Voluntary termination of parental rights

[pthalo]

AND I QUOTE

"The reason why I am considering terminating parental rights is because her father is making my life a living hell and I figured a stable life with all the "turmoil" is what she needed. But I am not going to sit here and blabble on to a bunch of people that would rather assume the worst than just answer a question. I thought this was a Q & A legal advice column. Not a "lets kick her while shes down and out" column."

So the thing that is most important here and you do admit to it is that this is all because YOUR life is a living hell. Sounds like a personal problem not a legal one so back to the legal issue. I may be going out on a limb here but I don't think that you as a mother should or will ever be able to completely sign off on your daughter. WHY? You say nothing about the adoption of your daughter just that you want to send her away.. So go ahead send her to daddy and pull out that checkbook and start writing those child-support checks.. with all of those medications and doctors that she should be seeing with that vast array of psychological problems you might as well start signing checks to dad for your share of the medical expenses too...

WHAT YOU DON"T LIKE ALL THIS TALK OF WRITING CHECKS? then buck up little girl and take care of your child.. this world wasn't made to be easy or fair. every step is a test of your will and your abilities. crumble now and you might as well start writing your epitath becasue you have failed at what life has handed you... keep your chin up and realize that you do have the ability to overcome or this challenge would have never been placed before you..

You wanted advice and I gave it.. If you don't like it then that's really not my fault.. Its just advice.. take it or leave it but for god's sake never leave your child.... (

Note: all references above to god are not to be taken religiously.....

 

[HomeSkillet]

positive response

I'm not going to put you down here but I'm a little confused.
Your posts bring many questions to mind.
First: How does your daughter get along with her father and step mom? Is she happy with them? Has she ever expressed interest in living with them or something like that?
Second: Have you discussed this with her father? What does he say about taking the child? Does he even need the child support? Is he willing to work something out with you about not paying child support right now? Is he privy to your situation about not being able to pay?
Third: Does your daughter have the same behaviors when she is with her father? How does he handle the girl?

You know I understand why everyone is so harsh about this whole thing because it does sound like a pretty bad situation. But did anyone stop and really think about "what's in the best interest" of that child? Nobody has to be a drug addict or prostitute in this scenario. If CHILD O MINE feels that her daughter would be better off with the father and is willing to GIVE the child a better life, then PROPS TO HER!! From what I've read I think it's an honorable decision that is BASED ON THE LOVE OF HER CHILD and an understanding of what might be best. But I'll tell you something, if the girl continues on the same path she's on while in your custody, SHE will end up being the drug addict, prostitute, delinquint.

 

[stealth2]

Here's a hypothetical.

SUppose, for a moment, that this child is not Child O Mine's first (the child with her ex), but her middle child - the firstborn of her current marriage. What is the solution then? There's nowhere else to send her - what does the family do? I'm really searching for a solution here, because I think this sort of abandonment would be worse for the child.

And again - I wonder why the stepMom is now okay, when a few months ago the same poster was having a tizzy over SM taking the kiddo on vacation while Daddy was abroad.

 

[pthalo]

homeskillet: I understand the blind optimism here but you missed the point. she doesn't want what's best for the child.. that was thrown in there as a load of bs. If she wanted what was best and dad's environment was better then child support should be paid, but she can't afford that as she said.... she has other children too and if they aren't the perfect children where will she send them.. she evidently can't afford to pay for the children she has and where is dad's child support money going.. this woman leaves too many open questions and is talking about a drastic measure.. if dad is the better situation, send daughter to dad but as I said before, pull out that check book and start writing your money away to help dad support the child that you are too weak to take the responsibility for.....

 

[HomeSkillet]

You are right, but when I read the post about not wanting the child to go on vacation with stepmom, it seemed more like jealousy than fear. I wonder if CHILD O MINE is jealous that stepmom has the MEANS of taking the child on vacation while she does not. Or maybe she's just plain jealous of the step mom's relationship with the child? It happens, everyone is human.

ok, so WHAT IS the stepmom's relationship with the child? That's a fair question. How long has she know the child? How often does she see the child? How does she treat the child? How does the child feel about her?

I might wonder about the birth order too if child o mine didn't already say that the father and step mom have some visitation. obviously the child isn't of the current marriage right? I agree that the child should NOT be abandonded. But is it so bad to send her to the father and step mother if the child would be happier and the mother would be less stressed and both families would benefit? I don't think child o mine wants to give up on the child completely. I could be wrong-have been in the past!

 

[HomeSkillet]

pthalo: you are right! totally! she should continue to support the child in any way possible. She should be prepared to do so too. I would LOVE to hear what the father has to say here. He might be willing and able to support the child without child support from the mom. There ARE fathers out there who would JUMP at the chance to have custody of their children but the courts continue to side with the mother. Who knows. Maybe Child O Mine will fill us in????

I'm sorry that I'm such a "blind optimist". It's a bad habit, I know!

 

[pthalo]

she said that she wants to voluntarily terminate her rights.. thats it thats the whole thing.. she has no responsibility or rights to see hear touch or anything about this child again... if you can't see that this is giving up on a child then you really need to wake up

need to pay or not what father as a non-custodial parent is not required to pay support even if mom is rich OCS comes after dad.. there's another bias in the system that mom needs the money but dad can make it on his own... F*CK That.....

 

[HomeSkillet]

You know, I have another question. The deeper I read into this the more interested I become.
What was this "extended visitation" that occurred way back when step mom had the girl? Why was is "extended"? Especially if the father was out of the country? Has this mom given up once already? Is this the second time? Or third? When does it become too much giving up so that the courts TAKE the child?

So that's more than one question. I have a curious mind.

 

[pthalo]

the question in my opinion would be what is mom's idea of extended visitation.. my ex told me that she thinks 3 days is extended... come on mom's don't you see some kind of inequity in your behavior and reasoning..

 

[HomeSkillet]

What is this mom's idea of anything really? In this case, it may not be based in reality! She seems pretty unstable.

 

[Whyte Noise]

As for the "extended visitation" definition, I would consider the 3 months I have my children during the summer as extended. The only reference I could find for a legal definition of what defined it was this one from North Dakota...

"Admin. Code § 75-02-04.1-08.1(1), extended visitation is defined as "visitation between an obligor and a child living with an obligee scheduled by court order to exceed sixty of ninety consecutive nights or an annual total of one hundred sixty-four nights." (This definition was one for CS calculations, hence the terms obligor and obligee. I'd just change those to CP and NCP.) So, if I read right, according to this..... if 60 consecutive nights out of 90 consecutive nights are spent with the NCP, (obligor) then it's considered extended visitation.

 

[kidoday]

In Michigan the "magical" amount of extended days the NCP spends with their children is 128. This will allow any NCP a reduction of CS of almost 50% if the parenting time recommendation from the FOC equals or exceeds 128 days. It does not matter if the NCP actually spends 128 days or more with the children their CS is automatically reduced by almost half.

 

[pthalo]

MG you may just be my hero.. how did you get the courts to order 3 months over the summer and at what age did that start.. I will need this information in court if it is documented. this would be a life saver as I have said that my son's mom thinks that three days is extended and 10 weeks would constitute the end of her life....

 

[CMSC]

I am not all for parents not taking on responsibility BUT if this poster is so convinced this is the child from hell then I think the poster should terminate her rights! A child doesn't need a parent like this!

 

[stealth2]

MG you may just be my hero.. how did you get the courts to order 3 months over the summer and at what age did that start.. I will need this information in court if it is documented. this would be a life saver as I have said that my son's mom thinks that three days is extended and 10 weeks would constitute the end of her life....

My ex has our kids for the whole summer minus 2 weeks. And he wants to extend it so that he gets them from the day school lets out, until the day before it begins. That's on top of every long w/e and a minimum of half their vacations during the school year.