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ResearchMamaTea

Junior Member
This is coming from the state of Arkansas. I am an unwed mother of a now 2 year old child. Currently his father and I are realizing that we are unable to live together any longer. Since our child was born, things in the home have increasingly worsened. To avoid going into too many details and create a lengthy post, essentially I have financially, emotionally, physically and mentally been the primary caregiver of our child since January 2015. I know this because that's when I decided I was no longer going to share finances with my significant other after starting my new job. Even after my job suddenly ended (which I knew would happen and was prepared for) I have still been the sole provider for myself and my child.

I have bailed him out of jail twice, paid for his fines and fees because of a DUI from 4 years ago (he still has the Interlock device on his vehicle), supplemented for his inability to pay even half of our cost of living, offered to take him to CA with us to visit his and my family (which he rejected, but instead requested the funds for the offer so that he could instead go to Ireland with his best friend). This year, when my job ended, I was still able to cover my expenses (including my child), whereas he was still unable to do so.

Throughout all of this, he has been able to maintain his substance abuse. He is a self-proclaimed alcoholic. He requires anxiety medication (Xanax, which he is prescribed), pain medication (while he sometimes has prescribed or gets from elsewhere), and has been more emotionally, mentally, and nearly physically abusive. He has told me that he will eventually "manipulate our child into hating me," that he hates me, dreads my coming home, can't stand looking at me because it's like looking into a mirror showing him all the wrong, that he will have custody of our child and there will be nothing I can do about it. Last month I had to call the cops because he had driven himself home inebriated (he was supposed to be working at this time), had acquired a bottle of alcohol somehow to drink at home, and was thoroughly messed up to the point that I did not feel safe. He however, is a master manipulator, and was able to seem sober enough that the officers did not even use a breathalyzer. When I talked to him about the incident the next day, he attempted to use that as proof that I was exaggerating, and when I pointed out the flaws of that defense he concurred.

So, here is where I am, requesting advice. Child support would be nice, but I don't need it, especially if it means continuing to deal with this sort of lifestyle. What would be ideal is that he be allowed to see his child, contigent upon him passing a drug screening for each visit and the visits be supervised. Would that be something that is obtainable? If yes, what do I need to do to guarantee such an agreement, even temporary?
 


CTU

Meddlesome Priestess
This is coming from the state of Arkansas. I am an unwed mother of a now 2 year old child. Currently his father and I are realizing that we are unable to live together any longer. Since our child was born, things in the home have increasingly worsened. To avoid going into too many details and create a lengthy post, essentially I have financially, emotionally, physically and mentally been the primary caregiver of our child since January 2015. I know this because that's when I decided I was no longer going to share finances with my significant other after starting my new job. Even after my job suddenly ended (which I knew would happen and was prepared for) I have still been the sole provider for myself and my child.

I have bailed him out of jail twice, paid for his fines and fees because of a DUI from 4 years ago (he still has the Interlock device on his vehicle), supplemented for his inability to pay even half of our cost of living, offered to take him to CA with us to visit his and my family (which he rejected, but instead requested the funds for the offer so that he could instead go to Ireland with his best friend). This year, when my job ended, I was still able to cover my expenses (including my child), whereas he was still unable to do so.

Throughout all of this, he has been able to maintain his substance abuse. He is a self-proclaimed alcoholic. He requires anxiety medication (Xanax, which he is prescribed), pain medication (while he sometimes has prescribed or gets from elsewhere), and has been more emotionally, mentally, and nearly physically abusive. He has told me that he will eventually "manipulate our child into hating me," that he hates me, dreads my coming home, can't stand looking at me because it's like looking into a mirror showing him all the wrong, that he will have custody of our child and there will be nothing I can do about it. Last month I had to call the cops because he had driven himself home inebriated (he was supposed to be working at this time), had acquired a bottle of alcohol somehow to drink at home, and was thoroughly messed up to the point that I did not feel safe. He however, is a master manipulator, and was able to seem sober enough that the officers did not even use a breathalyzer. When I talked to him about the incident the next day, he attempted to use that as proof that I was exaggerating, and when I pointed out the flaws of that defense he concurred.

So, here is where I am, requesting advice. Child support would be nice, but I don't need it, especially if it means continuing to deal with this sort of lifestyle. What would be ideal is that he be allowed to see his child, contigent upon him passing a drug screening for each visit and the visits be supervised. Would that be something that is obtainable? If yes, what do I need to do to guarantee such an agreement, even temporary?
You can't guarantee anything.

You can request that his visits are supervised, but you'll need to articulate a reason before you even get started; the court wants to see proof of whatever it is before they'll restrict a parent. Even if supervision is ordered it would typically be for a very short amount of time ... and if Dad plays by the book, he'll get standard parenting time very quickly.

So what do you have as far as proof that he needs to be supervised? Recent drug charges? Convictions?
 

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