Visitation disagreement

[k7593]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

My ex husband and I have a long distance parenting plan. I live in Florida as "primary" with my children and he lives in another state and has "visitation". Normally our plan works well, however we recently have hit a snag in which our time with the children has overlapped. The last day of school is May 26. Per the plan, he has the majority of the summer and I have the majority of the school year. I am to have the first 2 weeks of summer vacation and a three day weekend of my choice during the summer before they are returned to me one week before school begins. The disagreement is in that "his" weekend (Memorial Day) is during "my" first two weeks of summer vacation. I'm being threatened that if I do not meet him for exchange for his weekend, he is going to withhold my 3 day weekend from me in the middle of the summer. I don't know what to do as I do not want to lose my 2 weeks I am supposed to have or my 3 day weekend and I cannot come to an agreement with him. Do I have to give up part of my time to accommodate him or if I don't, what do I do when he refuses my visitation time in the middle of summer?

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

My ex husband and I have a long distance parenting plan. I live in Florida as "primary" with my children and he lives in another state and has "visitation". Normally our plan works well, however we recently have hit a snag in which our time with the children has overlapped. The last day of school is May 26. Per the plan, he has the majority of the summer and I have the majority of the school year. I am to have the first 2 weeks of summer vacation and a three day weekend of my choice during the summer before they are returned to me one week before school begins. The disagreement is in that "his" weekend (Memorial Day) is during "my" first two weeks of summer vacation. I'm being threatened that if I do not meet him for exchange for his weekend, he is going to withhold my 3 day weekend from me in the middle of the summer. I don't know what to do as I do not want to lose my 2 weeks I am supposed to have or my 3 day weekend and I cannot come to an agreement with him. Do I have to give up part of my time to accommodate him or if I don't, what do I do when he refuses my visitation time in the middle of summer?

Have you asked him to extend your 2 weeks by 3 days so he gets his w/e? But, having had s similar schedule, I'd just let him have the w/e.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

My ex husband and I have a long distance parenting plan. I live in Florida as "primary" with my children and he lives in another state and has "visitation". Normally our plan works well, however we recently have hit a snag in which our time with the children has overlapped. The last day of school is May 26. Per the plan, he has the majority of the summer and I have the majority of the school year. I am to have the first 2 weeks of summer vacation and a three day weekend of my choice during the summer before they are returned to me one week before school begins. The disagreement is in that "his" weekend (Memorial Day) is during "my" first two weeks of summer vacation. I'm being threatened that if I do not meet him for exchange for his weekend, he is going to withhold my 3 day weekend from me in the middle of the summer. I don't know what to do as I do not want to lose my 2 weeks I am supposed to have or my 3 day weekend and I cannot come to an agreement with him. Do I have to give up part of my time to accommodate him or if I don't, what do I do when he refuses my visitation time in the middle of summer?

Your problem is that when your schedule was made it was not foreseen that school might let out before Memorial Day weekend, and therefore have it fall during what is supposed to be your only real period of summer possession. Does it fall smack in the middle or does it fall at the beginning of your two weeks? If it falls at he beginning of your two weeks I would insist on getting your full two weeks after that.

You also need to head back to court to get your orders modified to avoid that problem in the future. Perhaps you should ask for it to be changed so that all of your time is at the end of summer (3 weeks plus one long weekend), or get it changed so that you get the first two weeks after Memorial Day weekend, or even have it changed so that you get your two weeks plus a long weekend in the middle of the summer.

There are ways that things can be restructured to make sure that this does not happen again.

 

[k7593]

I cannot ask for extra days on the other end of the 2 weeks because that interferes with Father's Day. The choices my ex has presented to me are that I can either miss out on 3 days of my 2 weeks (because he doesn't believe the beginning of those 2 weeks are clear when, in fact, it is clearly stated in the plan when vacation time begins and ends) or I can miss out on my 3 day weekend in the summer. He is very difficult to work with. He has also stated to the children he will no longer very allowing them to stay here during "his" time for events they wish to attend such as birthday parties, football games, etc. It is stated in the plan they have the right to attend age appropriate activities without fear of losing time with a parent. I was told by an attorney they have the right to attend those events and he can come down here to take them if he chooses. Thank you for your advice. I was hoping for a quick fix to a difficult problem, but I believe we will be butting heads until we can get help resolving this.

 

[Zigner]

I don't see why this is such an issue...give up the three days and move on. This is NOT a mountain to die on...heck, it's not even a hill.

 

[Ohiogal]

I cannot ask for extra days on the other end of the 2 weeks because that interferes with Father's Day. The choices my ex has presented to me are that I can either miss out on 3 days of my 2 weeks (because he doesn't believe the beginning of those 2 weeks are clear when, in fact, it is clearly stated in the plan when vacation time begins and ends) or I can miss out on my 3 day weekend in the summer. He is very difficult to work with. He has also stated to the children he will no longer very allowing them to stay here during "his" time for events they wish to attend such as birthday parties, football games, etc. It is stated in the plan they have the right to attend age appropriate activities without fear of losing time with a parent. I was told by an attorney they have the right to attend those events and he can come down here to take them if he chooses. Thank you for your advice. I was hoping for a quick fix to a difficult problem, but I believe we will be butting heads until we can get help resolving this.

When does vacation time begin and end PER the order? AND is Memorial Day his holiday time? Because you don't get to deprive him HIS holiday time. And how many times are you scheduling things on HIS time?

 

[k7593]

I don't schedule things on his time. There was one game in which my oldest daughter played in the band and my younger daughter wanted to watch. And the other time, they found out about a birthday party their cousin was having and asked to go. *I don't schedule them.* Again, I was told they have the right to attend these things and he can come down and take them. I'm not denying him. Per the order, my time starts the day the get out of school and runs 2 weeks from then. Memorial day falls within that time frame. He is supposed to get that date but the time overlaps, which is the problem. I can't deny his time, but neither can he deny my time. I'm not trying to "die" on this, but things are becoming an issue when he tries to enforce things I've understood he cannot. I'm trying to follow that plan as best I can while retaining *MY* rights and the rights of my children. If it's necessary to take them, yes I will. But I want a clear understanding of MY rights.

 

[Zigner]

I don't schedule things on his time. There was one game in which my oldest daughter played in the band and my younger daughter wanted to watch. And the other time, they found out about a birthday party their cousin was having and asked to go. *I don't schedule them.* Again, I was told they have the right to attend these things and he can come down and take them. I'm not denying him. Per the order, my time starts the day the get out of school and runs 2 weeks from then. Memorial day falls within that time frame. He is supposed to get that date but the time overlaps, which is the problem. I can't deny his time, but neither can he deny my time. I'm not trying to "die" on this, but things are becoming an issue when he tries to enforce things I've understood he cannot. I'm trying to follow that plan as best I can while retaining *MY* rights and the rights of my children. If it's necessary to take them, yes I will. But I want a clear understanding of MY rights.

Generally, the holiday visitation will take precedence over the normal parenting time. In other words, the Memorial Day holiday time would take precedence over your summer parenting time.

If you decide not to let him take them this weekend, then you are, in fact, choosing to use this weekend as your 3-day weekend. He is right.

 

[stealth2]

There are so many ways to fit those those w/e days in, it's untrue. Add them to the start of the week you get them before school starts. Set up another w/e during the summer. Fit the days in during the year. Seriously.

Does it stink to lose "off"time with the kids? Sure. Is it a hill to die on? Nope.

Be the bigger person.

 

[Ohiogal]

He has every right to Memorial Day. Not you. You are in the wrong.

Or what Zigner stated. So you get your time, interrupted by HIS holiday and then back to your time until it is done...

 

[stealth2]

Similar to OP, I had the kids during the school year, Dad had them for the summer. He got a w/e every month (and while it was ordered to be the third w/e of each month, if a different w/e was a 3-day-er, I offered for him to have that), I got until the Friday after school ended, the third week in July and August each, and until the Sunday before school started. Alternating holidays, other breaks, etc.

Yep, it stunk to have all the "work" time and lose all the "fun" time, but..... we made our fun when we were together. To *me*, it was more important for them to have time with their Dad. I hoped it would lead to a good relationship with both of us for them. Most here know that's not how it worked out. BUT... that can never be blamed on me.

OP - sometimes you have to look at the big picture.

 

[Ohiogal]

Similar to OP, I had the kids during the school year, Dad had them for the summer. He got a w/e every month (and while it was ordered to be the third w/e of each month, if a different w/e was a 3-day-er, I offered for him to have that), I got until the Friday after school ended, the third week in July and August each, and until the Sunday before school started. Alternating holidays, other breaks, etc.

Yep, it stunk to have all the "work" time and lose all the "fun" time, but..... we made our fun when we were together. To *me*, it was more important for them to have time with their Dad. I hoped it would lead to a good relationship with both of us for them. Most here know that's not how it worked out. BUT... that can never be blamed on me.

OP - sometimes you have to look at the big picture.

We need to clone your parenting. NEED. CLONE. Report to District 12. Or Soylent Green. Or ... SOMETHING!

 

[t74]

You make it sound that summer is all "fun time". For the average working parent, it is no different than during the school year since he/she will be out of the house (making the child support money) even though the children are out of school. In fact, summer possession of children requiring child care is more difficult - and expensive- than during the school year. So, unless he has the same schedule as the children, his possession time is very much like your only you have them more than 3 times as much.

 

[stealth2]

You make it sound that summer is all "fun time". For the average working parent, it is no different than during the school year since he/she will be out of the house (making the child support money) even though the children are out of school. In fact, summer possession of children requiring child care is more difficult - and expensive- than during the school year. So, unless he has the same schedule as the children, his possession time is very much like your only you have them more than 3 times as much.

Well, in our situation, summer actually WAS fun time. My ex has a career where he can set his own schedule in the summer, working when/if/as he chose. Beyond that, though, there is rarely homework to be dealt with on a daily/weekend basis in the summer, as opposed to during the school year. Even with working conventional hours during summer, evenings/weekends tend to be more free/loosey-goosey. It's harder to take vacation time during the school year than during the summer. And..... when you get limited time during the summer (as I did), one must often choose between time with the kids or allowing them to participate in other activities. We didn't take vacations, as one week they were home the oldest was away at Scout camp, and the other had the youngest away at hockey camp. And I wasn't taking a vacation with one and not the other - nor paying for two separate vacations.

Just sayin'...

 

[LdiJ]

I cannot ask for extra days on the other end of the 2 weeks because that interferes with Father's Day. The choices my ex has presented to me are that I can either miss out on 3 days of my 2 weeks (because he doesn't believe the beginning of those 2 weeks are clear when, in fact, it is clearly stated in the plan when vacation time begins and ends) or I can miss out on my 3 day weekend in the summer. He is very difficult to work with. He has also stated to the children he will no longer very allowing them to stay here during "his" time for events they wish to attend such as birthday parties, football games, etc. It is stated in the plan they have the right to attend age appropriate activities without fear of losing time with a parent. I was told by an attorney they have the right to attend those events and he can come down here to take them if he chooses. Thank you for your advice. I was hoping for a quick fix to a difficult problem, but I believe we will be butting heads until we can get help resolving this.

A full two weeks after Memorial Day absolutely does NOT interfere with Father's Day weekend. Look at the calendar.