visitation expense problem-Iowa decree

[singlepapa43]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Iowa
Hi. I am a single father with custody of our two kids, 8 and 11. Prior to divorce my ex moved 12 hours away to Ohio. The decree states I have to pick up kids from her visits in Ohio after Christmas and Summer visits. She has paid $0 support for two and a half years, and claims one child on taxes. A 252H hearing is scheduled December 7th to establish a support order. She claims to be unemployed, has a bachelors degree, and lives with boyfriend. She recently moved to Michigan, but drop off location is the same for visits. My problem is, I can't afford the trip to pick up the kids at Christmas. The financial effects of the divorce and raising kids alone pushed me into bankruptcy this year, and I am struggling to keep our home from foreclosure. She refuses of course to return them after her visit. Would I be in contempt if I do not allow her to take them across the country and I have no way to get them home? My only vehicle is my work van with 200,000 miles on it so I have to spring for rental car, hotel, and gas which is about $750 total. I won't be able to get the kids anything for Christmas if forced to make the trip. What can I do? I want them to see their mother but this situation is making victims of the children and I because of her choices. She refuses to even tell me WHERE the kids will be during her visits since she moved to a new state last Summer during her visit.

 

[Zigner]

Why do you allow her to claim one of the kids on her taxes every year?

 

[singlepapa43]

It was agreed to in the pre-trial stipulation. We fought for custody. A year after moving and before divorce court, she abducted kids and took them to Ohio. At trial, I did not ask for support because she was in college and I had assumed she would be responsible for visitation expense if I won. I was trying to encourage visits for the kids benefit, but the extra expense has been a burden.

 

[stealth2]

Why has support not been ordered in 2+ years? Were you ordered to pick them up, or did you agree? An yes. you would be at risk of being found in contempt if you deny visitation.

Did you have a lawyer for your divorce?

 

[singlepapa43]

I was told you cannot change the order for two years. I applied for CSRU to establish an order last August when I could. We have a hearing December 7th. I am ordered to pick up kids, but did not agree. Yes, I had an attorney but not a good one. He encouraged me to give up right before trial, after running up $20K in bills. I disagreed and ended up winning.

 

[singlepapa43]

Not sure if it matters, but she refuses to tell me where kids will be during visits since moving. I feel I have a right to know an address where they will be. There have been safety issues in the past. Am I correct? Would this affect our situation at all?

 

[stealth2]

Not sure if it matters, but she refuses to tell me where kids will be during visits since moving. I feel I have a right to know an address where they will be. There have been safety issues in the past. Am I correct? Would this affect our situation at all?

Not unless the order requires her to provide that information.

 

[singlepapa43]

Not unless the order requires her to provide that information.

I understand. In order to change the travel requirements I assume I would likely have to file for a modification hearing. Any advice on how to do that pro se? Or will the court take the extra expense into consideration when setting a support amount?

 

[singlepapa43]

Is it possible to make a pleading to the court prior to the visit seeking emergency relief? I don't want to interfere with visit, or be held in contempt. But I am at a loss as to how to accommodate the requirements of the decree financially.

 

[LdiJ]

Is it possible to make a pleading to the court prior to the visit seeking emergency relief? I don't want to interfere with visit, or be held in contempt. But I am at a loss as to how to accommodate the requirements of the decree financially.

Lets step back for a minute. Iowa to Ohio is one thing. Iowa to Michigan might be totally another unless she lived in Toledo and just moved across the border. Is there any possibility that the two of you could agree to a different pickup point that might be advantageous to both of you? Parents ARE allowed to mutually agree to deviate from the court orders.

You simply cannot risk denying her Christmas visitation. You also will have to get them home one way or another. I also think that 750.00 is high on the expense side. If it really costs you 750 then it would really cost mom the same to pick them up, and if it really costs the two of you 1500.00 in transportation expenses, then putting your heads together might minimize the costs for both of you.

 

[Proserpina]

Is it possible to make a pleading to the court prior to the visit seeking emergency relief? I don't want to interfere with visit, or be held in contempt. But I am at a loss as to how to accommodate the requirements of the decree financially.

Honestly? That's neither Mom's nor the court's problem.

What kind of accommodation are you looking for? Mom paying?

 

[singlepapa43]

Lets step back for a minute. Iowa to Ohio is one thing. Iowa to Michigan might be totally another unless she lived in Toledo and just moved across the border. Is there any possibility that the two of you could agree to a different pickup point that might be advantageous to both of you? Parents ARE allowed to mutually agree to deviate from the court orders.

You simply cannot risk denying her Christmas visitation. You also will have to get them home one way or another. I also think that 750.00 is high on the expense side. If it really costs you 750 then it would really cost mom the same to pick them up, and if it really costs the two of you 1500.00 in transportation expenses, then putting your heads together might minimize the costs for both of you.

I understand your point and have asked her to compromise to no avail. The price of my end of transport is higher because I have to rent a car. She drives her boyfriends for long trips. My reasoning for wanting her to pay for travel expense is based on receiving $0 in support. She has a bachelors degree, lives an opulent lifestyle, but claims to be unemployed. She contributes nothing to the kids but syphons thousands of dollars per year out of our family funds through taxes and visitation expense.

 

[singlepapa43]

Honestly? That's neither Mom's nor the court's problem.

What kind of accommodation are you looking for? Mom paying?

Really? It is not their problem when mom is a deadbeat parent and pays nothing for support nor helps with their needs? She bounces from paramour to paramour depending on who can best support her opulent lifestyle. Meanwhile her kids suffer and are forced endure the financial consequences of her behavior?
Yes, I would expect as a matter of decency and justice between the parties, that mom return the kids when she takes them halfway across the country, especially for only a few days. It was her choice to relocate, she pays $0 support, and the kids and I should not be victims of her negligence.

 

[Proserpina]

I understand your point and have asked her to compromise to no avail. The price of my end of transport is higher because I have to rent a car. She drives her boyfriends for long trips. My reasoning for wanting her to pay for travel expense is based on receiving $0 in support. She has a bachelors degree, lives an opulent lifestyle, but claims to be unemployed. She contributes nothing to the kids but syphons thousands of dollars per year out of our family funds through taxes and visitation expense.

No no no no Dad. NO. Do NOT go there. Where she gets her money is absolutely NONE of your business. If her boyfriend is supporting her, good for him. If her parents are keeping her in Chanel makeup and Coach purses, that's her business.

She contributes nothing? I guess they're roofless, foodless and clothesless when they're with her, right? That you didn't file for child support isn't her fault. Should she be handing you cash? Oh, sure - the moral thing to do would be to pay child support in accordance with guidelines. But legally, she's in the right.

You really, really need to build a bridge Dad.

 

[Proserpina]

Really? It is not their problem when mom is a deadbeat parent and pays nothing for support nor helps with their needs?

Since you never bothered to request child support, she's not ordered to pay child support. She's not a deadbeat. So no, it's not their problem that you can't afford to abide by the decree.

She bounces from paramour to paramour depending on who can best support her opulent lifestyle. Meanwhile her kids suffer and are forced endure the financial consequences of her behavior?

If she wants to hook up with a Sugar Daddy, her business. Not yours. And certainly not the court's business.

The kids are suffering? You mean you're financially suffering. Why don't you split custody with Mom so that the your overall financial burden is lessened? (I'm actually being serious here)

Yes, I would expect as a matter of decency and justice between the parties, that mom return the kids when she takes them halfway across the country, especially for only a few days. It was her choice to relocate, she pays $0 support, and the kids and I should not be victims of her negligence.

And it was your choice not to push for child support.

You are really not helping yourself here, Dad. You're coming across as incredibly bitter and jealous. As for the rest, well ... you trusted her to be Mama, and the court will trust your decision.