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At what age cn the child say no to visitation?

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CJane

Senior Member
Yeah, ummm... my 8 year old woke up this morning and said that she doesn't wanna go to school anymore because someone told her that they didn't like her haircut. And so I drove her to the school and encouraged her to go in, but she like looked really scared and stuff, so I just took her back home because like her emotional stability is way more important than her education and she should never be forced to do something she doesn't wanna do.

Good lord, people are demented.
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Well, I tell mine that they'd best get dressed or they can go to school in their pj's and get teased for it. And I might be tempted to make them liverwurst sandwiches for their lunch. Then I push them out the door to the bus.
 

casa

Senior Member
reallypissedoff said:
What is the name of your state? NC

I have primary physical custody of my two children from my 12 year marriage. My son is 11 years and 10 months old. He has overheard his father, and step-mother "bad-mouthing" me, and it has truely upset my son to the point where he doesn't want to visit with his father for a while. We have joint custody, yet the language states that at any time there is a conflict of interest, I have the ultimate "say-so" in reguards to the best interest for our children. I took him (court ordered equidistance) this past weekend to meet with his father. Two deputy's witnessed that for fourty-five minutes, I tried to persuade my son to go and visit with his dad. My son continously refused. He was emotionally distrought. I couldn't bare witness to his distress any longer, and told the officers that I would take him back home with me. They stated that based on reading the court order, they didn't see where I was wrong.

I want to know if I can be held in contempt of court since I didn't "force" my son into his father's vehicle for him to exercise his visitation weekend?
1. If you fail to 'provide' son for visitation, then yes, you can be found in contempt of the court order. However, in this situation the judge will likely warn you- tell you to figure out and fix the problem with your son....and encourage Dad to participate in whatever the solution is.

2. How incredibly ignorant to waste a police officer's time watching you try to push a contrary <almost> 12 yr old into his father's car. :cool: Stop wasting tax dollars with that bologna~ there are people who actually need the police.

3. At that age, if your son is acting how you say he is, then you need to find out what's going on with your son. Take him to counseling. Pre/Adolescence is chaotic emotionally in the best of situations.

4. The big scene you made also didn't feel too great for Dad. :eek: When you get your son in counseling- invite Dad for some sessions.
 

NotSoNew

Senior Member
if your son is upset over something, talk with him about it, talk to his father about it and have his father talk to him about it

not visiting his father is not an option, just like not going to school is not an option even if they dont want to go.
 

CJane

Senior Member
stealth2 said:
Well, I tell mine that they'd best get dressed or they can go to school in their pj's and get teased for it. And I might be tempted to make them liverwurst sandwiches for their lunch. Then I push them out the door to the bus.
Yeah, I told mine that I didn't feel like coming to work today either, but it beat learning to dumpster dive for our dinner. She got dressed.
 

424Smudge

Member
People People People give her a break. She tried. We all know that 12 year olds NEVER act out against their parents. I see what she did as compleatly rational. Op I reccomend that you continue to stand for your child and also can you let me know when your court day is for when dad has you arrested, I could use a good laugh.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
stealth2 said:
Well, I tell mine that they'd best get dressed or they can go to school in their pj's and get teased for it. And I might be tempted to make them liverwurst sandwiches for their lunch. Then I push them out the door to the bus.
Mine force me to walk them to the bus stop....damn kids.

By the way, did you get mary's e-mail?
 
want to know if I can be held in contempt of court since I didn't "force" my son into his father's vehicle for him to exercise his visitation weekend?
From my own experience here ... (I live in Ohio)

My husband got custody of his daughters back in 2001 when they were 15 and 12 years old. Because of the court dates, the girls both missed the first 3 days of the new school year in our school district. The kids first day at their new school was a Tuesday. Mom's first visitation day was that Wednesday. Neither of the girls wanted to go for this mid-week visitation (which was from 5pm to 9pm) ... they tried to call their mom, but could not reach her. At the time, mom was of course very upset that dad got custody, and was talking trash about dad to the kids every chance she got. So...when she pulled in the driveway that day, both girls went outside and asked mom if the could reschedule the Wednesday visit (they had called dad at work, and he said they could reschedule for the weekend if that was ok with mom) for either Saturday or Sunday. Mom threw a fit, yelled and screamed and cussed at the kids ... demanded to know why they didn't want to come that day for her LEGAL visitation. They tried to explain to her that they each had 3 days worth of school work to catch up on, they were still trying to get unpacked and settled in their new rooms, and they would much rather visit with her on Saturday or Sunday ~ they even told her that dad said mom could have them all day Saturday or Sunday if she wanted to. Mom then demanded that they get in the car ... and both girls refused. By this time, I had dad on the phone again, asking him what I should do .. here I am, with an angry mom in the driveway and kids that don't want to go with her, and I'm just a lowly step-mom. Dad said not to force them. Kids came back in the house, mom drove off in a huff spinning gravel all over the driveway.

2 hours later, a police officer showed up at the door. Mom had called them. Dad was home by then and tried to explain what had happened to the officer. Officer said that dad MUST make the kids to court-ordered visitation, and that both girls could be slapped with an unruly child charge for refusing to go to visitation. :eek:

3 days later, contempt papers arrived. Dad had to go to court, was found guilty of contempt for not forcing his children to go to visitation, paid court costs and fines, and had to give mom a make-up day of visitation (which he had offered her in the first place -- gee, 3 hours on a Wednesday night, or 8am - 8pm on a Saturday ...which would you have chosen in that situation?).

So yes, you can be found in contempt ... and your child, depending on the laws in your state, could be slapped with an unruly child charge if he refuses to go to visitation.
 

CJane

Senior Member
MomIsWorried said:
(they had called dad at work, and he said they could reschedule for the weekend if that was ok with mom)
And dad NEVER should have indicated that not going was an option.

Honestly, I can't fathom all of this letting the kids set the schedule crap. My parents divorced when I was 5-ish. It NEVER occurred to me or any of my sisters to refuse to go on visitation with him. Sure, sometimes we'd rather have done something else, and sometimes dad would call us and see if we had other plans and HE would not visit that weekend or tell mom that he wasn't going to interfere with child X's plans, or whatever - but it was always up to the GROWNUPS.

My kids wouldn't ever even think about not going either because it's NEVER been an option. It's never discussed. They were told what the schedule would be on day one of the divorce and changing it is not an option for THEM.
 
CJane said:
And dad NEVER should have indicated that not going was an option.

Honestly, I can't fathom all of this letting the kids set the schedule crap. My parents divorced when I was 5-ish. It NEVER occurred to me or any of my sisters to refuse to go on visitation with him. Sure, sometimes we'd rather have done something else, and sometimes dad would call us and see if we had other plans and HE would not visit that weekend or tell mom that he wasn't going to interfere with child X's plans, or whatever - but it was always up to the GROWNUPS.

My kids wouldn't ever even think about not going either because it's NEVER been an option. It's never discussed. They were told what the schedule would be on day one of the divorce and changing it is not an option for THEM.
Oh dear. You know, it's so hard when posting on a board like this to put in every fact, and every detail of a situation...

I am also divorced, with children from my first marriage. My ex and I have one of those rare and wonderful post-divorce relationships where we don't fight and argue, or trash talk each other to the kids ... and visitation is now, and has always been, a very open and very changeable thing ... especially now since the kids are older and more involved in after school activities and after school jobs. So, yes, our kids do make up their own visitation schedule, and that works for us. One kid will call and say "Hey dad, I have a dance on Friday, can I come next weekend instead?" and dad always says "Sure hon, I'll come get your sister this weekend and you can come next weekend." Or if they both have something going on one weekend, they'll call and ask if they can do the next 2 weekends in a row, but skip the "regular" visit. It's just a non-issue with us.

However, my husband's relationship with his exwife is very different. He tries to be a lot like me ~ very open and flexible, and he never forced the kids to come for visitation if they didn't want to, or if they wanted to reschedule because they had something else going on in their lives (a dance, a slumber party) ... why make a kid miss out on something like that, when it's so easy to just rearrange your parenting time with them? I understand that some parents drive many hours to see their kids every other weekend ... but when you live closer to your kids, why not accommodate their schedules when you can, so they don't have to miss out on the fun stuff?

Anyway...my husband understood his daughters' reasons for not wanting to go to visitation with their mom that day ~ so he told them to talk to her, and it was fine with him if they want to change days if that was ok with mom. Of course, when mom showed up (45 minutes early, I might add, which is why they were unable to reach her by phone), and then threw a complete hissy fit in the driveway, yelling such things at them as "What? You don't love me anymore? Is that it? You'd rather be here with your dad and his bitch than come spend a few hours with me? Is that what it is?? Fine, if that's the way you want it, maybe I'll just go home and kill myself, then you won't have to worry about coming to see me anymore!" Yeah...I'd really want to get into a car and listen to that for the next 3 hours. Their mother was prone to these kinds of outbursts, especially when she was drinking (which I thought might have been the case that day, but couldn't prove it) ...I didn't blame them at the time for not wanting to go with her that day. It was such an easy solution...such a small request from her children "Please mom, can't we just stay here today so we can get caught up on our school work, finish unpacking our things, and get settled in...but then we can come spend the whole day with you on Saturday or Sunday?" I would have granted that request if it had been my children.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
MomIsWorried said:
Oh dear. You know, it's so hard when posting on a board like this to put in every fact, and every detail of a situation...

I am also divorced, with children from my first marriage. My ex and I have one of those rare and wonderful post-divorce relationships where we don't fight and argue, or trash talk each other to the kids ... and visitation is now, and has always been, a very open and very changeable thing ... especially now since the kids are older and more involved in after school activities and after school jobs. So, yes, our kids do make up their own visitation schedule, and that works for us. One kid will call and say "Hey dad, I have a dance on Friday, can I come next weekend instead?" and dad always says "Sure hon, I'll come get your sister this weekend and you can come next weekend." Or if they both have something going on one weekend, they'll call and ask if they can do the next 2 weekends in a row, but skip the "regular" visit. It's just a non-issue with us.

However, my husband's relationship with his exwife is very different. He tries to be a lot like me ~ very open and flexible, and he never forced the kids to come for visitation if they didn't want to, or if they wanted to reschedule because they had something else going on in their lives (a dance, a slumber party) ... why make a kid miss out on something like that, when it's so easy to just rearrange your parenting time with them? I understand that some parents drive many hours to see their kids every other weekend ... but when you live closer to your kids, why not accommodate their schedules when you can, so they don't have to miss out on the fun stuff?

Anyway...my husband understood his daughters' reasons for not wanting to go to visitation with their mom that day ~ so he told them to talk to her, and it was fine with him if they want to change days if that was ok with mom. Of course, when mom showed up (45 minutes early, I might add, which is why they were unable to reach her by phone), and then threw a complete hissy fit in the driveway, yelling such things at them as "What? You don't love me anymore? Is that it? You'd rather be here with your dad and his bitch than come spend a few hours with me? Is that what it is?? Fine, if that's the way you want it, maybe I'll just go home and kill myself, then you won't have to worry about coming to see me anymore!" Yeah...I'd really want to get into a car and listen to that for the next 3 hours. Their mother was prone to these kinds of outbursts, especially when she was drinking (which I thought might have been the case that day, but couldn't prove it) ...I didn't blame them at the time for not wanting to go with her that day. It was such an easy solution...such a small request from her children "Please mom, can't we just stay here today so we can get caught up on our school work, finish unpacking our things, and get settled in...but then we can come spend the whole day with you on Saturday or Sunday?" I would have granted that request if it had been my children.
And none of this matters. THe fact is, there is a current court order, you violated it and you alone bear the responsibility.

How much clearer do I have to state that?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I am going to weigh in on this one...I didn't previously.

Yes, mom can be found in contempt. However, in this particular case, because there was a police officer witnessing mom's sincere attempts to make the child go...its more likely that mom would get a slap on the wrist.

However, mom needs to get the child into counseling...YESTERDAY. Mom has to be demonstrating that she is trying to find a way to resolve this problem rapidly. She also needs to be encouraging dad to get involved in the counseling. If there really is a true problem the counselor would also be an invaluable person to testify on the child's behalf.
 
BelizeBreeze said:
And none of this matters. THe fact is, there is a current court order, you violated it and you alone bear the responsibility.

How much clearer do I have to state that?
It's crystal clear, you idiot ... I'm not arguing with you about anything. I replied to a post and told the OP that YES, she can be held in contempt, and that her child could possibly face an unruly child charge for refusing to go to visitation ... it happened to my husband ... I then get attacked because my parenting plan and views are somewhat different than most. I PERSONALLY DIDN'T VIOLATE ANYTHING, so you can just shut the hell up about that.
 
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