Wants to see kids, mother wont let him.....

[bluitjens]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota.

I need some advice, or what I can do to help.

My boyfriend, has not seen his children since April. He is so upset about it... There is NO reason why the mother is holding the children from him. Just that she is being a b&*^h and wants the kids names changed.. He obviously, those being his kids, doesnt want to do that. He was crying the other night because he JUST WANTS TO SEE HIS KIDS... Is there ANYTHING, he (we) can do to get him to see the kids on a regular schedule?
We dont have alot of money, but I am tired of seeing him hurting... He LOVES his kids and this woman is just being unreal.

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota.

I need some advice, or what I can do to help.

My boyfriend, has not seen his children since April. He is so upset about it... There is NO reason why the mother is holding the children from him. Just that she is being a b&*^h and wants the kids names changed.. He obviously, those being his kids, doesnt want to do that. He was crying the other night because he JUST WANTS TO SEE HIS KIDS... Is there ANYTHING, he (we) can do to get him to see the kids on a regular schedule?
We dont have alot of money, but I am tired of seeing him hurting... He LOVES his kids and this woman is just being unreal.

You have no dog in this fight. Have BF man-up.

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota.

I need some advice, or what I can do to help.

My boyfriend, has not seen his children since April. He is so upset about it... There is NO reason why the mother is holding the children from him. Just that she is being a b&*^h and wants the kids names changed.. He obviously, those being his kids, doesnt want to do that. He was crying the other night because he JUST WANTS TO SEE HIS KIDS... Is there ANYTHING, he (we) can do to get him to see the kids on a regular schedule?
We dont have alot of money, but I am tired of seeing him hurting... He LOVES his kids and this woman is just being unreal.

You cannot do anything except grow up, step back, and lose the unpleasant language.

He can file in court for a visitation schedule, provided he has already legally established paternity.

 

[bluitjens]

You have no dog in this fight. Have BF man-up.

Just trying to offer some help.

 

[cbg]

Yes, there is something he can do.

1.) He needs to have paternity legally established.

2.) When/if that has been done, he needs to request court-ordered visitation.

Until/unless he has done both of these things, Mom doesn't have to give him the time of day, let alone let him see the kids. However, after he has done both these things, Mom HAS to let him see the kids or risk being charged with contempt of court.

 

[Zigner]

Just trying to offer some help.

You can start by telling him to take care of his own business. You can also continue by not putting down the MOTHER of his children.

 

[CSO286]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota.

I need some advice, or what I can do to help.

My boyfriend, has not seen his children since April.

Ok.

He is so upset about it... There is NO reason why the mother is holding the children from him.

And how do you know that?
So, what has he done in an effort to gain access?

Just that she is being a b&*^h and wants the kids names changed..

If I were you, I'd refrain from name calling. This isn't your legal fight.

He obviously, those being his kids, doesnt want to do that. .

And again, what has he done to gain access? Filed to obtain and/or enforce a court order? Gone to pick up his children? Are they even his children--legally speaking? Has paternity been established? Were they married at birth? Did he sign an ROP? Was he adjudicated as father?

He was crying the other night because he JUST WANTS TO SEE HIS KIDS... .

Crying is nothing but a waste of time if he hasn't done anything legally. The "poor me, my ex is such a PITA" routine is common to gain sympathy with the new squeeze.
If he meant it, then he'd have already sought a court order for access, or if there is an order in place, he'd have filed for contempt of said order.

Is there ANYTHING, he (we) can do to get him to see the kids on a regular schedule? .

WE cannot do anything. He needs to either get to an attorney and seek help or go to www.mncourts.gov and file the appropriate paperwork. Establish paternity, if need be, then support and access. If an order is in place, then file for contempt. But if he hasn't done anything to gain access or enforce his access, then he's got a whole other set of problems, and I suspect the solution to them may be in your handbag.

We dont have alot of money, but I am tired of seeing him hurting...

Fixing this is not your problem. In fact, you have no place in this situation at all. And if boyfriend needs to go to court, you should take a day trip out of town.

He LOVES his kids and this woman is just being unreal.

A parent who loves his kids doesn't sit around for five months wondering how he's going to see his kids. He takes action. If you have a medical issue, you see a doctor. If you have a legal issue, you see a lawyer. If if hurts enough, you find a way to pay the doc. If it matters enough, you find a way to pay the attorney.

By the way, I'm in MN and very familiar with MN family courts.

 

[mommyanme]

Come on everyone. If Dad does all that, then he'll have to pay child support also. And my guess is, he doesn't support those kids or Paternity would already have been established.

 

[cbg]

Well, to be fair, we don't actually know that paternity has not been established. Or even that there are no court orders.

What we know is that the OP's BF has not made use of the courts in order to address the issue but instead has chosen to cry to the OP.

 

[FamilyGirl]

Come on everyone. If Dad does all that, then he'll have to pay child support also. And my guess is, he doesn't support those kids or Paternity would already have been established.

I agree with that. If a parent is not seeing their children, it's generally their own fault. Courts do not keep children from visiting their parent/s unless they are deemed an immediate threat or danger to the child; and even so Supervised Visitation can still be ordered. The Mother will not be able to just keep the children away for no good reason if your boyfriend is taking the correct steps to gain visitation. If your boyfriend wants to see his children he needs to be proactive in gaining visitation with them and working out a custody or parenting agreement with the Mother. This is a very familiar old tune nowadays that it's all Mom's fault and she won't let Daddy see the kids. Forget that attitude and yes, you definitely need to stay out of it. This is between him and the Mother, not you. I also suspect we're not being told the entire story here. Sitting back whining or playing the blame game won't get him anywhere. Tough job being a parent. Get his butt up to the Court room and have him propose a Parenting Plan or Custody Order. In my State it's called a Parenting Plan. There are usually Family Lawyers and Court Staff who would be happy to help him for free. It would help to know if Paternity was established, is there any Court orders in place, were they married at the time?

 

[stealth2]

IThere are usually Family Lawyers and Court Staff who would be happy to help him for free.

This is actually not quite right. While there are attorneys who will occasionally do pro bono work, they can be hard to find - especially towards the end of the year and on a case that isn't all thst "interesting" (and this case is not that interesting, from that perspective). And court staff are rather restricted in how they can help - the old "practicing w/o a license" palaver.

 

[Just Blue]

I agree with that. If a parent is not seeing their children, it's generally their own fault. Courts do not keep children from visiting their parent/s unless they are deemed an immediate threat or danger to the child; and even so Supervised Visitation can still be ordered. The Mother will not be able to just keep the children away for no good reason if your boyfriend is taking the correct steps to gain visitation. If your boyfriend wants to see his children he needs to be proactive in gaining visitation with them and working out a custody or parenting agreement with the Mother. This is a very familiar old tune nowadays that it's all Mom's fault and she won't let Daddy see the kids. Forget that attitude and yes, you definitely need to stay out of it. This is between him and the Mother, not you. I also suspect we're not being told the entire story here. Sitting back whining or playing the blame game won't get him anywhere. Tough job being a parent. Get his butt up to the Court room and have him propose a Parenting Plan or Custody Order. In my State it's called a Parenting Plan. There are usually Family Lawyers and Court Staff who would be happy to help him for free. It would help to know if Paternity was established, is there any Court orders in place, were they married at the time?

Why Ms "Paralegal" are your qualified to comment on this OP thread regarding Child Custody...yet unable to deal with yourown Child Issues in your own STATE?

 

[CSO286]

I agree with that. If a parent is not seeing their children, it's generally their own fault. Courts do not keep children from visiting their parent/s unless they are deemed an immediate threat or danger to the child; and even so Supervised Visitation can still be ordered. The Mother will not be able to just keep the children away for no good reason if your boyfriend is taking the correct steps to gain visitation. If your boyfriend wants to see his children he needs to be proactive in gaining visitation with them and working out a custody or parenting agreement with the Mother. This is a very familiar old tune nowadays that it's all Mom's fault and she won't let Daddy see the kids. Forget that attitude and yes, you definitely need to stay out of it. This is between him and the Mother, not you. I also suspect we're not being told the entire story here. Sitting back whining or playing the blame game won't get him anywhere. Tough job being a parent. Get his butt up to the Court room and have him propose a Parenting Plan or Custody Order. In my State it's called a Parenting Plan. There are usually Family Lawyers and Court Staff who would be happy to help him for free. It would help to know if Paternity was established, is there any Court orders in place, were they married at the time?

Umm, no. You see, in Minnesota, as well as every other state, court staff are not allowed to give legal advice. And most lawyers like to be paid for their time. There's no profit to be made by taking on family law/custody/child support cases for free. This is why I referred the OP to www.mncourts.gov, a website that has all the self-help info that is available for free to pro-se litigants. I've spent several years working in the family court and child support system and know them quite well.

And to reiterate another poster's point, how is you know nothing about family law in your own thread, but feel qualified to give advice (and I use that term loosely) in this one?

 

[CJane]

So... I'm thinking this OP is the girlfriend of our good buddy that also lives in MN and hasn't seen his kids in quite some time because it's just not convenient for him. You know, the one whose ex drove 3 hours each way for visitations that he'd either not bother to show up for, or return the kids hours late from? The one who calls his kids at 1030 at night and gets ticked off when StepDad won't wake them up to talk?

Yeah, that guy. This seems like his SO, just keeping it klassy.

 

[FamilyGirl]

I stand corrected. Court staff don't give "legal advice", they are not supposed to. However, if you go to Family Court and tell them: "I want to see my children, there are/are not any Court Orders", they don't tell you to go hire a lawyer and shut the window. They can and will tell you how to proceed, but they cannot and won't predict the outcome of your situation. They will give you the forms to fill out and explain procedure. There is the difference between legal advice and explaining procedure.

In some counties they do have free or discounted legal advice services or lawyers that will help you. That is what I was saying. I did not give the OP legal advice. I don't give legal advice as I'm not allowed to. However I don't turn every phone call, email or question over to my boss. I can explain certain things to clients or help them with questions, but I can't predict the outcome of their choice or advise the best method to achieve their legal goal. Was there something wrong with the suggestion I gave OP other than not being clear about the Court Staff limitations? Not knowing the answer to one question automatically disqualifies me from speaking again? Sheesh.