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wanting to mod custody in Oklahoma

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jayandrebecca

Guest
:( What is the name of your state? Oklahoma

I am non custodial parent of daughter, during divorce 4 years ago I did not contest custody because I was in college full time, had no job, and no place appropriate to live with my daughter. My lawyer at that time gave very bad advice saying it would be no problem to get her back once I graduated. Well, my ex and I are both re-married and I have 2 beautiful sons. I have standard visitation with my daughter (they will not give me any extra time with her) and I pay child support and such. My ex and I do have never been able to get along very well and now his new wife is really crazy. I do not get liberal phone conversations or contact with my daughter, I do not get any extra time with her (I refuse to reliquish any of my time with her as it is precious), the new wife speaks bad about me to my daughter saying I am a bad person, she has written countless hatefull emails and letters to me and my family, she tells my daughter that all I care about is my sons and not her, she does not allow her to call me "mom" at their house, she is hatefull and I believe has been tampering with my personal finacial information (impersonating me) but I have no solid proof, has prank called me over 50 times but once again no solid proof, and she is obessed with hateing me when all have ever wanted is for everyone to get along for my daughters sake. She makes hatefull commments constantly about me and my family to my daughter to try to take even the smallest joy she has with us away. My ex allows and encorages all this to take place and they have been trying to break the bond my daughter and I have. Even worse his new wife works as a family adovcate within DHS and I would think she would know better than to hurt the bond a child has with her mother! I have kept a diary of sorts of all the things that happen and of all the things my daughter tells me. I have taped phone conversations and messages from my ex and his wife.
In all, is this enough to modify custody? I know the burden of proof is on me and the circumstance that has changed is the crazy step mother who controls the entire household and even is now the primary care giver to my daughter as my ex is away a lot on business. I want to protect my daughter from further hurt as she deserves a normal as possible family life! I do not want to break the father-daughter bond either even if he has proven to be a lousey dad allowing his new wife to hurt his child. If we do go to mod custody and lose does that mean that I can never use all this information against them again in the future? I don't want to mess this up as she is too important! Any advise would help.
 


snostar

Senior Member
Consult with an attorney regarding ALL the facts of your case. If it has been 4 years since the last order was signed and there are new circumstances, a modification (maybe to joint custody) could happen, it depends on many factors. The fact that you have no actual proof will not help, but sometimes GAL's and evaluators can "get to the truth" of the situation. An attorney familiar with your case can best advise you.
 
S

ssmom

Guest
I agree snostar. Have a Guardian Ad Litem appointed to your case....once you get everything rolling with a lawyer.

I feel your pain, I'm going through something similar. What your daughter's stepmom is doing is called 'Alienation'. A HUGE NO-NO. The ad litem will meet one-on-one with the child(privately), and each party involved(including step-parents). He/She will see through any lies. The ad litem will be representing your daughter, noone else, and will be looking out for her best interest. The Ad Litem will report any findings/decisions to the judge and most times (I've heard) that the judge sides with what the Ad Litem recommends as far as custody, visitation schedule, ordering child therapy, family counseling, etc.

How old is your daughter?
How close do ya'll live from each other? Same state?

Please email me,
[email protected]
 
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jayandrebecca

Guest
My daughter is 7 and we don't have joint custody, so I am not sure what it is called. My ex is the custodial parent, and I am the non-custodial parent and I have standard visitations. Has anyone gone through this tell me what to expect? Can there be witnesses? How long can it take? Since the crazy step mother acutally works with other children and families it has come apparent that she is very good at manipulating my daughter with fear, with promises and presents and my daughter is very reluctant to tell me things that will get her in trouble with her step mom. Can the guardian ad litem see all this as clearly as I do? What are generally their qualifications? Should we try to hire someone on our own to evaluate my daughter?
 
J

jayandrebecca

Guest
jayandrebecca said:
My daughter is 7 and we don't have joint custody, so I am not sure what it is called. My ex is the custodial parent, and I am the non-custodial parent and I have standard visitations. Has anyone gone through this tell me what to expect? Can there be witnesses? How long can it take? Since the crazy step mother acutally works with other children and families it has come apparent that she is very good at manipulating my daughter with fear, with promises and presents and my daughter is very reluctant to tell me things that will get her in trouble with her step mom. Can the guardian ad litem see all this as clearly as I do? What are generally their qualifications? Should we try to hire someone on our own to evaluate my daughter?
Does anyone have any insight to what I should expect?
 

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