

Its not up to you to prove that you don't do drugs and party, its up to him to prove that you do. I wouldn't worry too much about his "witnesses". However, you can certainly offer to take a drug test if it appears to be necessary. However, you should ask that he be required to take one too. To be honest, it sounds more like he is trying to scare you into agreeing to whatever he wants.

[Ohiogal]

We have a court date set for June 8th. He is threatening me telling me that he is going to do everything he can to make me look like a bad mom in front of the judge. He said he has 2 people that are going to come to court and testify that I take my daughter to parties with me and that I do drugs. None of that is true. I have never done drugs and I don't drink or party. I haven't been to a party since before I had my first child. If he does this how can I prove that they aren't telling the truth? I don't really have any proof that I don't do this stuff (besides that I would pass a drug test), but he doesn't have proof that I do besides what these people will say. What can I do about this, if anything?

Offer to take a hair follicle test and if it comes back clean that he must pay for it. If it comes back dirty, YOU will pay for it.

[Ohiogal]

Its not up to you to prove that you don't do drugs and party, its up to him to prove that you do. I wouldn't worry too much about his "witnesses". However, you can certainly offer to take a drug test if it appears to be necessary. However, you should ask that he be required to take one too. To be honest, it sounds more like he is trying to scare you into agreeing to whatever he wants.

The judge could find the witnesses credible which is all the proof he needs. And if OP does not have an attorney she NEEDS one.

[daniD]

Thank you for the advice, I will definitely suggest the hair follicle test in court if he does follow through with his threats. I do have an attorney, but I haven't talked to him about this yet since my ex just said this to me this weekend. If he does bring the witnesses and they are deemed credible can I bring a witness that will testify that I do NOT do these things?

[LdiJ]

Thank you for the advice, I will definitely suggest the hair follicle test in court if he does follow through with his threats. I do have an attorney, but I haven't talked to him about this yet since my ex just said this to me this weekend. If he does bring the witnesses and they are deemed credible can I bring a witness that will testify that I do NOT do these things?

See what your attorney says.

[stealth2]

If he does bring the witnesses and they are deemed credible can I bring a witness that will testify that I do NOT do these things?

It is very difficult to prove a negative. For instance, unless your witness is with you 24/7/365... there is no way s/he could say without a doubt that you do not do whatever your ex claims you do...