Child O Mine, I take it that you are overseas since you made the comment about her going across 10 states and an ocean twice a year for visitation to her father.
Listen to what I'm about to tell you.... No one makes your life hell unless you LET them. You have to allow him to do it in order for it to happen. Simply hang up the phone. It's kind of hard to have an argument with just one person involved in it. He doesn't want to pay half of her karate lessons? Fine. You pay it all. After all, if it's not in the court order, he is not obligated to do it, and it was you (not the both of you) that made the decision to put her in karate.
I'm not talking out of my ass here. I don't have custody of my three children. I agreed to let their father have them because he can and does provide a stable home for them. He's had the same job for 3 years, makes damn good money at it, they have stability. And as hard as it is for me to admit, they would not have that if they were with me. I did what was best for them, and that was agreeing to give their father custody. BUT, I never... not once.... considered giving up my parental rights. THAT'S what we are all so up in arms about here. Not the fact that you feel it's in her best interest to go live with her dad, but the fact that you want to sign over all your rights as her mother. And to be honest with you, you still have not said WHY it's in her best interest to go there. Nothing you've said in any of your posts address that issue. She "does good" when she's with them. (Of course she does, it's a visit. Dad can give the moon and stars and she'll take it all.) Dad's wife is a teacher. (So...?? There arent teachers at her current school that tutor if someone needs extra instruction?) Dad isn't in the military anymore and can be there with her all the time. (Yeah, after school during the week, and all day on Saturday and Sunday. Is this any different than your schedule with her?) See what I'm saying?
You say he is a good dad. Does a good dad use their child like he's been doing?? " The other day I asked for help to pay for Karate classes for her because I thought a physical extracurricular activity would do her good. But the classes cost $210. He told me he would not help to pay for them because I never offered to pay for any activities they put her in when she visits over the summer. LAst year she begged him for soccer cleats, but because I put her in Soccer he refused to help her out. All this is to upset me but she feels it too." "Sure, they make me seem like the scum of the earth when they talk about me to her, to the point where she doesn't want to talk to me when I call, BUT I DON"T CARE ABOUT ME!! I want whats best for her" And what about these statements of the way her father acts makes you think it's in her best interest to send her there? Refusing to pay for her cleats simply because YOU signed her up for it and not him?? How childish is that?? They run you in the ground and make you out to be Satan himself, but this is in her best interest? You said that there are so many people that use their children as pawns to get back at their ex, and that's something you would never do. Can't you see that's just what he's doing?? Her being there with him, and having him degrade you like he does is in her best interest? No, it's not. Seems to me like dad has some control issues, and he's using her as a way to still control you. That's sad. *childish whiney voice* "You signed her up for soccer? Then I'm not paying for her cleats... just to get back at YOU. If it had been me, then I'd buy them, but since you did it, I'm not paying. HA HA!!! That'll show YOU!" But who really suffered? Not you.... your daughter. I don't see how any of this is in her best interest.
But anyways.... giving him custody is one thing. Totally signing over your parental rights is another. You'll never again have the right to talk to her. Never again have the right to see her. Never again have the right to go to any of her sports or school events. Never again have the right to call her up on the phone, or have her call you. Never again have the right to be called if something should happen to her, like an accident. Never again have the right to make any decisions at all concerning her. Is that what you want? Because if you sign over your rights, that's what you'll have to deal with. And if you DO sign them over, you'll still have to pay child support for this child you have no rights to anymore unless her stepmom adopts her. CS is figured on the incomes of both parents, a percentage assigned to each parent, and you pay the guideline amount for Oklahoma. Nope, you can't just "send what you can" at the end of the month. You don't pay the court ordered amount, you can go to jail.
