What age can a child decide they want to live with one parent?

[LoraK1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My 14 year old daughter (15 in June) wants to live with me fulltime. Her father and I currently have 50/50 joint & physical custody. She has told me she is miserable there and it is not a happy environment. She got in a fight with the stepmother a couple months ago and told her Dad she needed a break for the weekend and was going to stay with me. Her Dad changed his mind (because the stepmother found out about it and had a fit) and called her on her cell and started yelling at her. He said he was going to call the cops. She freaked out and went with him because she was scared. She told him a couple weeks ago that she wanted to live with me full time and he said "Go ahead, get an attorney and fight me in court....we'll see who wins! And I'm keeping all your clothes because I paid for them, you will have to take your dog because I don't want it, and your Mom will have to pay for your insurance!" She said she has constant anxiety and can't take it anymore there. She said he always makes her feel bad about herself. She is a sweet, fun & loving child and gets straight A's. I don't understand him and it breaks my heart to see her go through this. It is NOT Disneyland at my house, she has responsibility and rules. What I have at my house is peace with no yelling or fighting. We talk things through, laugh and have fun. He sent her a text at 10pm last night that said "You are such a dissapointment in my life. You break my heart! Glad you care about others more than me!" She has NO idea what this is about. She talked to him on Saturday after her volleyball tournament and all was fine. He does this to lay guilt trips on her instead of calling her to talk about the issue. Who is the parent?

She is not allowed to go into her Dad's house if they are not home, even if she needs something important. This is her StepMother's rule. One time she needed her glasses and my Daughter couldn't get ahold of them at 8:00pm, so we drove over there to knock on the door. At 8:30pm we got there and the StepMonster opened the door and yelled in a mean tone "What do you want?! You know we go to bed early!" My Daughter left their crying. The StepMonster has called her a bitch because she wanted ME (her Mother) to take her to volleyball tryouts instead of her. Her Dad allows his wife to rule the house.

This is breaking my heart. He is not doing what is best for her. So I need to take action but don't know where to start.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Proserpina]

Using the 'search' function would have given you the answer very, very quickly.

The age at which your daughter can CHOOSE where she wants to live, is 18.

At 14, if you have a change in circumstance, her wishes will likely carry some weight in court but her preference is not a change in circumstance in and of itself.

But you're going to need that change in circumstance first.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

My 14 year old daughter (15 in June) wants to live with me fulltime. Her father and I currently have 50/50 joint & physical custody. She has told me she is miserable there and it is not a happy environment. She got in a fight with the stepmother a couple months ago and told her Dad she needed a break for the weekend and was going to stay with me. Her Dad changed his mind (because the stepmother found out about it and had a fit) and called her on her cell and started yelling at her. He said he was going to call the cops. She freaked out and went with him because she was scared. She told him a couple weeks ago that she wanted to live with me full time and he said "Go ahead, get an attorney and fight me in court....we'll see who wins! And I'm keeping all your clothes because I paid for them, you will have to take your dog because I don't want it, and your Mom will have to pay for your insurance!" She said she has constant anxiety and can't take it anymore there. She said he always makes her feel bad about herself. She is a sweet, fun & loving child and gets straight A's. I don't understand him and it breaks my heart to see her go through this. It is NOT Disneyland at my house, she has responsibility and rules. What I have at my house is peace with no yelling or fighting. We talk things through, laugh and have fun. He sent her a text at 10pm last night that said "You are such a dissapointment in my life. You break my heart! Glad you care about others more than me!" She has NO idea what this is about. She talked to him on Saturday after her volleyball tournament and all was fine. He does this to lay guilt trips on her instead of calling her to talk about the issue. Who is the parent?

She is not allowed to go into her Dad's house if they are not home, even if she needs something important. This is her StepMother's rule. One time she needed her glasses and my Daughter couldn't get ahold of them at 8:00pm, so we drove over there to knock on the door. At 8:30pm we got there and the StepMonster opened the door and yelled in a mean tone "What do you want?! You know we go to bed early!" My Daughter left their crying. The StepMonster has called her a bitch because she wanted ME (her Mother) to take her to volleyball tryouts instead of her. Her Dad allows his wife to rule the house.

This is breaking my heart. He is not doing what is best for her. So I need to take action but don't know where to start.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

I think that your first step would be to get the child into some counseling. It would definitely help her develop some skills to cope with the issues at dad's.

 

[MichaCA]

I agree with the counseling and agree you need a change in circumstance. However, if and when you find yourself filing for a modification, you can request the mediator speak to your child. That does NOT mean any specific result whatsoever...just that CA has changed in the past few years and you can request the mediator speak to the child privately. He/she will make his conclusions around the interview and include that as part of his recommendation to the court.

 

[Mom_of_Two]

I agree with the counseling and agree you need a change in circumstance. However, if and when you find yourself filing for a modification, you can request the mediator speak to your child. That does NOT mean any specific result whatsoever...just that CA has changed in the past few years and you can request the mediator speak to the child privately. He/she will make his conclusions around the interview and include that as part of his recommendation to the court.

This has also been my experience in CA. The mediator actually interviewed my son when he was three (much to my dismay), and she used it in her mediation recommendation. They are also using his testimony in our TPR case (he is now 7). I was surprised by this because of everything that I have read on these forums about a child's testimony not having much weight. The judge also considered the declaration from an 11 year old witness that we had. It seems that CA may play by different rules than other states about this issue...at least in my experience!

 

[LoraK1]

Well I just found out last night my Daughter has been cutting herself

I am definitely getting her into counseling. She says it from the anxiety and sadness she is having to deal with from her Father & StepMom.

I am also going to request a modification in child custody and child support!
I will do whatever it takes for my Daughter's emotional well-being.

Thank you for your advice.

 

[stealth2]

Counseling would be a good thing.