what age can decline visitation?

[doggie844]

What is the name of your state? ohio
I have 2 kids that have activities that they want to attend a few times a year that fall on the non-cust. visitation. birthday parties with their friends, church events,etc. he makes them feel guilty whenever they have something going on on"his time". they love sports and band and stay active. their grades are a's and b's. they are 10 and 13. he has told them that he wants them to not play anything in in the summer as it is an inconvenience to him. he only comes to watch them when it is his time but because it is stated that he has to take them to their activities. they don't want to quit what they love to do but yet he is making them feel guilty and a choice of, ' do you want to do that or spend time with me"? he is also an alcoholic. i found out that my 13 yr. old was going to a counselor at school for it. my questions are: if he is drinking whan he comes to pick them up, can i deny visitation? and if he leaves and i have no proof, if he goes to court and says i denied him the right, what then? all i want is the kids to be kids and be safe. also, can they at what age state that they don't want to go because of activities,etc. they are scared to tell him when he has them they don't want to drive with him when he's been drinking for fear of him getting mad at them. what can i do so that they don't have to deal with any adult issues. him and his wife now smoke and the kids don't like it. i have written letters to him asking on behalf of the kids not to smoke around them and he ignores it. thanks for your time.

 

[Cookie97128]

How long ago was

his visitation schedule put into place? If the kids didn't have school activities then, and they do now, wouldn't that be considered a change in circumstance?
IMO~~ I would file for a mod of visitation, let the kids talk to a mediator. Even if the kids can't make the choice, They should be heard regarding him drinking and driving and smoking around them. Have you tried to talk to him regarding the smoking and drinking??? I'm sure you have. The kids shouldn't be afraid to talk to their father.
Have you thought about calling the police when you know he's coming to get the kids, tell them that you think he's drinking and ask that they pull him over before he gets to your house. If he's not been drinking, he'll have an eye opener... If he has, your kids will be safe for that weekend. I know that this would be a final step... But, it's an idea...
I wish you the best.
Cookie

 

[doggie844]

his visitation was set in 1994. he gets the kids for 5 weeks in the summer. since 94 he never took them on spring break until last year. he is supposed to get them every wed. and has never once picked them up. his visitation has never been modified. i'm afraid if it gets modified, that they will make the kids quit there activities or that he won't have to take them, and you know the way things are today, if you miss anything, then you don't play or stay up on what they are learning.

 

[Cookie97128]

Re: I disagree in part with cookie....

While the drinking is a problem and the smoking is a bad habit to have around children, activities do not superceed regular visitation....

Sorry, I don't see where I said she should deny visitation.

But I have heard of ncp being required to take kids to schedule activities. I have also heard of judges lifting the visitation for a child to work. NOT that these kids would be old enough for this case. BUT, since they are kids. They are going to be involved in stuff. I DON'T agree that kids should miss visitation with dad just for birthday parties and friends' activities. But, there are acceptions to every rule. Maybe if dad wasn't drinking, he'd want to be more involved with what his kids were doing. IMO.

I think Pthalo's idea of having a witness available when he picks up the kids, is a great idea. Maybe with a video camara? As long as he doesn't see the camara in his face.

Cookie

 

[doggie844]

time

in a relative way of thinking, when it comes to time, cp or ncp, with all of the activities, i don't have much visitation either. i don't complain and i never will. why, because ny parents went through a divorce and it wasn't very ugly but all i wanted to do was be a kid and not be involved in everyone else's problems; especially adult problems. if my kids are wanting to be in activities, then why shouldn't they be allowed without hassle. i go to every activity that they have so that i can watch them grow because before too long they'll be gone. his time would be doubled if he went to their activities instead of worrying aboutwhat is his instead of what is there's and his. ESPECIALLY in today's society, the kids have SO much to be afraid of and worry about with what's around them. we had these kids, so what was once all about me will not be until eighteen. he gets a vacation every year to take them with no interruption. anyone ought to be grateful that the kids are into activities instead of what most fear......

 

[Cookie97128]

Re: time

in a relative way of thinking, when it comes to time, cp or ncp, with all of the activities, i don't have much visitation either. i don't complain and i never will. why, because ny parents went through a divorce and it wasn't very ugly but all i wanted to do was be a kid and not be involved in everyone else's problems; especially adult problems. if my kids are wanting to be in activities, then why shouldn't they be allowed without hassle. i go to every activity that they have so that i can watch them grow because before too long they'll be gone. his time would be doubled if he went to their activities instead of worrying aboutwhat is his instead of what is there's and his. ESPECIALLY in today's society, the kids have SO much to be afraid of and worry about with what's around them. we had these kids, so what was once all about me will not be until eighteen. he gets a vacation every year to take them with no interruption. anyone ought to be grateful that the kids are into activities instead of what most fear......

VERY WELL SAID. Why can't the kids have the best of both worlds? Activities that allow them to have a great childhood, WITH both parents. Even if it's not both parents at the same time. JUST MY OPINIOIN. I'm not trying to make the world perfect. Just hoping that someday it could be a little closer.

Pthalo, not bashing... I know you've given great advice, but, when Hunter is into sports... A total fanatic about say soccer or baseball when he's 8 or 9... are you going to tell him he can't go to his games because it's YOUR time with him? I would think you are going to be a better father than that and would most likely coach the team... I am just saying to the original poster, MY OPINION is that father should be willing to go to games or practices. An order CAN (not saying will) reflect that he take the kids to practices or games. They obviously live close enough to each other.
Maybe I am just a dreamer.

Cookie