visitation rights - restraining order involved

[OhReally?]

I allowed contact between him and I - which, I admit, was stupid.

And ILLEGAL! You've just created a potential HUGE legal dilemma for yourself. You could be held in contempt.

 

[OhReally?]

I'm not sure what the law in N.J. is, but having had a restraining order on my own ex years ago, I know that in Ca if I had called the cops, he would have been arrested for violating the restraining order. Check with your local police about what their policy is. As far as your visitation, I recommend you make a modification to visitation through the local courts to request every other weekend for you and for dad. You may get to explain to the judge, or even a mediator, why you would like time on the weekends. As your daughter gets older it will make a difference to have weekend time with both parents.Make sure you document everything. From his verbal threat to how the visits went, to who was there. You can never go wrong with documenting everything. Who knows, it may be used in court if things get uglier. If dad's mom is there I wouldn't think dad is out to kidnap her. He may not like you very much, but I don't think he'd hurt his own flesh. I could be wrong though. I think dad knows its a control for you and he's taking advantage of it. You know, with any request you make to the courts, the respondent can make the same request. Was he not ordered to go to counseling and or a treatment program for the physical abuse under the restraining order hearing?

I didn't bother reading through all of this because it was just getting ridiculous, but the OP created a huge problem when SHE decided to violate the order. What she would like and all that crap pretty much is tossed to the side when she decided to violate the order. Another example of why newbies who come here for advice should not be attempting to dispense it.

 

[OhReally?]

The judge simply stated that it was the best interest of the child to see her father as much as possible (which, at the time, I agreed to, because he wasn't as threatening as he is now...). It was a very quick proceeding, because at the time, we were much more amicable than we are now.

And him treating you like crap does NOT mean he'll treat the kid(s) that way. That's a fact. Whether or not you "agree" to the time he has with his kids because of how he treats YOU is irrelevant.

 

[wileybunch]

I'm not to have any physical contact with him. So there is always a need for a transfer person.

So his mom was always that person and she's notified you she isn't willing to be the transfer person any more? Have you made arrangements for a new transfer person? You're going to need to be proactive on that so that you don't get into a situation of denying dad his visitation time.

 

[bozzy1030]

So his mom was always that person and she's notified you she isn't willing to be the transfer person any more? Have you made arrangements for a new transfer person? You're going to need to be proactive on that so that you don't get into a situation of denying dad his visitation time.

I have suggested meeting at the local police station instead, if his mother is unwilling to transfer. He refuses. He wants me to meet at his place, which is in a town I never go to, and it's 30 miles north of his mother's house. I don't know the area, and I'm pretty sure it'd put me in danger. There would not be a transfer person, and I would have to face him personally.

And, yes, I realize not sticking to the terms of the order n the first place was not an intelligent thing to do. At the time, he was not being violent or threatening. It's a part of the pattern I should have recognized, as a victim of domestic abuse, but I didn't. I understand that he has a right to see his child, but I also have a right not to be physically or verbally abused anymore - coerced or threatened into having to see him. Like I said, the visitation was part of the original restraining order. What I want to know is how I can keep *myself* out of harm's way while still maintaining his visitation. Do I just need to amend the whole thing again?

 

[Silverplum]

Judge heard no evidence. Before the order, he had been getting her on weekends as I worked weekends at the time and he didn't. The judge simply stated that it was the best interest of the child to see her father as much as possible (which, at the time, I agreed to, because he wasn't as threatening as he is now...). It was a very quick proceeding, because at the time, we were much more amicable than we are now. Now that he's seen I've moved on (I'm pregnant) and happy without him, he's gone off the deep end a bit.

As for the change of circumstances, I have been leaving back at home with my parents and will be moving in with my boyfriend by the end of June. My parents will have no opportunity to see her because they work during the week.
Sorry if I'm not making this all clear...

Your moving, your parents, your boyfriend: all irrelevant. All have nothing to do with custody, visitation, nothing.

Your changed work schedule could be a change of circumstances, only because you were never seeing your child on the weekend and are not working weekends now...but as Ld wrote, if you aren't working full time, there is no change for modification.