+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 18
Like Tree1Likes

Thread: Visitation agreement

  1. #1
    daniD is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    5

    Visitation agreement

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arkansas

    I have a 4 year old daughter (I also have a 2 month old but she doesn't have the same dad). Her dad hasn't been in her life much at all. He has only come to see her 3 times her entire life (he lives 6 hours away) and the other times he's seen her, about once a year, is when I took her up where he lives. He does pay child support, but that's the only contribution to raising her he has offered. So obviously she does not know him one bit.

    He is now interested in having visitation with her. I have tried to make an agreement with him about visitation but he won't agree to anything I offer. My only "requirement" is that he form a relationship with her before he can take her on overnights. I asked that he come down here where she is most comfortable (not forever just until she has a bond with him and at least knows who he is). He refused. He wants us to have 30/70 custody (his words). He wants her 1/3 of the month starting now.

    Paternity has been established, child support was set up, but there is no visitation plan. I have full legal/physical custody.

    What is a reasonable and fair visitation plan? I want to have something to offer if we go to mediation (will we automatically go to mediation or will we go straight to a judge?). I want to come up with something that is fair and that will allow them to have a good relationship, but I don't want to "give in" and risk my child's emotion well being by shipping her off with someone she doesn't know for an extended amount of time.

    Thank you in advance for any advice/help you offer.
    Danielle
  2. #2
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    With Capt'n Hook
    Posts
    11,375
    Quote Originally Posted by daniD View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Arkansas

    I have a 4 year old daughter (I also have a 2 month old but she doesn't have the same dad). Her dad hasn't been in her life much at all. He has only come to see her 3 times her entire life (he lives 6 hours away) and the other times he's seen her, about once a year, is when I took her up where he lives. He does pay child support, but that's the only contribution to raising her he has offered. So obviously she does not know him one bit.

    He is now interested in having visitation with her. I have tried to make an agreement with him about visitation but he won't agree to anything I offer. My only "requirement" is that he form a relationship with her before he can take her on overnights. I asked that he come down here where she is most comfortable (not forever just until she has a bond with him and at least knows who he is). He refused. He wants us to have 30/70 custody (his words). He wants her 1/3 of the month starting now.

    Paternity has been established, child support was set up, but there is no visitation plan. I have full legal/physical custody.

    What is a reasonable and fair visitation plan? I want to have something to offer if we go to mediation (will we automatically go to mediation or will we go straight to a judge?). I want to come up with something that is fair and that will allow them to have a good relationship, but I don't want to "give in" and risk my child's emotion well being by shipping her off with someone she doesn't know for an extended amount of time.

    Thank you in advance for any advice/help you offer.
    Danielle
    It is reasonable to need a graduated supervised plan since dad does NOT have a relationship with the child. Look up the following items:
    graduated visitation plan
    long distance parenting plan. The 6-hours difference means that dad would need to be in town, unless he plans on flying her.

    Who caused the distance?
  3. #3
    daniD is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    5
    Thank you for your help. I moved closer to be near family when I was 10 weeks pregnant (with my now 4 year old). He won't fly her out, his excuse to not seeing her now is that he can't afford to come see her (which is a lie).
  4. #4
    CSO286 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Once upon a time, far, far, away...
    Posts
    5,364
    Quote Originally Posted by daniD View Post
    Thank you for your help. I moved closer to be near family when I was 10 weeks pregnant (with my now 4 year old). He won't fly her out, his excuse to not seeing her now is that he can't afford to come see her (which is a lie).

    And since you moved, then you should be responsible for the transportation expenses.
  5. #5
    TinkerBelleLuvr is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    With Capt'n Hook
    Posts
    11,375
    Maybe, maybe not. Since there is no established parenting plan NOW, and it has been 4 years, they may split the difference, or put it all on dad.
    TheGeekess likes this.
  6. #6
    CSO286 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Once upon a time, far, far, away...
    Posts
    5,364
    Quote Originally Posted by TinkerBelleLuvr View Post
    Maybe, maybe not. Since there is no established parenting plan NOW, and it has been 4 years, they may split the difference, or put it all on dad.
    Then, I would wonder when the distance was created.
  7. #7
    Rushia is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    are those flames?!!!
    Posts
    4,325
    Quote Originally Posted by CSO286 View Post
    Then, I would wonder when the distance was created.
    OP states in post #3 that she moved when she was 10 weeks pregnant with the child in question.
  8. #8
    TheGeekess is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    The Heart o' Dixie
    Posts
    9,822
    Quote Originally Posted by CSO286 View Post
    Then, I would wonder when the distance was created.
    OP said she moved at 10 weeks during her pregnancy.

    There wasn't a baby when she moved.

    Four years later, Dad decides he wants to see Princess.
  9. #9
    daniD is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    5
    We have a court date set for June 8th. He is threatening me telling me that he is going to do everything he can to make me look like a bad mom in front of the judge. He said he has 2 people that are going to come to court and testify that I take my daughter to parties with me and that I do drugs. None of that is true. I have never done drugs and I don't drink or party. I haven't been to a party since before I had my first child. If he does this how can I prove that they aren't telling the truth? I don't really have any proof that I don't do this stuff (besides that I would pass a drug test), but he doesn't have proof that I do besides what these people will say. What can I do about this, if anything?
  10. #10
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    65,918
    Quote Originally Posted by daniD View Post
    We have a court date set for June 8th. He is threatening me telling me that he is going to do everything he can to make me look like a bad mom in front of the judge. He said he has 2 people that are going to come to court and testify that I take my daughter to parties with me and that I do drugs. None of that is true. I have never done drugs and I don't drink or party. I haven't been to a party since before I had my first child. If he does this how can I prove that they aren't telling the truth? I don't really have any proof that I don't do this stuff (besides that I would pass a drug test), but he doesn't have proof that I do besides what these people will say. What can I do about this, if anything?
    Its not up to you to prove that you don't do drugs and party, its up to him to prove that you do. I wouldn't worry too much about his "witnesses". However, you can certainly offer to take a drug test if it appears to be necessary. However, you should ask that he be required to take one too. To be honest, it sounds more like he is trying to scare you into agreeing to whatever he wants.
  11. #11
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    52,785
    Quote Originally Posted by daniD View Post
    We have a court date set for June 8th. He is threatening me telling me that he is going to do everything he can to make me look like a bad mom in front of the judge. He said he has 2 people that are going to come to court and testify that I take my daughter to parties with me and that I do drugs. None of that is true. I have never done drugs and I don't drink or party. I haven't been to a party since before I had my first child. If he does this how can I prove that they aren't telling the truth? I don't really have any proof that I don't do this stuff (besides that I would pass a drug test), but he doesn't have proof that I do besides what these people will say. What can I do about this, if anything?
    Offer to take a hair follicle test and if it comes back clean that he must pay for it. If it comes back dirty, YOU will pay for it.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  12. #12
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Ohio
    Posts
    52,785
    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    Its not up to you to prove that you don't do drugs and party, its up to him to prove that you do. I wouldn't worry too much about his "witnesses". However, you can certainly offer to take a drug test if it appears to be necessary. However, you should ask that he be required to take one too. To be honest, it sounds more like he is trying to scare you into agreeing to whatever he wants.
    The judge could find the witnesses credible which is all the proof he needs. And if OP does not have an attorney she NEEDS one.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  13. #13
    daniD is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    5
    Thank you for the advice, I will definitely suggest the hair follicle test in court if he does follow through with his threats. I do have an attorney, but I haven't talked to him about this yet since my ex just said this to me this weekend. If he does bring the witnesses and they are deemed credible can I bring a witness that will testify that I do NOT do these things?
  14. #14
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    65,918
    Quote Originally Posted by daniD View Post
    Thank you for the advice, I will definitely suggest the hair follicle test in court if he does follow through with his threats. I do have an attorney, but I haven't talked to him about this yet since my ex just said this to me this weekend. If he does bring the witnesses and they are deemed credible can I bring a witness that will testify that I do NOT do these things?
    See what your attorney says.
  15. #15
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Posts
    44,484
    Quote Originally Posted by daniD View Post
    If he does bring the witnesses and they are deemed credible can I bring a witness that will testify that I do NOT do these things?
    It is very difficult to prove a negative. For instance, unless your witness is with you 24/7/365... there is no way s/he could say without a doubt that you do not do whatever your ex claims you do...
    Last edited by stealth2; 04-29-2012 at 07:03 AM.

Similar Threads

  1. Visitation Agreement
    By aoyen81 in forum Child Custody & Visitation
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 01-13-2009, 08:14 PM
  2. Visitation Agreement?
    By Glasstiger75 in forum Child Custody & Visitation
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 09-12-2008, 06:39 AM
  3. Visitation Agreement-Can I do this on my own?
    By LisaLisa in forum Child Custody & Visitation
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 01-06-2006, 04:51 AM
  4. Visitation Agreement Please Help
    By mjb11880 in forum Child Custody & Visitation
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 05-31-2003, 03:33 PM
  5. please help me..fair visitation agreement when there is no legal agreement yet
    By kayhope2000 in forum Child Custody & Visitation
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 01-08-2002, 07:08 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

© 1995-2012 Advice Company, All Rights Reserved

FreeAdvice® has been providing millions of consumers with outstanding advice, free, since 1995. While not a substitute for personal advice from a licensed professional, it is available AS IS, subject to our Disclaimer and Terms & Conditions Of Use.