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Visitation Problems with Mom/Grandmother

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JusttheDad

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Tennessee

I have a 13-month-old daughter with my ex-girlfriend. The girlfriend and I broke up in December; before then I saw my daughter on a daily basis. We have a parenting plan that was court approved in November and I do have visitation rights (Thursday nights, every other weekend, holidays, etc.). We just started the visitation schedule in December, though, due to the breakup.

It seems that every time I am to have my daughter, something happens to interrupt my visitation. This includes phone calls asking me to bring her back early for whatever reason; my daughter not being at the mom's house when I go to pick her up (the grandmother took her shopping); the most extreme example was when I had my daughter during the Christmas break and she became sick. Me and the mom took her to the doctor together - afterwards the grandmother came to the parking lot and took my daughter from me saying that "a baby wants to be with its mother when it's sick". I still had one day left on my visitation. (I did get her back later that night after threatening to call my attorney and the police). These are just a few examples in the short time we have done visitation.

This is my weekend to have my daughter; however, the mom's birthday was yesterday and she gets her on her birthday. So my daughter stays at her mom's last night and we agreed that I would pick her up today after I got off work. When I get to her house, no one is there and it takes 4 attempts to reach the mom (mom and grandmother are shopping with my daughter).

I'm pretty sure that unless I make a big fuss I won't see my daughter for the rest of the weekend. The police won't do anything - the last time they said it was a civil matter and they could not do anything about it.

Our parenting plan includes a 3 hour right of first refusal. I have no problem with allowing the mom to keep the daughter during my visitation when I work or go to school. (Mom does not work and she does not go to school.)

Is this contempt? And if I take her back to court, will this stop? Will I have a chance to get my daughter 50-50 because of this? I go to school full-time, I work part-time, and I pay child support. I still owe my parents for the 1st time we went to court. I can't afford alot of money unless it makes a difference.

I'm just sick of the drama and the mom and grandmother acting like I don't matter in my daughter's life. Just so you know - I am 20 and the mom is 19 - we both live with our parents.
 


Proserpina

Senior Member
You're not going to get 50-50 because of a single incident.

All you can do is file for contempt every time she withholds your court-ordered visitation.

It can become expensive and it may not make Mom play by the rules until she's threatened with losing custody...which is likely going to take several instances.
 

JusttheDad

Junior Member
Do you mean several court appearances? Or several contempt instances? Because I have had more than one contempt instances at this moment (around 5).
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Do you mean several court appearances? Or several contempt instances? Because I have had more than one contempt instances at this moment (around 5).


Several instances of the court finding Mom to be in contempt.

I'm sorry - I know it sucks, but it's the reality of family court. The first time she'll likely get nothing more than a scolding. The second time...a slap on the wrist. It's not until the court has a record of her repeatedly withholding visitation without good reason that anything major is like to change.

I have to ask though, why you would entertain the phone calls? Mom wants kiddo back...why? Just say no!
 

CJane

Senior Member
If Mom is calling and asking to have the child back early, and you're returning the child early, it's not contempt. If Mom is calling and asking to have the child back early and you're refusing, it's not contempt.

You allowed Grandma to take the child. That's not contempt. Sure, your only opportunity to prevent it might have been to cause a scene, but you still allowed it to happen.

If child is shopping with Grandma and you don't get her on time, but you do eventually get her, it's only borderline contempt.

Honestly, I don't think you have much to base a contempt case ON, especially on an order that's only been in effect for a month or two. Mom's likely to get a stern talking to and that's about it.
 

JusttheDad

Junior Member
I guess I have been trying to be flexible and make things as easy as possible for all of us. I don't like conflict, especially when it involves my child. But I do realize I need to start standing up for myself a little better.

And technically I didn't let the grandmother take her that day at the doctor's office. She asked me if she could hold her so I let her, and that's when she started saying all the things she said. And at that point I didn't want to snatch my child out of her arms, so I just let them go.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I guess I have been trying to be flexible and make things as easy as possible for all of us. I don't like conflict, especially when it involves my child. But I do realize I need to start standing up for myself a little better.

And technically I didn't let the grandmother take her that day at the doctor's office. She asked me if she could hold her so I let her, and that's when she started saying all the things she said. And at that point I didn't want to snatch my child out of her arms, so I just let them go.

Then yes...you DID let her.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I guess I have been trying to be flexible and make things as easy as possible for all of us. I don't like conflict, especially when it involves my child. But I do realize I need to start standing up for myself a little better.

And technically I didn't let the grandmother take her that day at the doctor's office. She asked me if she could hold her so I let her, and that's when she started saying all the things she said. And at that point I didn't want to snatch my child out of her arms, so I just let them go.
Yes, you do need to stand up for yourself, but make sure that you do it calmly, without any raised voices if possible. That will make things easier on the baby.
 

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