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  1. #1
    FGH Guest

    ? What Age Can Kids Decide Not To Visit

    What is the name of your state? FLORIDA

    my husband has full custody (sole) of 3 boys age 17,13,12 they see their mother for 2 weeks in summer 1 week Christmas time.
    She just remarried for the 2nd time in 5 yrs and kids don't want to visit anymore. I know the 17 yr old doesn't have to what about the 12 and 13 year old. DO they have to go to court and say they don't want to see their mother (i'd hate for them to have to) or is there an age of maturity that they legally can say no I don't want to go. It is their choice though my husband and I support it 100% as she ignores them when she gets them and they come back miserable. One kid was sick and he had to ask her for 2 Tylenol she didn't bother to ask. She didn't p/u at airport or take back to airport she had a hired barn worker do it,
  2. #2
    hexeliebe Guest
    I know the 17 yr old doesn't have to
    Unless a judge told you this and signed a valid court order to the affect, you are wrong.

    what about the 12 and 13 year old.
    Until they are 18 or the visitation order from the court is changed.

    DO they have to go to court and say they don't want to see their mother (i'd hate for them to have to) or is there an age of maturity that they legally can say no I don't want to go
    see above.

    It is their choice though my husband and I support it 100%
    Wrong again. It is not their choice until they reach 18 or the court signs an order relieving them of the duty to visit.

    she ignores them when she gets them and they come back miserable. One kid was sick and he had to ask her for 2 Tylenol she didn't bother to ask. She didn't p/u at airport or take back to airport she had a hired barn worker do it,
    Nothing you have mentioned here is relevant to stopping visitation. Although the court will usually 'listen' to children the age of yours, if the mother contests any change in the visitation schedule, you can bet it's either not going to happen or will be one expensive, long road to hoe.
  3. #3
    gobonas99 is offline Member
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    Re: ? What Age Can Kids Decide Not To Visit

    Originally posted by FGH
    What is the name of your state? FLORIDA

    my husband has full custody (sole) of 3 boys age 17,13,12 they see their mother for 2 weeks in summer 1 week Christmas time.
    She just remarried for the 2nd time in 5 yrs and kids don't want to visit anymore. I know the 17 yr old doesn't have to what about the 12 and 13 year old. DO they have to go to court and say they don't want to see their mother (i'd hate for them to have to) or is there an age of maturity that they legally can say no I don't want to go. It is their choice though my husband and I support it 100% as she ignores them when she gets them and they come back miserable. One kid was sick and he had to ask her for 2 Tylenol she didn't bother to ask. She didn't p/u at airport or take back to airport she had a hired barn worker do it,
    I am not 100% sure, but to the best of my knowledge, the boys can choose to not see their mother anymore the day they turn 18 and are legally considered adults (I don't know who told you the 17yo can doesn't have to go). Also, as far as I know, teens usually have a voice with the court in determining custody, NOT visitation. If the boys don't go (until they turn 18), then the bio-mom can take your husband to court for contempt for not following the visitation orders. And for 3 weeks a year, they should be old enough to understand that it is something they must do.
  4. #4
    FGH Guest
    They are old enough to know that they don't have to go to another state to be ignored. As for the 17 yr old before his next visitation he will be 18 so he does not have to go as for a long drawn out battle I don't want it but we and not her having the resources to fight it out until all the kids are 18.

    Thank you for responding though I really just wanted the statute so I could do some self research
  5. #5
    gobonas99 is offline Member
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    Originally posted by FGH
    They are old enough to know that they don't have to go to another state to be ignored. As for the 17 yr old before his next visitation he will be 18 so he does not have to go as for a long drawn out battle I don't want it but we and not her having the resources to fight it out until all the kids are 18.

    Thank you for responding though I really just wanted the statute so I could do some self research
    If the 17yo will be 18 before the summer visitation, then no, he doesn't have to go. HOWEVER, the 2 younger boys DO have to go. If they don't go, the BM can take your husband to court for contempt. As Hexy said, they must go until they are 18 or the court order for visitation is changed - and if BM contests any change, it will likely NOT happen. Plus only 3 weeks in a year is really not too much to ask.
  6. #6
    FGH Guest
    3 weeks is 3 weeks too long. If you have ever been somewhere as an adult w/o your car and you want out you want out!
    3 weeks is 2 weeks and 6days to long when the last step father put a boy outside in winter to see if he'd like it "NAKED". She lost custody of her kids by her choice of men and their choice of drink with the last marriage. Our kids aren't going to be made to suffer (drawn out lawsuit so what) (just want it the easiest way on kids). As for Bio mother these kids were adopted and she chose them and still doesn't really want them. Like the old saying anyone can be a father it takes someone special to be a Daddy. same goes here
  7. #7
    gobonas99 is offline Member
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    Originally posted by FGH
    3 weeks is 3 weeks too long. If you have ever been somewhere as an adult w/o your car and you want out you want out!
    3 weeks is 2 weeks and 6days to long when the last step father put a boy outside in winter to see if he'd like it "NAKED". She lost custody of her kids by her choice of men and their choice of drink with the last marriage. Our kids aren't going to be made to suffer (drawn out lawsuit so what) (just want it the easiest way on kids). As for Bio mother these kids were adopted and she chose them and still doesn't really want them. Like the old saying anyone can be a father it takes someone special to be a Daddy. same goes here
    While I empathize with you (really, I do), nothing that you have stated changes the fact that the mother has COURT ORDERED visitation, and the boys MUST go until they either turn 18 or the visitation order is modified through the court. If they do NOT go, then the mother can file for contempt against your husband, and a potential punishment for being in contempt of a court order is JAIL TIME. I'm not saying that your husband will go to jail if he doesn't send the kids, but the possibility is there, and if you catch the judge in a bad mood on a bad day facing a CP who is frustrating visitation...well....just be aware.

    Also, they are not "our" kids. Adopted or biological, they are your husband's and his ex's kids. Legally, you are a stranger to the kids, no matter how much you love them.

    Out of curiosity, has your husband discussed with his ex the possibility of her voluntarily terminating her parental rights and you adopting the kids?
  8. #8
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    At 12 & 13, they are children. Children do not decide. It's as simple as that. If DAD feels there is sufficient reason, he can file for a modification of the visitation order and a judge will likely listen to the children's wishes and include them when he makes a decision.
  9. #9
    FGH Guest
    We will go to court then! I may be a "stranger" but i am the stranger that feeds clothes and takes care of them when they are sick. She gave up 99% of her rights so far we will win this we just didn't want the kids to have to testify. Hard to say I don't want to go back and visit my mother. Even if it is true
  10. #10
    OnlyOneVoice Guest
    FGH:

    I understood your frustration here:
    but i am the stranger that feeds clothes and takes care of them when they are sick
    But in the eyes of the courts you have absolutely NO legal standing with regard to these children. The fact that you stand in as a stable parent for them is certainly commendable, but it doesn't give you a say in the areas of custody.

    The fact that you behave appropriately with them is definately in your husband's favor, but unless mom is willing to sign them over, the battle is on and it may be costly and difficult.

    I would however document every negative comment the kids make regarding their visits (where you suspect neglect and abuse), but the reality is that these kids may need to speak up in court and even then, it will ultimately be up to the judge to decide.
  11. #11
    CaliCat Guest
    The ONLY legal way to stop the visitations is to file for modification of visitation. That's it. If the court says they have to go and you allow them to stay home, you can lose custody and they have to be with her full time. So do NOT go against the order, no matter how much you hate to abide by it. When the alternative is to be with her all the time versus a couple weeks.... Just go to court and file. It's your only LEGAL option.
  12. #12
    FGH Guest
    I have everything documented and I doubt she'll come in from out of state to appear before a judge. But have the lawyer going over the papers now. There might not be a formal visitation in place when kids came to live with Dad there was a change in the whole custody everythng. Just looking to be sure, we will fight they will not be going back.`
  13. #13
    dixygrl04 is offline Member
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    fgh, i honestly know how you feel. i have a son who's 12, and i have had hell with his dad, we've been divorced for 8 years. it is his step mom who is such a bitch, and it really ain't his dad who says things to him about me, starts trouble,etc. i don't want him to HAVE to go to visitation if he does not want to, or if something came up that only was during that time, etc, but they act like they'll never see him again, etc, his dad usually is not even there anyways. but they are all right, the courts really don't take all our motherly feelings into consideration, and they told me that he is supposed to go. what's so hard for me to understand is, why would his dad force his son to visit. that tells me all i need to know about my ex, i mean there's been many times when he refused my son to go on trips, etc, because of one wkend, and i always try to exchange wk ends, etc, to not cheat him out of his time. it's all a power thing to me. it has nothing to do with the best interests of the child. nothing will ever make me believe different. and if you have the funds, then i sure don't blame you for fighting for what you feel is best for your kids. and i spoke with an attorney yesterday, and they told me, step-parents have no rights, nor grandparents, etc. but your husband can fight it. and they are right, 3 wks compared to years, is alot better deal. i have to stop and look at it like that too, 2 wkends out of a mo, is not too bad for my son. he does better now since he's older, but i don't like the thought of her mistreating him emotionally or trying to brainwash him or whatever. she's areal psycho, but i know he's old enough to let me know if he can't handle it. they have 3 other kids that live there. if she was a normal person, and they treated the way they pretend too, care so much, etc, take interest in him, but they don't, so that tells me, they don't care as much as they claim, they only live maybe 6 mi from us. he goes to school w/ his stepsister. it's very stressful dealing with all the visitation issues, etc. anybody says any different, they're crazy, but there are laws that must be abided, even though they are our kids. but when my ex doesn't pay his support, or when he quit visiting on his own, he gets no reprimands for that, but if i quit it on my own, i know i would be punished, etc.

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