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At what age can a child decide not to visit anymore?

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Montanamama

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Montana
My son age 9 is staying with his dad for six weeks summer visitation. We live in the same town. His dad has been away in another town and now my son wishes to come home with me. I am the custodial parent. Does he have a say if he doesn't want to stay at his dads house? His sister who is 13, refused to go to her dads this summer, and she no longer speaks to her dad. Being that my son is 9 I am not sure what Montanas laws are as far as age of the child ,and if he can refuse or not.What is the name of your state?
 


CJane

Senior Member
What an original question!

Your children can decide for themselves what they do and where they go when they're 18. If your ex attempts visitation with the 13 year old, and you do not facillitate that visitation, then you will be held in contempt of court. (Assuming, of course there are court orders)

So ummm... who, exactly, is your son being left with while his father is out of town?
 

Montanamama

Junior Member
My son is left with his stepmom. My daughter saw him crying at summer school and asked him what was wrong. He told her that he wanted to come back home. As a mom, that's so heartbreaking to hear.
So, what do I do about my thirteen year old that doesn't want to see her dad? Do I just tell her she has no choice and have her scream, cry and tell me the million reasons why she doesn't want to go? How do we go about this in a legal manner? I am not stopping him or her visitation. She will not have anything to do with him when he shows up. So I am really at a lose as what to do.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
Montanamama said:
So, what do I do about my thirteen year old that doesn't want to see her dad? Do I just tell her she has no choice and have her scream, cry and tell me the million reasons why she doesn't want to go? How do we go about this in a legal manner? I am not stopping him or her visitation. She will not have anything to do with him when he shows up. So I am really at a lose as what to do.
You want your 13 year old thinking if she throws a tantrum, she doesn't have to follow the ORDERS OF A COURT OF LAW? That she is immune to following the law? That she can simply ignore court decisions she doesn't like?

What have you done to facilitate the relationship? Is daughter in counseling?
 
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weenor

Senior Member
Montanamama said:
My son is left with his stepmom. My daughter saw him crying at summer school and asked him what was wrong. He told her that he wanted to come back home. As a mom, that's so heartbreaking to hear.
So, what do I do about my thirteen year old that doesn't want to see her dad? the same thing you tell her when she doesn't want to go to school or church or to the hardware store.

Do I just tell her she has no choice and have her scream, cry and tell me the million reasons why she doesn't want to go?

What do you tell her when she has to go other places?

How do we go about this in a legal manner?

There is no legal way. You are obligated under the law to send her unless you take it before the judge and prove that he is dangerous for her to be around.

I am not stopping him or her visitation. She will not have anything to do with him when he shows up.

How much have you encouraged this behavior? Even your silence on the issue indicates your approval. The man is her father and she should be made to see him.

So I am really at a lose as what to do.
Get her counseling and make her go.
 

Montanamama

Junior Member
No, I am not saying that she is above the law. There is more to this story then what is being posted. So please be patient with me. This is not a case of rebellious teen gone awry.
The main issue she is having trouble with is his drinking. He drinks often and to much and she knows wrong from right. She has tried telling him how much it hurts her. Counseling would be good for this because it is a matter of a destructive behavior on his part.

The reason he is out of town is because the state of Montana went after him for back child support. They were in the process of wage with holdings. He left his job to be an independent contractor. So he wouldn't have to pay. I know that support and visitation are not the same but this is to give you an idea of the kind of person he is.
 

CJane

Senior Member
Montanamama said:
The main issue she is having trouble with is his drinking. He drinks often and to much and she knows wrong from right. She has tried telling him how much it hurts her. Counseling would be good for this because it is a matter of a destructive behavior on his part.
Send her to Al-Anon to learn to deal with her own reactions to his drinking. Even alcoholism (as opposed to 'just drinking') unless a provable danger to teh child is not enough reason to withhold visitation.

She MUST go.
 

ceara19

Senior Member
Montanamama said:
No, I am not saying that she is above the law. There is more to this story then what is being posted. So please be patient with me. This is not a case of rebellious teen gone awry.
The main issue she is having trouble with is his drinking. He drinks often and to much and she knows wrong from right. She has tried telling him how much it hurts her. Counseling would be good for this because it is a matter of a destructive behavior on his part.

The reason he is out of town is because the state of Montana went after him for back child support. They were in the process of wage with holdings. He left his job to be an independent contractor. So he wouldn't have to pay. I know that support and visitation are not the same but this is to give you an idea of the kind of person he is.
Did you ever think that maybe your son wouldn't be having so many problems with visitation if his sister was there too?
 

Montanamama

Junior Member
Update

My daughter was dropped off at her dads this morning. I had a talk with her early this morning and told her that this is the right thing to do and that she would be helping her brother as well. Some things in life we can not change. This is one of them. So from now on she will visit him as listed in the parenting plan.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Montanamama said:
My daughter was dropped off at her dads this morning. I had a talk with her early this morning and told her that this is the right thing to do and that she would be helping her brother as well. Some things in life we can not change. This is one of them. So from now on she will visit him as listed in the parenting plan.
Very good! She needs to be visiting with dad as the parenting order states or YOU are the one who pays the price and dad could get custody from you for that.
 
Montanamama said:
My daughter was dropped off at her dads this morning. I had a talk with her early this morning and told her that this is the right thing to do and that she would be helping her brother as well. Some things in life we can not change. This is one of them. So from now on she will visit him as listed in the parenting plan.
I'm sure that was difficult for you to do and for your daughter to accept. Kudos to you for doing the right thing. :D
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
One of the things I've told my two when they complained about not enjoying their time with Dad is that it is THEIR choice whether to have a good time or not. At the very least, they have one another to spend time with.
 
Montanamama said:
Yes, It was hard to do. But it felt right after it was done. Thank you for the advice. I do appreciate it. :)
Well, I have a 13 year old daughter also. And kind of in the same boat. She doesn't want to visit dad. She stopped wanting to go about 2 years ago. My ex is a very heavy social drinker. I have 3 sons with my ex also. The boys typically want to go, but she does not. My ex doesn't press the issue about going either. I have never voiced an opinion either way to her. She tells her dad she doesn't want to go and he says ok.

My opinion on this is...If the ex isn't forcing the issue with her, then why force the issue yourself? He is making a conscience decision not to exercise his visitation. Why force him to do something he isn't forcing himself to do?
 

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