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At what age can my child make decisions?

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mommyhelp

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? SC

My child is 14 and wants to go out of town with her cheerleading squad on her fathers weekend but he will not allow it! Can she make her own decision without me being held in contempt for not having her here for him to pick up?
Our last visitation schedule was when she was 10 and I don't know if it is something that I need to hire an attorney to take him back to court for.
 


rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
mommyhelp said:
What is the name of your state? SC

My child is 14 and wants to go out of town with her cheerleading squad on her fathers weekend but he will not allow it! Can she make her own decision without me being held in contempt for not having her here for him to pick up?
Our last visitation schedule was when she was 10 and I don't know if it is something that I need to hire an attorney to take him back to court for.
Did he give his permission for this activity and paying 1/2 the cost? Did you offer an different weekend?
 

mommyhelp

Junior Member
rmet4nzkx said:
Did he give his permission for this activity and paying 1/2 the cost? Did you offer an different weekend?

She has been doing cheerleading since the age of 5 and out of town ventures are always a problem! And no he don't pay a penny for this activity (it is included in the small amount of child support I get for her in his eyes). I offered to trade weekends but the weekend he wanted to choice I had made other plans for and then his response was the only way he would let her go is if I would allow her to spend the whole week with her in exchange for one day. It is all about control with him if you can't tell! I can't bare to allow her to go for a whole week when he is being so selfish but it is only hurting her!
 
No, you can be held in contempt if you don't allow his scheduled visitation.

And the age your child can choose where she goes is 18.
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
NO wonder this is a problem you both didn't agree on this activity and both have dug your heels in. This is without a doubt, dad's time and her extra activity which she has been doing for 9 years. Would it hurt to miss one meet, would it hurt to let dad have more time? Dad is not the only one with controll issues if you didn't notince.
 

mommyhelp

Junior Member
rmet4nzkx said:
NO wonder this is a problem you both didn't agree on this activity and both have dug your heels in. This is without a doubt, dad's time and her extra activity which she has been doing for 9 years. Would it hurt to miss one meet, would it hurt to let dad have more time? Dad is not the only one with controll issues if you didn't notince.
Dad likes to go fishing when it is his weekend and leaves alone while he is gone so extra time is usually not an option! And yes 10 years ago this wasn't an issue!
 
mommyhelp said:
I offered to trade weekends but the weekend he wanted to choice I had made other plans for and then his response was the only way he would let her go is if I would allow her to spend the whole week with her in exchange for one day. It is all about control with him if you can't tell! I can't bare to allow her to go for a whole week when he is being so selfish but it is only hurting her!
He certainly not the only one being selfish or wanting to be in control based on what you've posted. First you want his weekend, then when he asks for a weekend in exchange, that's also not good for you. So he asks to spend a week w/his daughter, what's selfish about that? He wants to have more time with her. Apparently, she is with you a majority of the time. You can't bear to have her gone for a week? She's 14, you better get over that soon.

Legally, if she does not go to her father's as directed in the court order, YOU are in contempt. Simple as that. She doesn't decide on visitation until she is 18, period.
 

mommyhelp

Junior Member
mommyhelp said:
Dad likes to go fishing when it is his weekend and leaves alone while he is gone so extra time is usually not an option! And yes 10 years ago this wasn't an issue!

I never expected her not to go to his house he just made the decision he wasn't taking her. I could careless who takes her. If she don't go she gets replaced in her routine.
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
mommyhelp said:
Dad likes to go fishing when it is his weekend and leaves alone while he is gone so extra time is usually not an option! And yes 10 years ago this wasn't an issue!
Would it hurt her to go fishing with him, learn how to put bait on a hook, catch her own dinner and how to gut an clean a fish?

Things could be worse, my grand daughter wants to be a princess.
 

mommyhelp

Junior Member
rmet4nzkx said:
Would it hurt her to go fishing with him, learn how to put bait on a hook, catch her own dinner and how to gut an clean a fish?

Things could be worse, my grand daughter wants to be a princess.
Nope I have no problem with that either! I wish that would happen! Thanks for the advise just looking for some legal advise not judgements!
 

tigger22472

Senior Member
mommyhelp said:
Nope I have no problem with that either! I wish that would happen! Thanks for the advise just looking for some legal advise not judgements!

And, you were given the legal advice. She goes to Dad's on that weekend and it's up to him if she goes or doesn't go to the activity or both of you grow up and do what's best for your daughter and figure out an alternative, but know the burden falls on you more to compromise because you are the one pushing for her to do this.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
mommyhelp said:
I never expected her not to go to his house he just made the decision he wasn't taking her. I could careless who takes her. If she don't go she gets replaced in her routine.
Look, you are getting accurate advice, but unfortunately its a bit onesided (which often happens here). This board tends not to tolerate any deviations from court orders....even if those deviations are really in the "best interest of the child".

Basically, here is the "scoop". If this is truly a major event in an activity that she has participated in for 9 years...and this is a relatively one time event, (ie he hasn't been regularly hauling you into court for contempt and/or you haven't been regularly found in contempt...or you haven't been regularly taking his weekends for this activity) then the worst you are looking at is a slap on the wrist or a small fine if she misses one weekend with dad. HOWEVER, it truly has to be pretty much a one time event. In that case, I would recommend sending dad a certified letter stating that she will be attending the event, and offering him at least THREE weekends within a two month period that he could take at his choice as a replacement (in other words, EVERY weekend of yours other than the one where you have plans.)

If you have been in and out of court on these types of issues, and this event is truly important to your child, then suck it up and give up a week with her to get dad to agree...or give up the weekend where you have plans.
 
I live in Ohio but I was told that My visitation weekend with my daughter is my time to spend with her not her time to spend with me, so therefore if she had a soccer game or basketball game on my weekend i am supposed to see that she is there, is cheerleading camp a school function? And a judge could look unfavorably upon a parent whom refuses to cooperate in a childs schedule as far as academically speaking. This is what I was told! may not be true but my daughter always expressed a wish to participate so i made sure she did on my weekends. I would try again to speak with her father explain how importat it is for her to attend and like the other posters say offer another weekend. The child is the one whom is importat here not who wins the argument about where she is spending it. If cheerleading is her thing then i say she should go. I am a ncp so my weekends are very important to me too, but sometimes for the sake of my daughter i have to give it up and try to get it back some other time.
 

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