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Visitation rights of separated parents.

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Grammyof4

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My daughter is separated from her husband and has filed for divorce. He is a veteran suffering from PTSD & a TBI(traumatic brain injury), who is also an alcoholic. He is unstable and denies needing help.

He was mentally abusing my daughter, constantly accusing her of cheating. He even piled furniture in front of the doors so she "couldn't sneak out" while he was sleeping.

When she first left him, he was stalking her. Luckily she was staying with her father and me.

That stopped and we were allowing him to come to our house to see the boys (my daughter has an older son from another man) but something happened and he was asked to leave our house.

My husband texted him, after trying to call him, and told him that he needs to call so they could work something out(meet at a park) so he could see the boys. He never answered by text or phone call.

7/21 was their sons birthday and after over a month of no communication he texts and says he wants to see his son for his birthday.

The boys have just stopped asking about him and their behavior is returning to normal.
We already had plans and told him we were busy all weekend so it would have to be Monday, him asking last minute and all. We are reluctant to allow him to see them due to the whole situation.

What I want to know is, can my daughter deny him visitation until they go to court for the divorce?

What are her legal rights? What are his?

Thank you!
 


Just Blue

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My daughter is separated from her husband and has filed for divorce. He is a veteran suffering from PTSD & a TBI(traumatic brain injury), who is also an alcoholic. He is unstable and denies needing help.

He was mentally abusing my daughter, constantly accusing her of cheating. He even piled furniture in front of the doors so she "couldn't sneak out" while he was sleeping.

When she first left him, he was stalking her. Luckily she was staying with her father and me.

That stopped and we were allowing him to come to our house to see the boys (my daughter has an older son from another man) but something happened and he was asked to leave our house.

My husband texted him, after trying to call him, and told him that he needs to call so they could work something out(meet at a park) so he could see the boys. He never answered by text or phone call.

7/21 was their sons birthday and after over a month of no communication he texts and says he wants to see his son for his birthday.

The boys have just stopped asking about him and their behavior is returning to normal.
We already had plans and told him we were busy all weekend so it would have to be Monday, him asking last minute and all. We are reluctant to allow him to see them due to the whole situation.

What I want to know is, can my daughter deny him visitation until they go to court for the divorce?

What are her legal rights? What are his?

Thank you!
Your daughter should post for herself.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
There is no "we" in this, Granny. "We" don't dare to deny a father time with his child. You are just granny, not a parent.

Butt the heck out.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My daughter is separated from her husband and has filed for divorce. He is a veteran suffering from PTSD & a TBI(traumatic brain injury), who is also an alcoholic. He is unstable and denies needing help.

He was mentally abusing my daughter, constantly accusing her of cheating. He even piled furniture in front of the doors so she "couldn't sneak out" while he was sleeping.

When she first left him, he was stalking her. Luckily she was staying with her father and me.

That stopped and we were allowing him to come to our house to see the boys (my daughter has an older son from another man) but something happened and he was asked to leave our house.

My husband texted him, after trying to call him, and told him that he needs to call so they could work something out(meet at a park) so he could see the boys. He never answered by text or phone call.

7/21 was their sons birthday and after over a month of no communication he texts and says he wants to see his son for his birthday.

The boys have just stopped asking about him and their behavior is returning to normal.
We already had plans and told him we were busy all weekend so it would have to be Monday, him asking last minute and all. We are reluctant to allow him to see them due to the whole situation.

What I want to know is, can my daughter deny him visitation until they go to court for the divorce?

What are her legal rights? What are his?

Thank you!
Because they were married, they have equal legal rights to their mutual child (but not her child from a previous relationship unless he adopted that child). Because they have equal legal rights either one of them could technically keep the child from the other parent, but it would not be wise to do that. It would be wiser to allow contact between the child and parent. Otherwise it could look bad in court. The only exception to that is if it honestly and truly would not be physically safe for the child, and there is documentation to back that up.

If he really has documented PTSD and TBI then of course keeping the contact between him and the child as supervised is probably wise. However, you and grandpa need to stop attempting to run the show and let mom handle it, unless mom would actually be in physical danger attempting to supervise visitation.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I read the rules, it didn't say anything about that. Just to be honest about who you are and what you post.
While this is true, the majority of the volunteers prefer to deal with an actual legal party involved, in this case your daughter. There are likely question that you will not have the answers to, and we really prefer to avoid the old "Telephone" game.

Thank you.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My daughter is separated from her husband and has filed for divorce. He is a veteran suffering from PTSD & a TBI(traumatic brain injury), who is also an alcoholic. He is unstable and denies needing help.

He was mentally abusing my daughter, constantly accusing her of cheating. He even piled furniture in front of the doors so she "couldn't sneak out" while he was sleeping.

When she first left him, he was stalking her. Luckily she was staying with her father and me.

That stopped and we were allowing him to come to our house to see the boys (my daughter has an older son from another man) but something happened and he was asked to leave our house.

My husband texted him, after trying to call him, and told him that he needs to call so they could work something out(meet at a park) so he could see the boys. He never answered by text or phone call.

7/21 was their sons birthday and after over a month of no communication he texts and says he wants to see his son for his birthday.

The boys have just stopped asking about him and their behavior is returning to normal.
We already had plans and told him we were busy all weekend so it would have to be Monday, him asking last minute and all. We are reluctant to allow him to see them due to the whole situation.

What I want to know is, can my daughter deny him visitation until they go to court for the divorce?

What are her legal rights? What are his?

Thank you!
YOU have no rights in this. Dad stands equal with your daughter in regards to his child. YOU need to butt out. your feelings don't matter. What evidence does your daughter have about the stalking or ANYTHING? Your daughter needs to deal with the father of her child and he has every right to see HIS child. Your daughter denying him can definitely work against your daughter. Especially if she doesn't have evidence of anything.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
YOU have no rights in this. Dad stands equal with your daughter in regards to his child. YOU need to butt out. your feelings don't matter. What evidence does your daughter have about the stalking or ANYTHING? Your daughter needs to deal with the father of her child and he has every right to see HIS child. Your daughter denying him can definitely work against your daughter. Especially if she doesn't have evidence of anything.
OG, I do not disagree with you at all but since dad apparently has both PTSD and TBI...which is apparently documented its not a standard, "golden uterus/interfering grandparents" situation. Children are not safe alone with someone who has both PTSD and TBI. No one is, really. Those two things combined are pretty darned serious.
 

I'mTheFather

Senior Member
OG, I do not disagree with you at all but since dad apparently has both PTSD and TBI...which is apparently documented its not a standard, "golden uterus/interfering grandparents" situation. Children are not safe alone with someone who has both PTSD and TBI. No one is, really. Those two things combined are pretty darned serious.
That quote right there is a gross generalization and simply not true in the majority of cases.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
That quote right there is a gross generalization and simply not true in the majority of cases.
I completely disagree with you. PTSD by itself is iffy. A TBI by itself is iffy, the two combined is very serious. Serious enough that I certainly don't want to be responsible for advising a parent not to protect their children.
 

I'mTheFather

Senior Member
I completely disagree with you. PTSD by itself is iffy. A TBI by itself is iffy, the two combined is very serious. Serious enough that I certainly don't want to be responsible for advising a parent not to protect their children.
Again, wrong. PTSD, and even TBI, do not present with a single set of symptoms common to all sufferers. To suggest otherwise, or to advise based on that erroneous assumption, is irresponsible and uninformed.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Again, wrong. PTSD, and even TBI, do not present with a single set of symptoms common to all sufferers. To suggest otherwise, or to advise based on that erroneous assumption, is irresponsible and uninformed.
Of course they do not present with a single set of symptoms...when was THAT ever in question? What I am saying is that the situation is serious enough that it requires some investigation and consideration and protecting the children in the meantime is wise.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Again, wrong. PTSD, and even TBI, do not present with a single set of symptoms common to all sufferers. To suggest otherwise, or to advise based on that erroneous assumption, is irresponsible and uninformed.
Agreed. 100% agreed.

It saddens me that there is still such a huge stigma attached to both diagnoses and I think, as a whole, we as a society are very guilty of scaremongering.

The responsible thing to do (in my eyes at least) would be to make absolutely no assumptions at all and let the professionals evaluate the entire situation.

We're doing the parents a grave disservice if we do jump to conclusions in this situation; there is no black and white here at all. None. This goes beyond the scope of an internet forum.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
Of course they do not present with a single set of symptoms...when was THAT ever in question? What I am saying is that the situation is serious enough that it requires some investigation and consideration and protecting the children in the meantime is wise.
But that's not really what you said.

This is what you said:

Children are not safe alone with someone who has both PTSD and TBI. No one is, really. Those two things combined are pretty darned serious.
Those two posts are not the same at all.
 

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