Visitation Say for a 15 year old

[BM14]

What is the name of your state? California

Hello, I am hoping that someone can help me...

I have a soon to be 15 year old son who can't stand his father. I know that sounds harsh, but the ex is a hard core alcoholic who has put us through hell for the last 15 years. We have been divorced 8 years, and as expected, being divorced from the man was worse than being married to him.

When he is drunk, it is bad enought, but when sober, all hell breaks loose. He is very controlling and things have to be his way. I have accomodated him for the last 8 years just to make things easier for my son and me.

He has never really been involved in the kid's life. I have documented every second he has spent with our son, and it averages only 18-20 hours a year (his best year was 153 hours). He has the traditional EOW visitation set up in our divorce order.

Now here is the problem. He has decided that now since he is in another sober phase, that he wants to start taking his EOW visitation, and ever alternate week in the summer. The kid is having fits over this to the point of even seeing a school conselor to help him deal with the stress.

I have tried to talk with the ex about this and to set up a meeting with all three of us to try and come up with a solution to this visitation problem. He refused to talk to me and said he would only talk to the son. Instead of doing that, he scheduled us for mediation.

The ex tells the kid when he says he dosn't want to be around him that he doesn't know what he wants. He also has a problem with him doing his schoolwork around him and takes the books and locks them in his car. He has also told the kid that he will not be allowed to do homework at his house. He will have to go to the library. Last week he told him he was one "f--ked up kid!" because he didn't want to hang out at the mall with him.

We have all had enough of this now. The kid has told me that he would prefer to go to jail rather than spent any more time with him. He feels the company would be better. I am still making him see him at least once a weekend just to keep the peace until this mediation thing is over and I can file an OSC.

Here is my question...what do you think the chances are of my son being granted visitation of only 1 day a month (9-3) if we go to court? I do have calendars dating back to 1999 showing that he has never spent more than the 18 hours with him. In addition, he is also over $26,000 in arrears for CS, and an additional $10,000 for his extra expenses.What is the name of your state?

[Ithildriel]

If you have documentation of his past parenting time, and reports from a counselor backing up that it is stressful for the teenager, then I believe your son has a shot in being heard in regards to a reduction in visitation time. No gaurantees, a local attorney could get you a feel for whether or not the judge(s) in your area would give your son's request credence. Good luck!

PS. Your son does need to understand that it is you that would go to jail for contempt if he doesn't visit, not him.

[BM14]

When he has wanted to know why I am forcing his to see ex, I have made it clear to him that I would be the one going to jail, not him.

How much say do judges give 15 year olds?

[Mbarr77]

This may more so be advice than legal advice but just a few things...When is your mediation scheduled? One thing you may want to do prior to the evaluation is have your son go to an independant counselor to speak with them, instead of the school counselor. The reason I say this is because school couselors are usually VERY hesistant to get involved in legal matters between parents, so they may not be willing to write a report for you in regards to your sons desire to not see the father, nor what they feel would be best. Where as an independant counselor would.

Also, no matter how much you dislike your ex make sure that when you go into mediation you present yourself as coming from a point of wanting what is in your childs best interest. Present your paperwork in a manner where you get your point across without having to talk down or bad about dad.

[Mbarr77]

Originally Posted by BM14

When he has wanted to know why I am forcing his to see ex, I have made it clear to him that I would be the one going to jail, not him.

How much say do judges give 15 year olds?

There is no way to say how much weight the judge will give your sons wishes. Legally, at eighteen a child can decide for himself. Your son may have a better chance of being heard if he presents himself as a mature child, and not an angry child. Make sure he is prepared, and knows that he needs to stay calm and rational. It is often hard for children to relay their feelings without coming across as being just angry. Especially in these matters. Just a word of

[BM14]

My mediation hearing is next month. I have already told the son to stop telling the ex how much he can't stand him and how he doesn't consider him his father. Just to keep his mouth shut. He also knows not to spout off to the mediator about this. He is simply to tell him/her how he feels about the visitation and why, and not to include how much he doesn't like the dad.

In addition to everything else, the ex has said that he is going to claim parental alienation because the kid doesn't want anything to do with him. Of course it could not be for anything he has done to the kid, only my influence.

[Mbarr77]

Originally Posted by BM14

My mediation hearing is next month. I have already told the son to stop telling the ex how much he can't stand him and how he doesn't consider him his father. Just to keep his mouth shut. He also knows not to spout off to the mediator about this. He is simply to tell him/her how he feels about the visitation and why, and not to include how much he doesn't like the dad.

In addition to everything else, the ex has said that he is going to claim parental alienation because the kid doesn't want anything to do with him. Of course it could not be for anything he has done to the kid, only my influence.

Parental Alienation can be hard to prove..Have you denied visitations? Does he have any proof of you trying to discourage the child at all from seeing his dad? have you done everything within your power to forge a relatioship between the dad and son? Go to [url]www.deltabravo.net[/url] and select article guide..Then type in parental alienation. This has tons of good articles on what it is, it's prevelance in custody issues, and anything else you may want to know. This is a very helpful site.

[BM14]

I have never denied visitation unless he was drunk (stipulated in divorce decree). Even at those times, I tried to get him to believe that maybe he was a bit too under the weather to deal with a kid (always worked).

I have been the one who has purchased Christmas, Father's Day, and birthday gifts for him and had the child give them to him. Also my husband and I have had to nearly force the kid to call him for these occasions.

My son and I have always been extremely close. I think there is a jealousy thing there. He just can't accept that his behavior could be the reason for the kid's feelings. It is just like he refuses to believe that his drinking played a part in the ending of our marriage. It is always something or someone else's fault.

[Mbarr77]

Originally Posted by BM14

I have never denied visitation unless he was drunk (stipulated in divorce decree). Even at those times, I tried to get him to believe that maybe he was a bit too under the weather to deal with a kid (always worked).

I have been the one who has purchased Christmas, Father's Day, and birthday gifts for him and had the child give them to him. Also my husband and I have had to nearly force the kid to call him for these occasions.

My son and I have always been extremely close. I think there is a jealousy thing there. He just can't accept that his behavior could be the reason for the kid's feelings. It is just like he refuses to believe that his drinking played a part in the ending of our marriage. It is always something or someone else's fault.

Then your and your sons best best is to go to that website provided and read the articles in regards to parental alienation, and mediation and evaluation procedures and be prepared!