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want custody of 2 little girls

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vvianmar

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?CA. I have 2 girls,7 and 8 1/2. I would like to know if I could get the custody of them since their father has never sent them any child support for them in 4 years. I am married and my husband is the one that takes care of them .my 7 years old girl is autistic and she requires alot of help,help he ahs never offered. last October (2004) my ex said he was close by and wanted to see them. I told him I thought it was better for him to build a relationship with phone calls, cards, emails and of course money from his part to see them. I said to him "show them that you care for them before you just present yourself saying"Hi ,I'm daddy". I even said they had a break from therapy and school in March and after at least 5 months of showing his care he could come no problem and show them his new family if he wanted too( he has remarried too and has too kids,one of them is not even his, but his wife's from a previous relationship).Of course he didn't do anything. All he wanted to do was see them without any kind of responsability. I called him today to ask him for the sole custody of the girls and he refuses. He says is not the right thing for him to do.I don't understand how can he say that since he just told me today that his 2 yeaar old daughter had an accident and because he doesn't have medical insurance he had to pay 1200 dollar in the hospital. My autistic kid requires a lot of medicines, doctor visits and therapies. The thought of them(my girls )going to live with him in case something happens to me scares me. Is there a chance that I can get the girls custody and my husband adopt them? and if asking for child support, would my husband's income be involved since I don't work? I can't work because I have to take care 24/7 of my kid. My ex lives in Texas.
 


casa

Senior Member
vvianmar said:
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?CA. I have 2 girls,7 and 8 1/2. I would like to know if I could get the custody of them since their father has never sent them any child support for them in 4 years. I am married and my husband is the one that takes care of them .my 7 years old girl is autistic and she requires alot of help,help he ahs never offered. last October (2004) my ex said he was close by and wanted to see them. I told him I thought it was better for him to build a relationship with phone calls, cards, emails and of course money from his part to see them. I said to him "show them that you care for them before you just present yourself saying"Hi ,I'm daddy". I even said they had a break from therapy and school in March and after at least 5 months of showing his care he could come no problem and show them his new family if he wanted too( he has remarried too and has too kids,one of them is not even his, but his wife's from a previous relationship).Of course he didn't do anything. All he wanted to do was see them without any kind of responsability. I called him today to ask him for the sole custody of the girls and he refuses. He says is not the right thing for him to do.I don't understand how can he say that since he just told me today that his 2 yeaar old daughter had an accident and because he doesn't have medical insurance he had to pay 1200 dollar in the hospital. My autistic kid requires a lot of medicines, doctor visits and therapies. The thought of them(my girls )going to live with him in case something happens to me scares me. Is there a chance that I can get the girls custody and my husband adopt them? and if asking for child support, would my husband's income be involved since I don't work? I can't work because I have to take care 24/7 of my kid. My ex lives in Texas.
You already have custody, the girls live with you- if father were to try to take custody, he'd never be able to due to lack of contact etc.

When was the last time the father had visitation with the girls? It's possible that enough time has gone by with no contact and no support that the situation meets the requirements of 'abandonment' per CA Family Law Code. It's worth a consult with an attorney. If you can Terminate father's Parental Rights due to abandonment- and stepdad is willing to adopt the girls...that is the only way you'll be assured they stay in stepdad's care in the event anything should happen to you. However, if father wants to fight in court, it could get costly- even if you are fairly sure you'd win.

If you never established a court order for child support- then the father is not legally obligated to give you any. If you did establish a child support order- then you need to turn your information in to Child Support Enforcement.
 

CJane

Senior Member
casa said:
When was the last time the father had visitation with the girls? It's possible that enough time has gone by with no contact and no support that the situation meets the requirements of 'abandonment' per CA Family Law Code.
How would this work though since dad requested visitation and mom refused it? He attempted contact, correct?
 

casa

Senior Member
CJane said:
How would this work though since dad requested visitation and mom refused it? He attempted contact, correct?
Dad requested (& didn't follow through with) visitation in Oct. 2004. It has been an entire year with no child support and no contact.

It was OP (mother) who recently contacted the father re; wanting 'sole' custody- which she doesn't understand, as that won't change or help any part of her issue- and so it was she contacting Dad, and not Dad contacting girls.
 

CJane

Senior Member
casa said:
Dad requested (& didn't follow through with) visitation in Oct. 2004. It has been an entire year with no child support and no contact.

It was OP (mother) who recently contacted the father re; wanting 'sole' custody- which she doesn't understand, as that won't change or help any part of her issue- and so it was she contacting Dad, and not Dad contacting girls.

I realize it's been a year, and that would most likely constitute abandonment. I'm just wondering how it would play out in court if dad said "I tried to see them, and she told me the only way I could visit is if I gave her money for 5 months first."

Mom makes no mention of a court order re: visitation, who lives where, who created the distance, etc.

Mom mentions that dad hasn't paid child support in 4 years - but apparently he wasn't ordered to. Again, I know that he hasn't attempted to see the kids in a year, according to mom, but we don't know if he had contact with them prior to that but during the 4 years.

Maybe I'm being overly cynical today, but I get the feeling something is being left out.
 

casa

Senior Member
CJane said:
I realize it's been a year, and that would most likely constitute abandonment. I'm just wondering how it would play out in court if dad said "I tried to see them, and she told me the only way I could visit is if I gave her money for 5 months first."

Mom makes no mention of a court order re: visitation, who lives where, who created the distance, etc.

Mom mentions that dad hasn't paid child support in 4 years - but apparently he wasn't ordered to. Again, I know that he hasn't attempted to see the kids in a year, according to mom, but we don't know if he had contact with them prior to that but during the 4 years.

Maybe I'm being overly cynical today, but I get the feeling something is being left out.
Mom didn't deny the dad visitation- she explained the children didn't know him and she wanted him to re-integrate with communication first. She mentioned phone calls, cards, emails also...not just support. In any event, he didn't file for denial of visitation or establish an order for visitation...and when Mom told him of what she believed he should do- he decided to do nothing. So for whatever reason, he has not seen the children or asked for visitation in at lease one year.

Maybe something is being left out...usually there is something left out. :cool: lol But at this point- we can only go on what the OP is telling us.

BTW~ I'm not saying I agree with what OP wants. I, myself have a child who's father was absent with no contact or support for a number of years...and when he showed back up, we just moved forward with therapy and visitations etc. They have an important relationship today- but Dad had to grow up first and realize what he was missing. Some mothers are patient &/or able to wait and hope for that~ others choose not to.
 

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