visitation in rehab

[LdiJ]

Why not have your daughter send some nice school papers and a letter to dad? Everyone likes mail that isn't a bill. It shows you FACILITATING a relationship between the child and the NCP. Maybe dad will write back.

Heck, I send mail to the child who lives in my house! There is always a complaint that "I don't get any mail."

That's not a bad idea, and it would be a kind thing to do. Read any letters that come from dad first though, before giving them to the children, just to make sure that dad's head is in the right place when he is writing them. Dad's going to have some periods during rehab where he won't be rational.

 

[aap1965]

That does bring up another issue. He has written 2 letters to the girls, the one to the 5 year old was pretty benign but the one to the 10 year old was bad. He explained to her that he has learned so far that his drinking problem is really my fault.These letters were sent to his Mothers house and I wasn't actually supposed to see them. My daughter in law brought them to us here. I realize that the kids are supposed to have communications with their Dad in private but he is not rational at this point and it is my responsibility to monitor his letters, things like that do cause harm and I cannot depend on him to do the rifght thing.

 

[bononos again]

My next step will be to go to the courthouse after they re open from the ice storm and get a copy of the original decree. Hopefully tomorrow or Friday, I will re-post then.

I'd be filing to change Custody to no overnights and supervised only based on the 14 DUI's.
I can't believe he has EVERY weekend with 14!!!!

 

[BL]

That does bring up another issue. He has written 2 letters to the girls, the one to the 5 year old was pretty benign but the one to the 10 year old was bad. He explained to her that he has learned so far that his drinking problem is really my fault.These letters were sent to his Mothers house and I wasn't actually supposed to see them. My daughter in law brought them to us here. I realize that the kids are supposed to have communications with their Dad in private but he is not rational at this point and it is my responsibility to monitor his letters, things like that do cause harm and I cannot depend on him to do the rifght thing.

He has no business writing a letter to a 10 y/o making that statement .

If I were you , I'd make a copy and send it to his one on one councilor , and indicate this is NOT appropriate and to council him on it .

Having said that , it is very possible ( remember we don't know you, Dad , the children , or the circumstances ) , that he has been told the issues between you and him have contributed to his alcohol abuse , by the staff there .

Having said that , he also has been told ( I'm sure ) that he has to take responsibility for his actions and NOT to pick up an alcoholic drink again , and remain abstinate .

 

[Indiana Filer]

Do you have a Guardian Ad Litem appointed for the children? If not, next time you are in Court, request one to be appointed.

 

[aap1965]

A GAL is a good idea, during the divorce one was appointed but we ended up coming to an agreement without her which was good as her husband happens to be Grandmas attorney. Would that be considered conflict of interest?

 

[Indiana Filer]

A GAL is a good idea, during the divorce one was appointed but we ended up coming to an agreement without her which was good as her husband happens to be Grandmas attorney. Would that be considered conflict of interest?

I can't give any further advice in this case just to ensure absolutely no conflict of interest.

Sorry. Rely on the others for the advice you need.

 

[Ohiogal]

A GAL is a good idea, during the divorce one was appointed but we ended up coming to an agreement without her which was good as her husband happens to be Grandmas attorney. Would that be considered conflict of interest?

It would NOT necessarily be a Conflict of Interest.

 

[aap1965]

O here is the update on what has happened so far. My ex has called no less than 57 times since Tuesday demanding that I bring the girls to his Mothers house so that she can utilize his visitation time and then that I pick them up on Sunday. He says that she can drive the grls the 30 miles to his rehab in the snow and ice (at age 75) (while on pain killers for recent hip replacement surgery) but she cannot be expected to return the kids to me Sunday night. I have told him that I do not wish to set a precedent by allowing her to have his visitation, that I don't think rehab is a great place for the girls to be, and that when he comes home after completing the program normal visitation can resume. According to the divorce settlement a third party agreed upon by both parents can pick up the kids for visitation but that the parent should make every effort to handle transportation.

Indiana Filer I thank you for your advise so far it seems you may be pretty close to our little burgh here in SO Indiana. No conflict so far

 

[Silverplum]

O here is the update on what has happened so far. My ex has called no less than 57 times since Tuesday demanding that I bring the girls to his Mothers house so that she can utilize his visitation time and then that I pick them up on Sunday. He says that she can drive the grls the 30 miles to his rehab in the snow and ice (at age 75) (while on pain killers for recent hip replacement surgery) but she cannot be expected to return the kids to me Sunday night. I have told him that I do not wish to set a precedent by allowing her to have his visitation, that I don't think rehab is a great place for the girls to be, and that when he comes home after completing the program normal visitation can resume. According to the divorce settlement a third party agreed upon by both parents can pick up the kids for visitation but that the parent should make every effort to handle transportation.
Indiana Filer I thank you for your advise so far it seems you may be pretty close to our little burgh here in SO Indiana. No conflict so far

Regarding the bolded: I think you were going to get your court orders out to make absolutely sure of the wording, correct?
IF that's the wording, then you can likely refuse to allow Grandma to drive, simply on the basis that you do not agree.
To completely CYA, you could suggest someone else. But I don't think that's necessary.

Also, to make sure you understand -- no advisor here was uncaring about how much of a mess Dad currently has made of himself, and of how that affects his/your children. We just want to make sure you understood the subtleties of your order, so you could protect yourself legally.

 

[aap1965]

That was the wording of the settlement and oddly enough having grown up in a family where My Mother (G-d rest her soul) was an estates and trusts attorney, my uncle and my sis-in -law are both attorneys although environmental law is their area of practice I am used to having to be succinct in my wording and thick skinned for the responses. I was cross-examined during my whole teen aged years and rarely won!!! I greatly appreciate the help from the members of this forum and even though I didn't get a lot of sympathy for my plight I also (as far as I know) wasn't on a site for sympathy but for legal advise. Trust me my friends give me all of the emotional supportI need right now but the Judge presiding over all of this really could care less about how I or my friends feel. Thanks again forum, straight talk is what I need!

 

[Silverplum]

We might have to take up hugging after all. But only in extreme cases, such as this.

That was the wording of the settlement and oddly enough having grown up in a family where My Mother (G-d rest her soul) was an estates and trusts attorney, my uncle and my sis-in -law are both attorneys although environmental law is their area of practice I am used to having to be succinct in my wording and thick skinned for the responses. I was cross-examined during my whole teen aged years and rarely won!!! I greatly appreciate the help from the members of this forum and even though I didn't get a lot of sympathy for my plight I also (as far as I know) wasn't on a site for sympathy but for legal advise. Trust me my friends give me all of the emotional supportI need right now but the Judge presiding over all of this really could care less about how I or my friends feel. Thanks again forum, straight talk is what I need!

You're quite welcome!!

 

[aap1965]

New Update OR I feel vindicated!!

Grandma just showed up with the Sheriff (Sherrif?) Sherriff and said that I was not allowing her her visitation with the kids, I just happened to have a copy of my divorce orders in front of me (thank you very much panel!) and no where was it stated that she had any rights to the kids visitation time but get this, she had a note fromn the ex stating that he wanted her to have his time. The Sherriff deputy kind of snickered and told her to go home and if the ex wanted visitation he was welcome to come and get the girls in person. What Grandma didn't know but I learned right after she left was that he was the arresting officer for the last 2 DUI's. This has been such a pain in the a** and I realize that taking pleasure in this was childish but on the other hand I have a smile a big big smile on my face right now.

BTW I apologize for misspelling advice in the last few posts advice advice advice