What is the name of your state? MN
My ex and I have joint physical custody of our twin boys, who will be 13 in about 6 weeks. Throughout the entire year, we each have the boys every other weekend. During the school year, the boys are with me and during the summer, they are with their dad.
I am writing on behalf of my son who recently asked me "how old do I have to be before I can decide where I want to live." He says he wants to live with me, but be able to visit dad whenever he wants. I am fine with that and want him to have a relationship with dad. Both boys told me that a couple of months ago, dad and stepmom, told them that they should start thinking about who they wanted to live with. Their reply to dad was "we want to think about it." Before that conversation, I don't think my son thought he had an option. Now he is thinking he does and wants to know what to do about it.
Summer is coming up and one of my sons is starting to stress out about spending it at his dad's. Stepmom is a very controlling, manipulative person. Dad is very passive and goes along with what rules she sets. She has informed the boys that the rules this summer will be the same as last summer. Since both of them work full-time, the boys are not allowed to leave the house. They cannot answer the door or telephone (even if it is me or their grandparents). They are only allowed to answer the phone if her or dad calls. The boys told me that she calls them many times during the day to make sure they are in the house. They are not allowed to call dad at work to ask him anything....they must call her. She told them that if they call dad at work, he will get fired. That is not true, but the boys do not want to be the reason their dad would get fired, so they call her instead. Last summer, they could only watch TV for 2 hours a day and this summer, she told them that the cable would be cancelled, which means no TV.
I have explained to the boys that I cannot do anything about the rules that are set in their dad's home. I have suggested that they try talking to their dad about their feelings. Their response was "he doesn't do anything. He just tells M..... what we said and then she yells at us." For that reason, they refuse to talk to dad because it has backfired on them so many times.
I have many more horror stories....there are just too many to list here.
I know that kids need rules and discipline, but I can see why my son does not want to spend the summer there. They just want to be normal kids and enjoy their summer vacation.
Even though dad told the boys they eventually need to make this type of decision, I know he would not want them to live full-time with me and would fight it.
At what age will a judge take their feelings into consideration?
Do I need to get a lawyer to represent my children?
While one son knows what he wants, the other is unsure. He says he wants to live at both house. This surprises me because he complains as much as his brother does about the situation. Personality wise, he is able to handle stress much better than his brother. Perhaps, he feels that it would hurt his dad's feelings. I do not want to split the boys up. I feel, in the long run, he would regret not talking to the judge with his brother. If the judge granted his brothers request, he would lose his support system (his brother) while at dad's. If he changed his mind later would a judge consider his feelings at a later date? I know the boys are two seperate people with seperate feelings and opinions, but would a judge set up seperate living arrangements for two brothers?
The son that wants to live with me did see a child psychologist last spring because he was so stressed out about the situation at dad's. Would getting these records help his cause? Am I able to request these records or because of their nature, do I need a lawyer to request them?
If such a meeting is granted with the judge, does my ex find out about it in advance? If so and the judge denied their request, I know that stepmom would make life even more difficult. If dad is not informed about this meeting in advance and the judge decided that it would be best to keep the current living situation, at least stepmom would be none the wiser and things would remain as they are. As much as I want to help make life easier for them, I don't want it to backfire and make it even worse.
My ex's parents have told me that whatever I decide to do, they will support me and the boys 100%. They also feel that it would be in the boys best interest if they lived full-time with me and were allowed to visit their dad as often as they wanted. Would their support have a positive impact on a judge's decision or would it have no impact at all?
I apologize for the length of this and hope that I have explained the situation well. Any advise would be greatly apprecitated.
My ex and I have joint physical custody of our twin boys, who will be 13 in about 6 weeks. Throughout the entire year, we each have the boys every other weekend. During the school year, the boys are with me and during the summer, they are with their dad.
I am writing on behalf of my son who recently asked me "how old do I have to be before I can decide where I want to live." He says he wants to live with me, but be able to visit dad whenever he wants. I am fine with that and want him to have a relationship with dad. Both boys told me that a couple of months ago, dad and stepmom, told them that they should start thinking about who they wanted to live with. Their reply to dad was "we want to think about it." Before that conversation, I don't think my son thought he had an option. Now he is thinking he does and wants to know what to do about it.
Summer is coming up and one of my sons is starting to stress out about spending it at his dad's. Stepmom is a very controlling, manipulative person. Dad is very passive and goes along with what rules she sets. She has informed the boys that the rules this summer will be the same as last summer. Since both of them work full-time, the boys are not allowed to leave the house. They cannot answer the door or telephone (even if it is me or their grandparents). They are only allowed to answer the phone if her or dad calls. The boys told me that she calls them many times during the day to make sure they are in the house. They are not allowed to call dad at work to ask him anything....they must call her. She told them that if they call dad at work, he will get fired. That is not true, but the boys do not want to be the reason their dad would get fired, so they call her instead. Last summer, they could only watch TV for 2 hours a day and this summer, she told them that the cable would be cancelled, which means no TV.
I have explained to the boys that I cannot do anything about the rules that are set in their dad's home. I have suggested that they try talking to their dad about their feelings. Their response was "he doesn't do anything. He just tells M..... what we said and then she yells at us." For that reason, they refuse to talk to dad because it has backfired on them so many times.
I have many more horror stories....there are just too many to list here.
I know that kids need rules and discipline, but I can see why my son does not want to spend the summer there. They just want to be normal kids and enjoy their summer vacation.
Even though dad told the boys they eventually need to make this type of decision, I know he would not want them to live full-time with me and would fight it.
At what age will a judge take their feelings into consideration?
Do I need to get a lawyer to represent my children?
While one son knows what he wants, the other is unsure. He says he wants to live at both house. This surprises me because he complains as much as his brother does about the situation. Personality wise, he is able to handle stress much better than his brother. Perhaps, he feels that it would hurt his dad's feelings. I do not want to split the boys up. I feel, in the long run, he would regret not talking to the judge with his brother. If the judge granted his brothers request, he would lose his support system (his brother) while at dad's. If he changed his mind later would a judge consider his feelings at a later date? I know the boys are two seperate people with seperate feelings and opinions, but would a judge set up seperate living arrangements for two brothers?
The son that wants to live with me did see a child psychologist last spring because he was so stressed out about the situation at dad's. Would getting these records help his cause? Am I able to request these records or because of their nature, do I need a lawyer to request them?
If such a meeting is granted with the judge, does my ex find out about it in advance? If so and the judge denied their request, I know that stepmom would make life even more difficult. If dad is not informed about this meeting in advance and the judge decided that it would be best to keep the current living situation, at least stepmom would be none the wiser and things would remain as they are. As much as I want to help make life easier for them, I don't want it to backfire and make it even worse.
My ex's parents have told me that whatever I decide to do, they will support me and the boys 100%. They also feel that it would be in the boys best interest if they lived full-time with me and were allowed to visit their dad as often as they wanted. Would their support have a positive impact on a judge's decision or would it have no impact at all?
I apologize for the length of this and hope that I have explained the situation well. Any advise would be greatly apprecitated.
